


Sock-Footed

by wallaceandvomit



Series: The Catalyst [2]
Category: Video Blogging RPF, mcyt
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Depression, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Family Dynamics, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Self-Harm, Trans Character, drug overdose, everybodys trans baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:55:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 67,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28334997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wallaceandvomit/pseuds/wallaceandvomit
Summary: Technoblade has been holding his rage inside him for years. It leaks out at times, when he was eleven he punched a kid's tooth out, when he was sixteen he broke Wilbur's nose. He keeps it inside, for the most part, guarded like Cerberus at the gates of Hell. He never expected senior year to be the thing that broke the chain.techno-centric sbi family au angst stuff :) inspired by Teddy Hyde's album Sock-Footed
Relationships: Jschlatt & Wilbur Soot, Ranboo & Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson
Series: The Catalyst [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2074899
Comments: 657
Kudos: 1362





	1. this town is running with a sick crowd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys i'm back :) if you haven't read the first book in this series you should! it's not necessary to understand this but it'll help a little and i'm proud of it :) also just a heads up the f slur is used in this

His lips were chapped. His lips were always chapped, but sometimes it bothered him more than others. He bit his bottom lip, pulling at the skin with his teeth. The taste of copper filled his mouth and he swore under his breath.

“Techno! Shit, man, I thought you weren’t gonna show!” Alex laughed and sat beside him, throwing his arm over his shoulders.

“I’ve been here for an hour”, Techno glared.

“Oh, really? Hey, your lip his bleeding, do you need some chapstick or something?” Alex asked, gently touching the blood.

“It’s fine”, Techno said, batting his hand away. “I’m gonna go… somewhere else.” He stood up and adjusted his jacket. Techno headed into the backyard and picked a beer up off one of the plastic tables. He popped the cap off on the table and took a swig, then sat down beside Schlatt on the rim of the swimming pool. It was empty, it had been drained years ago. Empty cans and liquor bottles sat in the basin.

“Technoblade, how are you doing?” Schlatt asked, clinking his bottle against Techno’s.

“I dunno, I’m here, I guess.” He shrugged and took a swig.

Schlatt nodded and offered him his cig, which he took gratefully.  
“Parties were never really your thing, huh?”

Techno shrugged again and took a deep drag, holding it for a few seconds before he passed it back to Schlatt.  
“Nope. Figured I’d show since Dream wanted me to, but now he’s off with George and Sapnap.”

“That’s rough, buddy. Not a great way to start the new school year.” Schlatt offered a half laugh at that.

“No, not really. I was kinda expectin’ it, but it hurt that it happened anyway.” Techno sighed and took another swig from the bottle.

“Yeah”, Schlatt nodded, “how’s Tommy doin’?”

Techno shrugged. “Fuck if I know. Kid doesn’t talk to me.”

“Really? Why not?”

“I dunno. I think he thinks I’m like Wilbur.” 

“You’re really not, dude.”

“I guess. I kinda see where he’s coming from.”

“You’re not as bad as him, Technoblade.”

“Thanks. I think I’m gonna head home”, Techno sighed as he stood up. “See ya later, Schlatt.”

“See ya.”

“Hey, uh, I’m gonna head home”, Techno said, just loud enough for only Dream to hear.

“Aw, what? But the party’s jus’ started! C’mon, Tech, you gotta stay”, Dream sported a lazy grin, leaning over and taking Techno’s hand from where he was sitting on George’s lap.

“Nah, I’m alright. I’ve had my fun. Are you gonna need a ride home?” Techno asked, his thumb carefully tracing patterns on Dream’s hand.

“Uhh, shit, hey can anyone drive me home?” Dream called out to the room. 

“I can”, Fundy offered, raising his hand.

“Thanks”, Dream looked back up to Techno, “I’m good. Thanks for showin’ up, Tech. I’ll see you tomorrow?” He pulled his hand away, going back to its resting position on George’s thigh.

Techno ignored the twisting in his stomach. “Yep. See ya then.” He turned on his heel and left, heading to the front yard where his car was parked. It was a piece of garbage, a barely functioning 2003 Toyota Avalon. Nothing compared to Wilbur’s Civic, or the Prius that was promised to Tommy for when he would start to drive. But he had bought it himself, no help from his dad. It was important to him. He had a pig stuffy on the dash and a small plastic crown that hung from the mirror.

The drive home was quiet, he didn’t put on any music, he focused on driving as safely as possible to compensate for the few beers he already had in his body. He was always careful when he was driving. Too often, he would think of getting distracted and driving right into another car, or a pole, or off one of the bridges of the freeway. His mind would be engulfed with images of him dead in his car, shattered glass goring his face. He shook his head to clear his mind and trained his eyes on the road.

It was already ten at night when he got home, so he just let himself in and went upstairs to his bedroom. It was grey, all the furniture black. Pink LEDs lit up the room, soft light in the midst of the fog.

Summer had gone quickly. Wilbur had been home from college and he spent almost every day off with his new friends, and Tommy had secluded himself to his room and Tubbo’s house. Techno had been on his own. He had spent a lot of time playing minecraft, and once or twice he had gone to the beach with Dream. 

It was a lonely summer, all in all. He couldn’t tell if he was excited for senior year or not, he had a thin layer of nerves settled in his stomach regarding it. He flopped down on his bed with a sigh, rubbing his eyes. His thoughts travelled to Dream, to Dream’s wavy dirty blonde hair and his calloused, freckled hands. He sighed, a forlorn breath, as he thought of the night he’d spent on Dream’s roof years ago. The way Dream had looked at him, the gaze of a burning star to the dark matter of space. The way he had felt seen for the first time in his life. It had been years, though, Dream had better friends now, and Techno had been left behind.

Childhood friendships never lasted, he supposed. It didn’t stop him from dreaming about that night on the roof, though. In the night, he could see the sun in Dream’s eyes, feel the fire in his heart. Sometimes it would swallow him whole, and he would feel safe in the inferno of his friend.

He took a shaky breath, trying to dissuade the lump in his throat, the pinpricks of tears in his eyes. His body ached, he knew a single warm touch would make him collapse. Techno could feel his heart reaching out for anyone, anything to fill his emptiness. He shook his head and sat up in bed, taking the incense box off his bedside table. He kept a THC pen in there, one he’d bought off Schlatt with a few different strained carts he could interchange. 

A deep, desperate breath pulled the vapor into his lungs, and he put the pen away again before letting it out. He laid down on his bed, staring at the popcorn ceiling. He could see patterns if he unfocused his eyes. As he felt his body sink with the high, he watched the ceiling morph into familiar shapes. He chuckled, as he realised he could see the outline of minecraft blocks. Tetris syndrome was taking full effect, it seemed. He saw his hardcore world with Dream, saw the compact, efficient base they’d built.

He fell asleep with a feeling of falling, the world swirling around him as he plummeted down the rabbit hole.

His breakfast that morning was a black coffee drank on the ride to school. Tommy didn’t say a word to him, just focused on his phone in the passenger seat. 

“Have a nice day, Tommy”, Techno called after him when he left the car. Tommy didn’t acknowledge him.

Techno sighed and finished parking the car, then headed over to the far end of the parking lot where his… acquaintances… were smoking before school.

“Hiya, Technoblade! How’s it going?” Alex grinned and offered him a half-smoked blunt.

“No, thanks. I’m alright, does anyone have a cig?” Techno asked, sitting on the hood of one of the cars.

“Here you are, m’lady”, Sapnap grinned and handed him an American Spirit.

Techno grimaced and took it, lighting it with a pink lighter Skeppy had gotten him last year. Beggars couldn’t be choosers, he supposed.  
“Thanks”, he mumbled.

“So does anyone else have Mr. Smith for English first period?” Fundy asked, taking an obnoxiously long hit from his puff bar. Techno knew it was sour apple-flavored, it was always sour apple-flavored with Fundy. He couldn’t stand it.

“I do”, Techno muttered, taking a small drag from the cig. 

“Oh shit, really? Dude, we gotta team up on group projects and stuff! Damn, with you in my class, I might actually pass!” Fundy grinned, fixing his stupid hat.

Techno shrugged. There was no way he was helping Fundy with anything. “Maybe. Does anyone have Johnson for math?”

“Yeah, fourth period. What about you?” Karl offered a warm smile.

“Fourth period. Are you any good at math?” 

“Nope. You?”

“Nope. This’ll be fun.” Techno chuckled. He didn’t mind Karl, he was definitely the most tolerable in this group. Quackity came in a close second, he was just a bit too loud all the time to come in first. If he never interacted with Fundy and Sapnap again in his life, well, he wouldn’t complain. 

The bell rang, and the five got up and made their way to their classes. Fundy stuck close to Techno’s hip.

“So, have you heard anything about Mr. Smith?”

“Nope.”

“I heard he’s really sarcastic, and he gives really easy homework.”

“It’s an honors class, Fundy, he’s gonna give homework.”

“Yeah, but maybe it won’t be so bad!”

“Is this your first honors English class?”

“Yeah, why?”

Techno huffed a laugh. “Prepare for the worst.”

The class passed quickly, and Techno managed to slip out of Fundy’s sight to get to his locker alone. 

“Hi.”

Techno looked up from his locker to see a man standing next to him. The guy had short cut brown hair and an American flag shirt. Techno grimaced.

“Hullo”, he said, turning back to his locker to get his books.

“Hey, so, are you a girl or a boy?” The guy asked.

Techno bristled. “I’m a guy.”

“Really? Why is your hair pink?”

“I like it that way.”

“You look like a girl.”

“I’m not. Get away from my locker.”

“I’m not near your locker, I’m near my locker. See? My locker is right here.” He knocked on the locker next to Techno’s. Techno felt his stomach coil around itself. He looked at the guy, and all too easily, he was presented with visions of slamming his face into the concrete on the floor. Stomping his skull in with his boots, the shards of bone slicing the delicate brain matter inside. The stench of copper in his nose. He swallowed and shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut to rid himself of the thought.

“Okay. So we’re locker neighbors. Don’t talk to me from now on.” Techno said, closing his locker and putting the lock on.

“What? Why not? Are you mad I assumed your gender?” The guy snickered.

Techno’s fists balled. He could almost feel the crunch of the guy’s nose cartilage against his knuckles.  
“I don’t wanna fight you, man. Leave me alone or I’ll make you regret it.”

He laughed in Techno’s face. “You’ll make me regret it? Oh god, the snowflake is gonna hurt me!” He cackled. “Fuck off, pussy.”

Techno glared at him. He was taller than Techno, easily, but he was scrawny. The image of dislocating his shoulder and breaking his arm came naturally. Techno could see the way his bone would rip out of his skin, hear the gut wrenching scream that he would make.  
He turned around and went to his next class.

He might as well have been sitting alone at lunch, the way Skeppy and Bad were acting. They were cuddled together under a tree, giggling with each other and not even looking at Techno. Eventually, he got up and said he was going to go to the library to read. The two waved goodbye, then went right back to what they were doing. He passed his English teacher’s classroom on his way, and he paused. The door was open. 

“Is this classroom open for lunch?” He asked, poking his head in.

“Yep. Come on in, if you like.” The teacher said, glancing up from his book.

Techno shuffled in, looking around. The classroom was much more peaceful with no one in it.

“Does no one come in here?”

“I get a couple of stragglers every now and then. Like you.” Mr. Smith grinned at him.

Techno huffed a laugh and sat down at one of the desks.  
“What’re you reading?”

“The Martian. I’m noting stuff I wanna bring up in lessons once we get to it.” He responded, absentmindedly chewing on a pen.

“Oh, cool. I haven’t read that before.” Techno took a bite of his sandwich.

“So, are you new here? Or not the type to make friends?” The teacher asked.

Techno tensed a little. “I’m, uh, not new here. Just… yeah. Friends are… hard.”

He nodded. “Well, you’re welcome to spend your lunches in here. If you want to put on music, let me know. I don’t have spotify, but I have pandora and it’s close enough.”

Techno nodded. He ate the rest of his lunch in silence and said a quiet goodbye when the bell rang. The teacher waved.

As he packed up his books at the end of the day, his ears perked at the sound of something hitting a locker. He turned around, watching as the same guy from earlier shoved a kid in a mask.

“What’re you doing?” Techno asked, standing behind them. The kid looked up at him with wide eyes.

“Mind your business, faggot.” The guy spat.

Techno stared for a moment, then he felt his fist swing into the guy’s face. He stumbled back, clutching his eye and hyperventilating. 

“What the fuck?! What’s wrong with you, you fucking freak?!” 

Techno didn’t answer, he gritted his teeth and swung again, quick and hard, landing the guy on the ground.

“Stop, stop! I’m sorry, just leave me alone!” He yelled, scrambling back.

Techno stared down at him. It would be so easy to bash his brains in right here and now, to grab his knife and rip his stomach open, pull out his organs and watch him writhe.  
“Go, then. Get out of here.” He growled.

The guy stumbled to his feet and grabbed his backpack, running away.

Techno sighed and inspected his fist, flexing the muscles one by one. God, that had felt good. He took a few deep breaths and left the fire in his heart subside.  
He turned to face the kid and offered his hand.

“Thank you”, the kid said, standing up. He was taller than Techno, which irritated him a little bit. 

“What’s with the mask?” He asked, looking at the half-white half-black cloth on his face.

“Uh, I uh, don’t really like germs.”

Techno hummed and nodded. “Don’t use this back hallway. There’s no security cameras, so it’s where everyone gets in fights.”

“Oh, okay. Thank you.”

Techno peered up at the kid for a moment. “What’s your name?”

“Ranboo.”

“Ranboo? That’s a weird name.”

“What’s yours?”

“Technoblade.”

“Well I don’t think you have room to talk about weird names”, Ranboo laughed a little.

Techno let himself grin. “Yeah, I guess not. Are you new here?”

“Uh, yep, just moved in with my mom and my half-sister. Are you from here?”

“Born and raised. Do you have any friends yet?” 

“Um… no, not really.”

“I have a little brother you might like, if you like loud people. Are you a sophomore?”

“No, um, I’m a freshman. I, um, don’t really like loud people, though.”

Techno studied him for a moment. “Not good at making friends?”

Ranboo shifted uncomfortably. “I’m, uh, not great with social situations.”

“Me neither.” Techno paused for a moment. “Well, I’ll see ya around.”

“Yeah, see you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> techno's "hearing voices" thing is kinda ableist but i want to include it so as a psychotic person i was like. ok well then he has intrusive thoughts that works
> 
> follow me on twt:  
> https://twitter.com/wallacenvomit
> 
> join the catalyst series discord server:  
> https://discord.gg/7RKdZUbxFd


	2. kicking at the hive with your bare feet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just a heads up there's a brief reference to self-harm and pretty detailed gore in this chapter! stay safe :)

The first thing he felt was a slow sinking. Like the drop off a diving board, slowed to a painstaking pace. The next thing he felt was something wet sliding up his limbs, thin tendrils of blood that climbed him like vines.

He was in a classroom. Wilbur was wearing a white button-up and slacks, but his chest was gored, his organs hanging out of a gaping wound. 

“You’re here already”, Wilbur said, suddenly much closer to Technoblade. He reached over the desk and opened Techno’s mouth, screaming as he pulled out his brother’s teeth one by one.

Techno watched him take his teeth and put them in his own mouth, crunching them like broken glass. Even with Wilbur’s mouth closed, he could hear him screaming. He felt a tug on his sleeve and he turned to see Tommy, staring up at him and shouting something. His voice was muffled and distant like he was underwater, and Techno couldn’t make out a single word.

He could hear them screaming, both of them now, muffled shrieks of horror. He tried to get up from the desk, but he was stopped by heavy chains on his limbs.

Phil watched him from above, his eyes trained and unblinking. Once Techno noticed him, the screaming stopped. Then all the eyes were on him.

He woke up panting.

“Have a nice day”, he called after Tommy, who ignored him.

He sighed and turned his car off, locking it before he went to the far end of the parking lot.

“Hey, Technoblade! Come over here, quick!” Alex called him over to the group, who were huddled around one of the car’s hoods. 

“What’s goin’ on?” He asked, pulling his jacket closer around him to block the cold.

“Karl scored mushrooms off Schlatt! We’re all gonna do them at the same time, come on, it’s gonna be awesome”, Sapnap grinned, holding one up to prove it to Techno.

“Oh, okay. Have fun with that.” Techno nodded and turned around to leave.

“Wait, wait! You don’t wanna do them with us?” Sapnap scoffed.

“Nope. I don’t do hallucinogens. Like I said, have fun.” Techno waved and left, heading to his first class. The classroom was open, but empty save for the teacher.

“Good morning, Freja.” The teacher said, not looking up from his book. 

Techno paused. He thought it over for a moment, then took a deep breath. “Do you think you could call me Technoblade, actually?”

Mr. Smith looked up. “Technoblade? Is that a nickname?”

“It’s just my name. I’m trans. I’m a guy.” Techno said, staring at the tiles below his boots. 

“Thanks for telling me, Technoblade. And do you want me to use that name in front of other students?” 

“Uh, yeah. That’s what everyone knows me as.” He nodded.

“Will do. How’d the homework treat you?”

Techno sat at his desk, a little stunned by how well that had gone. “Huh? Oh, the homework? It went well, yeah. I always like personal essays.”

“Could I read it?” The teacher asked, sitting up straight in his chair.

“Sure, lemme get it out.” Techno pulled out his English folder- which was blue, of course, because English is blue- and took the essay out. He stood and handed it to the teacher, then sat down again.

“Thank you, Technoblade.” Mr. Smith looked over it for a moment. “This is three pages long.”

“It is.”

“The minimum was half a page.”

“It was.”

The teacher looked at him for a moment, then a grin split his face in two. “I like you, Technoblade. It’s always a pleasure having students like you in my class.”

Techno felt his heart flutter. “Thank you, sir.”

Fourth period was spent in the bathroom with Karl, trip-sitting him to the best of his abilities. He was a little peeved about it because he struggled with math and he wanted all the help he could get, but he considered Karl a good acquaintance of his and he didn’t want him to have a bad trip.

“Techno, I can feel you, man”, Karl whispered, his hands intertwined with Techno’s. 

“Uh-huh. I can feel you too, bud.” Techno laughed a little.

“No, I mean… I can feel your soul. It’s burning.” Karl insisted, looking into his eyes.

Techno halted, taken aback. “What?”

“Your soul, it’s… it’s burning, and- and writhing around like it’s in pain. It’s scared. Are you scared, Techno?”

Techno swallowed the lump in his throat. “I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.”

“You’re just this big… bundle of hate, a-and fear. That’s what your soul is. It’s crying to me, Techno. I can feel it crying.” Karl’s eyes were locked on his, his pupils blown out.

He pulled his hands away and stood up. “I’m gonna get you some water.”

“Do you want a hug?”

“No.”

“Technoblade, how nice to see you.” The teacher waved to him when he entered his classroom at lunch. 

“Hi, Mr. Smith”, Techno mumbled.

“I read your essay. You’ve had a hard life.” 

Techno scoffed at that. “Sure.”

“So you like to fight, right? Why don’t you join the wrestling team?” He asked.

“They only let guys in. Legally, I’m not one of those.” Techno sighed, taking a bite of his sandwich. 

“I’m sure we could pull some strings around”, he said.

“I’m not really interested. Thanks, though.” Techno’s irritation sparked, and he watched his brain play a scene of violence behind his eyes. In his mind, he runs forward and impales Mr. Smith with a hunting knife. He pulls it up to his rib cage and lets his guts spill out, blood splattering on the floor. Blood stains his hands as he holds the man’s lower jaw in one and his upper teeth in the other, and then pull- pull- pull- and the jaw cracks off its hinges.

Technoblade shuddered and shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut tight to dismiss the thought. He didn’t want to do that. He liked this teacher, very much in fact.

The bell rang, and he went to his next class.

TommyInnit: im going home with tubbo 

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Oh ok, does dad know?

TommyInnit: yes 

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Ok I’ll see you at home. Stay safe and have fun

TommyInnit: k

Techno sighed and put his phone back in his pocket. He grabbed his backpack and headed to the far end of the parking lot to meet the others. He didn’t usually meet them after school, but if he didn’t have to take Tommy home, he could squeeze it in. He also hadn’t had a cig that morning and he was starting to itch for one.

“Techno, hey! We were about to head to Panda Express, you wanna come?” Sapnap grinned. 

“Oh, no thanks. Hey, Sap, could I have a cig before you go?” He asked, his tone hushed.

Sapnap laughed. “I’m fresh out, sorry, dude. You’re gonna have to go to the source.”

Techno gritted his teeth. “Alright. Thanks anyway.” 

The group piled into Alex’s car and drove off, leaving Techno to get into his own. He walked past the front of the school, back to his car, when he heard something. A thud and a whimper. He followed the sound to a hallway at the front of the school, where he saw a familiar black and white mask. 

“Fucking pansy, I bet you like that, don’t you?” A sophomore shoved Ranboo again, sneered as he stumbled back.

“Hey!” Techno shouted, his fists balling at his sides. “Get away from him, now!”

One of the boys laughed in his face, rolling up his sleeves, but the other stopped him and whispered something in his ear. The color drained from his face, and the two ran off.

Techno sighed and offered his hand to Ranboo. “Sorry, the kids here are assholes.”

Ranboo took it and stood up, dusting himself off. “Thanks… we gotta stop meeting like this.”

Techno huffed a laugh. “You gotta stop getting roughed up. I tell ya what, lemme give you my discord, you can text me if you ever need backup, okay?”

“Really? That- you don’t have to do that, I can handle myself.” He insisted. 

Techno scoffed at that. They exchanged discord handles and pulled their respective backpacks over their shoulders.

“Are you headed home?” Techno asked, “Sticking around here after hours isn’t really a good idea.”

“Yeah, I should start on my way home. It’s an hour walk and I want to be home in time for dinner.” Ranboo laughed a little.

“It’s an hour walk? Do you want a ride?” Techno offered.

“Oh, I-I don’t want to impose…”

“Dude, seriously, it would be no trouble at all. That’s like a ten-minute drive.” Techno insisted. “If you’re not comfortable with getting in my car with me, I totally get it since we’re basically strangers, but if you’re worried about imposin’, it’s seriously fine.”

“I mean, are you sure? It wouldn’t be an inconvenience?”

“Not at all. Here, just to prove I won’t hurt you or anything, you can hold onto my knife until we get to your house.” Techno pulled his switchblade out of his jean’s pocket and handed it to Ranboo.

Ranboo stared for a moment, then took it in careful hands. “This is beautiful.”

“Thanks, it was my dad’s. Come on, let’s get you home.” He offered a warm smile and led him to his car.

“Oh, it’s saying your house is off Lynn road. That’s actually on the way to my house, it even passes… hm.” Techno paused, staring ahead as he thought. “That passes Schlatt’s house.”

“Who’s Schlatt?”

“Uh, a friend of mine. Would you mind if we stopped by there, actually? It would just be a five-minute thing, I need to pick somethin’ up from him.” Techno tapped the steering wheel, his nerves starting to course through his veins.

“Sure, that’s fine. Is he a senior too?” 

“No, he graduated two years ago. He was my brother’s friend.” Techno pulled into the left lane in preparation to turn.

“Was? Did something happen?”

Techno huffed a small laugh at that. “Yeah, my brother happened. He’s a wreck.”

“Oh… I’m sorry.”

“That’s alright. He’s off at college now, so I don’t have to worry about him.” Techno pulled into Schlatt’s driveway. “Alright, stay in the car, I’ll be a couple minutes.”

“Sure thing.”

“Technoblade, hello.” Schlatt opened the door for him. 

“Hey, Schlatt. I’m just making a quick stop, do you have any Newports?” Techno asked, stepping inside the house.

“Sure.” Schlatt beckoned him into the kitchen.

Techno glanced around the room, his eyes widening at what appeared to be an entire brick of cocaine on the table.

Schlatt noticed his staring and chuckled. “Sorry, I haven’t been able to clean up yet. You want some of that?”

“Uh, no thanks.” Techno shifted his weight onto the other foot.

“Right answer. Here, seven bucks for a pack.” Schlatt said, handing one to him.

“Thanks, here ya go.” Techno handed him the money. “Hey, do you think I could get another blue dream cart? I’m almost out of the one I picked up last month.”

“I’m outta carts right now, Sapnap and his squadron just bought me outta stock. I can do bud or nothin’, I’m afraid.” Schlatt shook his head.

Techno inhaled sharply through his teeth. “Ugh, okay. I’ll just wait until I restock, you know how Phil is.”

“I do. You should get back to your buddy in the car. Say, was that Niki’s kid?” 

“Niki has a kid?”

“Nah, her little brother I mean. Ranboo?”

“Uh, yeah, his name is Ranboo. I didn’t realise she had a brother.”

“Yeah, apparently he just moved here ‘cause his dad turned out to be shit. Now he’s livin’ with Niki and her mom. At least, that’s what I heard from Niki. She said he had a thing with black and white, the kid in your car is wearing a black and white mask, I put the pieces together.” Schlatt shrugged.

“Huh. Well, I’ll see ya around, Schlatt.” Techno nodded to him and headed out the door.

“See ya!”

“So you’re Niki’s brother?” Techno asked.

“Oh, yeah, how’d you know?” Ranboo looked over.

“Schlatt knows her. I’m pretty sure she and Wilbur used to be best friends.” Techno shrugged.

“Wait, how do you know Wilbur?”

“He’s the brother I was talkin’ about. You know him?”

“I know of him. Niki talks about him a lot.”

“Really? What’s she say?”

“Uh, just stuff like being worried about him. Missing him, too.”

“Hm.” Techno pulled off onto the street with Ranboo’s house. “Alright, here you are. Tell Niki I said hi.”

“I will, thanks.” Ranboo smiled and took his backpack, getting out of the car. “I’ll see you tomorrow!”

“See ya then”, Techno waved before pulling back onto the road.

Techno sat alone in his room, scrolling through his phone in the dim pink light. He was frustratingly bored, and that boredom came with a need to scream. He needed to do something, anything. He had stopped cutting years ago, but his body was screaming for a rush of pain.

His phone buzzed.

dre: Hey Hey hey hey hey

Techno stared at it. Dream obviously wasn’t sober, he never texted him when he was sober anymore.

TechnoBlade Never Dies: What’s up

dre: you should come over. Tonight. george and sapnap are here George brought booze come on

TechnoBlade Never Dies: No thanks

dre: dude. come on. i havetn seen you in like two thaousnad years

TechnoBlade Never Dies: We can hang out some other time

dre: technoblade i will drive to your house and get you dude come on. please. It’s going to be so much fun. I will literally suck your cock if you come over

Techno scoffed a laugh. Sapnap was definitely rubbing off on Dream.

TechnoBlade Never Dies: I’ll come over if you promise not to do that

dre: yes yes yes I promise I will not suck your cock please come over come on come over it will be so fun

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Alright I’m omw. I’m not going to get wasted though

dre: uhhhhuguhhhhugiiguighhhgjjgghh you’re no fun

Techno turned his phone off and put it in his pocket, then headed downstairs. 

“Hey, dad, do you care if I head to Dream’s for a bit?” He asked, pulling his jacket on. 

“Nope, go ahead. Would you be able to pick Tommy up from Tubbo’s when you come home?” Phil asked.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll see you later.” He pulled his boots on and waved to his dad.

“Drive safe”, Phil called.

Dream was more than tipsy. He had George in his lap when Techno got there, but he quickly shrugged him off and got up to hug Techno.

“Technoblade! You came over, you did it!” He giggled, holding Techno in a tight hug.

“Mhm, I did it. How are you guys doing?” Techno pulled away and sat on Dream’s bed beside Sapnap.

“These guys are basically fucking, I’ve been third-wheeling all night.” Sapnap scoffed.

“Sounds rough. I was told there’d be booze?” Techno pulled a pillow off the bed and held it to his chest. 

“Right here, my good sir”, Sapnap said, offering Techno a bottle of Smirnoff.

Techno stared at it for a moment. He could smell it on the other’s breaths now. Smirnoff and cigarettes smoked out the window. It smelled just like Wilbur. He pushed the rising anxiety further down into his body and swallowed the lump in his throat.  
“Uh, is there anything else?”

“Here, you can ‘ave some of mine”, George, who appeared to be catastrophically drunk, leaned forward and handed Techno a bottle of Malibu rum. 

“Thanks”, he muttered, taking it and taking a swig. It was sickly sweet, but it went down smooth.

“Why don’ we hang out anymore, Techno?” Dream asked him. They were sitting in his backyard smoking, Sapnap and George still inside drinking.

“I would love to hang out with you. You don’t ever want to.” Techno scoffed.

“What? Don’t be a bitch, Techno.” 

Techno stared at his friend, shocked. “What? What do you mean, ‘don’t be a bitch’? I’ve been trying to hang out with you sober for like a year, you only ever hang out with George and Sapnap nowadays.”

Dream sat up straight and looked at him. “Seriously? You’re jealous of George and Sapnap?”

“What? I didn’t- I didn’t say I was jealous, Dream! I was just stating a fact!” The alcohol in his system only fuelled his already burning rage.

“Christ, you’re obviously fucking jealous, Techno! You’re just jealous b’cause you don’ have any friends, and I have friends, and Tommy doesn’t like you, but my sister likes me! You’re always jealous of me, Techno! You always have been!” Dream yelled, shoving Techno.

“I’m not fucking jealous of you, Dream! Shut up!” Techno shouted back, his fists balling at his sides.

“You’re jealous! You’re jealous because I have a real dad!” Dream slurred, jabbing his pointer finger into Techno’s chest.

Techno froze. A scene played before his eyes. In the scene, he tackled Dream, pinning him to the ground and swinging into his face with all his strength. He heard the cartilage in his nose break, felt it under his knuckles. He split Dream’s lip, watched his face fill with blood that left his hands hot and sticky. The scent of copper filled his nose, the sound of Dream screaming and begging him to stop fell muffled on his ears.

It took him a bit too long to realise it was real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeahh wooo two updates in one day because you guys are so nice :) i hope you enjoy
> 
> follow me on twt:  
> https://twitter.com/wallacenvomit
> 
> join the catalyst series discord server:  
> https://discord.gg/7RKdZUbxFd


	3. hide yourself, hide yourself, i'm sorry i'm bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HUGE HUGE WARNING FOR SUICIDAL THOUGHTS IN THIS CHAPTER!!! please don't read if it will trigger you!!

He heard yelling, distant, and muffled. He felt himself get yanked back, people shouting in his ears. 

As he stared at Dream’s bloodied face, George worrying at his side, it started to sink in that he had done that. He stood in shock, held back by Sapnap alone.

“Wait”, he panted, his hearing starting to come into focus, “I didn’t- I didn’t mean to- I didn’t mean to do that”, he insisted, his voice weak.

“Get him out of here, Sapnap! Get him the fuck out of here!” George shouted, trying to help Dream sit up.

“Alright, let’s go”, Sapnap grumbled, pulling Techno away from the scene.

“No, wait, I-I didn’t- I didn’t mean to do that”, Techno begged, stumbling along as Sapnap dragged him.

In the front yard, Sapnap shoved him towards his car. “Get the fuck out of here, dude. I’m not fucking around.”

Techno was frozen in place, still staring at the back gate. “I didn’t… I didn’t mean to do that, I thought it was just- I didn’t- I didn’t even feel it.”

“You didn’t feel it?! You’re a fucking psycho, get out of here! I’m serious, go, now!” Sapnap shouted, shoving Techno again.

He stumbled back, steadying himself against the hood of his car.

“Go!” Sapnap yelled, his fists balling at his sides. 

Techno swallowed the lump in his throat. This couldn’t be happening. He nodded and fumbled to open the car door, then got inside. He sat still in the driver’s seat, staring dead ahead.

Sapnap slammed his fist on the hood of his car. “Go!” He shouted, his voice muffled behind the glass.

Techno blinked and tried to come back to the present moment, doing as Sapnap told him and backing out of the driveway.

The road was empty. It was dark, silent as he moved through the world. He needed to pick Tommy up. He had blood on his hands. He needed to turn left here. He could still feel Dream’s nose breaking under his knuckles. Turn signal, Techno. Turn signal, then turn. Dream’s screams played on loop in his head.

TechnoBlade Never Dies: I m here

TommyInnit: k ill be out in a second

He sat in the driveway, staring dead ahead. The scent of copper flooded his lungs. He took a shaky breath, then another. Was that real? Had that happened? He looked at his hands. They were stained red and sticky. He was getting blood on his steering wheel.

The passenger door opened and Tommy got in. For a moment, they just sat, before Tommy looked over.

“What the fuck?!” Tommy cried, backing away as much as he could in the confined space.

“I-I don’t know what happened”, Techno muttered, staring at his hands.

“What the fuck?! What the fuck, Techno, what did you do?!” Tommy shouted, eyes wide in horror.

“I… I really hurt Dream. I didn’t mean to.” He said, his own voice sounding distant and muffled.

“What is wrong with you?!” Tommy cried, clutching his bag to his chest.

“I-I don’t know… we should go home. I need to wash my hands.” Techno said, distantly aware that he was pulling out of the driveway and back onto the road. The ride was silent, Techno sitting behind layers of glass and Tommy shaking in a quiet fear.

When they got home, Tommy ran inside the house. Techno sat in his car for a moment longer, staring at the blood on his hands. In the orange light of the streetlights, it looked like oil, black and slick.

He heard someone knocking on his window. Pounding, really. Phil stood outside, a look of worry and horror on his face. 

“Get out of the car, Techno, please.” His voice was muffled.

Techno turned the car off and got out, his body moving on its own.

Inside the house, he watched as Phil made him wash his hands. Watched the water turn red and disappear down the drain.

“I’m going to call Dream’s mother, you go upstairs.” Phil sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Christ, Techno. What if they press charges?”

Techno stared at his father. “I didn’t mean to.”

“What good does that do, Techno? You still did it!” Phil’s voice was raised, making Techno tense.  
“Go upstairs. Now.”

Techno blinked, then nodded and did as he was told. 

His room was pink. He didn’t want to see anything, so he turned off the lights. His room was black.

He laid down on the bed and stared into the darkness, focusing on his breathing. It was a ragged, shaking animal. As he stared into the darkness, all he could see was blood. Dream’s bloody face morphed into Dream’s mutilated corpse, his skull caved in with brain matter leaking out, his ribs cracked open, exposing his lungs. 

Techno felt his brain fill with static, sharp and black digging into him like glass. He felt himself sink, felt himself fall, felt himself plummet into the darkness of space.

“Techno?” Phil’s voice brought him back to his room.  
“Are you still up?”

“Yeah, I am”, Techno replied, his voice weak.

Phil entered his room, shedding warm light from the hallway and banishing the darkness.  
“They’re not going to press charges”, he said with a sigh.

“Oh”, Techno swallowed thickly, “That’s good.”

“Why did you do that? What happened?” Phil asked, sitting on the bed beside him.

Techno took a breath. “I didn’t… I didn’t mean to, dad. I didn’t know it was real.”

“What do you mean? You didn’t know it was real? Like you thought it was a hallucination?” 

“I thought it was j-just a thought. I thought I made it up. I haven’t felt like that s-since the stuff with Wilbur.” 

Phil stared at him, his expression complex. “You get thoughts about hurting people?”

Techno felt his heart race. He took a shaky breath and nodded.

Phil took a deep breath and rested his head in his hands. “Okay. I don’t know how to deal with that. I think Wilbur deals with stuff like that, do you want me to call him home?”

Techno shook his head. “He needs to be in college.”

“Would you call him for me? So you have someone to talk about it with?” Phil asked, his tone desperate.

Techno stared dead ahead. “I guess.”

“Thank you. I’m going to call around and find you a therapist tomorrow, okay?”

Techno tensed and buried his face in the pillow. “I don’t wanna go back to therapy”, he mumbled.

“This isn’t optional. You don’t get to beat up your best friend and keep going without changing anything.” Phil’s voice was stern.

He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to force the images that were already surfacing out of his mind. “I d-didn’t mean to.”

“All the more reason to go to therapy.” Phil sighed. “I think this goes without saying, but you’re grounded. No parties, okay? Just school and home.”

Techno curled up into a ball, his fists pulling his hair tight. “I didn’t mean to, dad”, he choked out, tears finally starting to poke at his eyes.

Phil stared down at him, put a hand on his shoulder and sighed. “Call Wilbur now. I’ll leave you alone to talk to him. Come get me if you need anything.” He stood up and left the room, closing the door behind him and shrouding the room in darkness once more.

His phone’s light was pale in the blackness. He called Wilbur over the phone, not over discord, so he would know it was important.

“Hello? Techno?”

“H-Hi, Wilbur.” Techno whispered.

“What’s up? Is everything okay?”

Techno felt the lump in his throat choke out a sob. “I-I really fucked up, Wilbur.”

Tommy asked Phil to drive him to school. He would go home with Tubbo, and Phil could pick him up from there when he got off work.

Techno tried not to cry on his drive to school, completely alone in the car. 

“The thoughts will never go away”, Wilbur had said. “You just have to keep living with them. The important part is that you don’t act on them. No matter how… no matter how powerful it makes you feel.”

“I don’t want to feel powerful”, Techno had insisted. “I don’t want to hurt people.”

“It’s always about power, Techno. You’re scared, making people scared of you lessens that fear. Just don’t act on them, okay? Take a step back. Count to ten. Shake your head, whatever you need to do to get rid of them.”

He pulled into the parking lot. He started heading to the far end of the parking lot on instinct, but a voice stopped him.

“Fuck off, Technoblade!” Sapnap yelled. “Don’t fucking come near us!”

The other three were huddled by him, staring at Techno. Sapnap looked furious. Fundy sported a sick grin. Alex and Karl… Alex and Karl looked scared. Karl looked betrayed, as if it had been him under Techno’s fist last night.

Techno was frozen in place, staring back at them. Right. Sapnap was their de facto leader to some degree, and he was one of Dream’s best friends. He took a step back, then pulled his hood up and turned around. He went to the secluded area by the football field, instead.

He chain-smoked. Techno was never one to chain-smoke. It reminded him too much of Wilbur, but he could hardly breathe without the burn in his lungs.

They hated him. Karl looked betrayed. God, he hadn’t realised how much he liked hanging out with Karl until now. Now that he hated him. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t do English with Fundy at his side, it would be torture.

The bell rang, and he did it anyway.

He knew he was headed down a rabbit hole when he spent the whole of English envisioning his teacher being gutted and skinned.

He knew it was getting worse when he found himself in the bathroom in second period, staring into the mirror and imagining his own face bloody and broken.

He realised he needed to reach out to someone when he punched the mirror, shattering it and staring at the shards.

“Uh, no.” Bad was glaring at him before he even spoke. Him and Skeppy were sitting under a tree at lunch, Bad’s eyes practically glowing with rage and Skeppy painfully quiet.

“I… I just wanna talk to Skeppy”, Techno said, his voice hoarse from smoking.

“He doesn’t want to talk to you. Not after what you did to Dream.” Bad crossed his arms.

Techno swallowed the lump in his throat. “It was an accident. Really, I just wanna talk to him for a couple minutes.”

“No! You don’t get to act buddy buddy with us after you beat up my brother’s best friend! Go away!” Bad shouted now, his voice shrill and commanding.

Techno looked between the two. Bad was glaring up at him, and Skeppy… Skeppy wouldn’t look him in the eyes. He felt his heart sink to the bottom of the earth. He nodded.  
“Okay. I’ll see ya around.” He said, then turned and left.

“No you won’t!” Bad shouted after him.

Techno didn’t go home after school. He drove straight to Schlatt’s.

“Technoblade, good to see you. What’re you here for?” Schlatt asked, letting him into the house.

“I fucked up”, he said, staring at Schlatt helplessly.

Schlatt paused. “Okay, come upstairs with me.”

They sat on his bed. “Tell me what’s goin’ on, Technoblade.”

“I beat Dream up”, he whispered.

“Why?”

“He- I didn’t- I didn’t mean to. He was drunk- we were both drunk- he kept sayin’ I-I was jealous of him because he has friends, a-and siblings who like him, a-and…” Techno swallowed thickly, “and a real d-dad.”

Schlatt stared at him for a moment. “It sounds like he got what was comin’ to him.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt him, Schlatt. I didn’t mean to, it just- it just happened before I knew it was happening.” Techno whispered.

Schlatt sighed. “I know. I get what you mean. It felt like it was fake, right? Like it was just another fucked up thought?”

Techno stared at him and nodded. “Y-Yeah, exactly like that.”

“I get it. It’s hard, man.” Schlatt sighed. “I’m not much good at offerin’ advice, but do you want a drink?”

Techno stared at the bed for a moment. He felt like he was in Wilbur’s body. “Yeah, actually. Just, um, anything but vodka.”

“Sure thing. Let’s go downstairs.”

“Just don’t become dependent on it, y’know? It’s just to help you sleep.” Schlatt said, handing him a bottle of Jack Daniels.

“Yeah, yeah I know. How much?” Techno asked, taking it and pulling his wallet out.

“No charge, you’re a friend. Come and talk to me if you need it, okay? I dunno how to comfort, but I can listen. Seriously, you can show up at any hour.” Schlatt said.

Techno paused. The only person Schlatt had ever given free stuff to was Wilbur. It made his stomach twist a little, but he wasn’t about to turn down free alcohol.  
“Thanks. I’ll take you up on that.” He mumbled.

“Please do. I’ll see ya around, okay, Technoblade?”

“Sure thing.” Techno nodded and left.

It was one in the morning, and Techno was bordering on belligerently drunk alone in his room. He grabbed his pack of cigs and stumbled downstairs, trying to be quiet. He walked along the street, the orange light only serving to make everything feel less real than it already did. He was starting to understand the appeal of drinking. He’d never gotten drunk, not this drunk at least. The world swayed and buckled under his boots, he had to lean against the street lamps to stay upright every so often. 

He was almost out of cigs. He had bought the pack yesterday. He huffed a laugh at that. It was pathetic, wasn’t it? He was sitting under a streetlight a block from his house, chain-smoking and drinking straight from a bottle of Jack. He really was just like Wilbur. Maybe worse, actually. Wilbur never broke anyone’s nose. He’d broken three.

No, he didn’t want to be like Wilbur. If he was going to self destruct, he’d put his own Technoblade spin on it. He heaved himself up and stumbled to the park. He’d get a little privacy, that would be good.

As he walked along the sidewalk, stumbling every so often, he thought about the knife in his pocket. He could stab himself. God, that would feel good, wouldn’t it? A smile crept onto his face. He could drag it through his abdomen, watch his guts spill out of him like vomit. He arrived at the park, and stumbled down the rocks at the far end to get to the storm drain that sat at the back of the park. It was one of his favorite places as of late. Easy to reach, private. A good place to smoke.

A better place to die, maybe. 

It was a square tunnel, the ground underfoot was wet and covered with leaves. The walls sported hundreds of tags and drawings, all spray paint and sharpie on grey painted concrete. He used the flashlight on his phone to get to the middle, where it was darkest. He sat on the ground, leaning against the cold wall. 

He wondered if he could even feel pain right now. He laughed a little and slammed his head back into the concrete. He barely felt it. That made him laugh more. 

Techno fiddled with the knife in his hand, flicking it open and feeling the cold blade against his skin. He could slit his throat, couldn’t he? It would be so easy. The thought alone made him euphoric. None of this, ever again? Nothing for the rest of eternity? 

It would probably take days to find his body. Weeks, maybe. Who would check a storm drain in the park? 

He lit another cigarette and pulled himself to his feet, swaying dramatically. He took a long drag from the cig, then let it out with a shaky breath. He placed it between his teeth and turned to face the wall. He psyched himself up, jumping around a little, then punched the wall as hard as he could. Pain shot through him, and he let out a noise half way between a laugh and a sob. He did it again with the other hand. He looked at his knuckles, grinning lopsidedly as he watched them start to bleed.

He got a sudden impulse to call Wilbur.

No, he didn’t need to. If he wanted to die alone, he would do it. 

He got a stronger impulse to call Dream.

He growled and slammed his fist into the wall again, crying out at the pain. He missed Dream more than anything. Dream was his home for years, and that had been taken away from him by George and Sapnap. And now he’d burned the bridge permanently.

Techno yelled and kicked the wall. He wanted it to end. He knew it would hurt people, but he wanted it to end so, so badly. He had fucking nothing left. Dream was gone. Tommy was gone. Skeppy wouldn’t speak to him. Everything had been ripped away from him with one stupid mistake. One crack in his mental fortitude.

He took another desperate drink from the bottle and finished his cig, putting it out on his leg. It burned, and he cried out at the feeling, but it made him feel alive for the moment.

He needed to call Wilbur. It wouldn’t be fair not to give him a chance to change his mind, it just wouldn’t be fair.

Techno stumbled to one end of the tunnel and dialed his number with shaking, bleeding hands.

It rang twice before he picked up.

“Technoblade? What’s up?”

“Hey, man”, Techno laughed a little, “Uh, how’s it goin’?”

“I’m good, what’s going on with you? Are you okay?”

Techno took a shaky breath. “Can you just- God, I’m gonna be so embarrassed about this later. Can you just- just tell me not to kill myself?” He begged, his voice cracking on every word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on twt:  
> https://twitter.com/wallacenvomit
> 
> join the catalyst series discord server:  
> https://discord.gg/7RKdZUbxFd


	4. i'm getting jiggy with a rifle, i pull the trigger with my eyes closed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw for suicidal ideation and drug use

“Jesus, okay, don’t do that. Where are you? Are you at home?” 

Techno sniffled and wiped his nose. “No, I’m in the storm drain by the park.”

“Go home, okay? Christ, Techno, you- I- God, I’m fucking glad you called me. Thank you.”

He stared at the darkness around him. “You would miss me, right?”

“Yeah, holy shit, I’d never fucking be the same, Techno. Tommy and Phil would miss you, too. It would break their hearts.”

Techno choked back a sob and took a drag from his cigarette. “Tommy fuckin’ hates me.”

A moment of silence bled from the other line. “You can love someone and hate them at the same time. Most people do.”

Techno stared at the knife in his free hand, the cigarette perched between his index and middle fingers. 

“Techno?”

He pressed his thumb into the blade. It was dull, it didn’t even break the skin. 

“Techno, are you there?”

He felt his guts writhe in panic as he put the blade to his neck.

“Techno, please, fuck, please answer me, you’re freaking me out.”

Techno’s breath hitched as the cold metal kissed his neck. “It would be so easy”, he rasped.

“Techno, no! Please don’t, Techno, please, please just listen to me. Please, Tech. I’m right here, please don’t do anything.”

All it would take is one strong push. One push into his jugular to leave him bleeding out in a storm drain. Nothing, forever? It sounded blissful.

All he had to do was push.

His hands shook. He started to push.

“Techno?!” 

The voice startled him out of it, his heart raced and his body acted on its own to throw the knife as far away as possible. 

“Fuck”, he panted, his eyes focusing back in.

“Techno, are you there?!” 

“Yeah, yeah I’m here. Sorry. I, uh… I’m here.” He swallowed thickly and rubbed his neck where the blade had been.

“Fucking Christ, Techno, you scared me! I’m driving down there right now. I don’t want you to be on your own, can you go home until I get there or something?”

Techno stared into the darkness and took a shaky breath, then swallowed the thick lump in his throat. “I don’ wanna go home. Phil will know. You don’ have to come down.”

Wilbur sighed on the other line. “Can you go to Skeppy’s or something? I’m definitely coming down.”

“No, h-he’s not talkin’ to me.” Techno said, wiping his eyes and going over to where he’d thrown his knife.

“Well I don’t want you alone for the two hours it’ll take me to get there, Techno. Could you please just head home?”

Techno held the knife in his hand. “I could go to Schlatt’s.”

“What? Why would you go to Schlatt’s?”

He flicked it shut and pocketed it. “We’re friends”, he mumbled. “I’m gonna call him. I’ll be at his when you get here, okay?”

“You’re friends with Schlatt?! When did y-“ Techno hung up.

He stared at his phone and took a drag from his cigarette, trying to calm himself down. His head was still swimming from the booze, and his heart was racing from the threat of death.

He dialed Schlatt’s number. 

Schlatt picked up after the first ring.

“Technoblade?”

“Hullo”, Techno mumbled. “Are you free right now?”

“Uh, I was about to head to bed, what’s up?”

“I jus’, uh, don’ wanna be at home. Could you pick me up from the park by my house?” He swallowed the lump that formed in his throat.

“I- yeah, sure, are you okay?” 

Techno took a shaky breath. “Yeah, ‘m good. Jus’ wanna hang out.”

“Alright. Stay on the phone with me while I drive, okay?”

He could tell something was off. Of course he could, he’d known Techno since he was ten. 

“O-Okay. I will.” Techno nodded.

A few minutes later, he was sitting on the lip of the storm drain, waiting for Schlatt’s car to pull into the parking lot. It did, and he got into the passenger seat. 

“Hey, bud. What’s goin’ on?” Schlatt asked, hanging up the call and looking him in the eyes. 

Techno stared dead ahead. “Nothin’ much.”

Schlatt stared at him for a moment longer. “Alright. Let’s go home. My dad’s out tonight, so we have the house to ourselves.”

“Thanks”, Techno mumbled.

“No problem, Technoblade.” Schlatt popped his tongue and backed out of the parking space.

Schlatt sat Techno down at the kitchen table with a blanket- he was shivering- and a cup of coffee- an attempt to sober him up.

“So you were just smokin’ and drinkin’ Jack in a storm drain? Alone? In the middle of the night?” Schlatt asked, sitting beside him at the table.

Techno shrugged.

“Why? The stuff with Dream?” 

Techno tensed, then nodded.

“Okay. Okay, so, I should not have given you the booze, huh?” Schlatt sighed and sipped his own coffee. It was black. He always made it black, he always hated it, but he would never dare admit that.

“I-I dunno.” Techno’s voice broke and he blinked back tears.

“I don’t want you doin’ this stuff, man. You’re actin’ like Wilbur.” Schlatt said, biting his lip out of nerves.

Techno flinched at the accusation. “I-I’m not like Wilbur.”

“I didn’t say you are. I said you’re actin’ like him. And that worries me. I’m fine with you smoking weed and shit, but drinking is a step down a dark path, man.” Schlatt lit his own cigarette and took a short drag.

“Then why did you give it to me?!” Techno cried, rage suddenly shooting through him and balling his fists.

“I didn’t know what else to fuckin’ do! What the hell would you do if your ex-best friend’s kid brother showed up and started talkin’ about wanting to hurt people?! I was tryin’ to give you a way to quiet the impulse!”

“It just made it worse!” Techno tried to hold his head high, but his words ripped a sob out of his throat.

“I didn’t know that! It works for me, why wouldn’t it work for you?!”

“I don’t know! I don’t know, I’m j-just fucked up!” Techno sobbed, finally burying his head in his hands.

Schlatt watched him for a moment, grimacing. He sighed and put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m… I’m sorry, Technoblade. I’m not the guy you should be coming to for emotional stuff. I shouldn’t’a given you the booze.”

Techno sniffled and wiped his eyes. “I-I’m sorry. I was jus’ lashin’ out at you. I shouldn’t’ve taken it.”

Schlatt nodded and took his hand away, letting Techno calm down on his own. He sipped his coffee, trying to clear his head of the snapping frustration that had sparked.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, drinking their coffee.

“I was gonna kill myself”, Techno whispered.

Schlatt stared at him, eyes wide. “What?”

“In the storm drain. I didn’t, though. I called Wilbur. He’s on his way.” Techno said, staring at the coffee in his hands.

“Wait, what? Hold on- Technoblade, you- you gotta rewind. That’s a lot to fuckin’- okay, fuck, you were gonna kill yourself?! Fuck, man- Wilbur’s on his way? On his way here? To my house?” Schlatt questioned, eyes wild as he frantically tried to process what he’d said.

Techno just nodded.

“Fucking hell, what?! I- Jesus fuckin’ Christ- do you- do you need a hug or somethin’?” Schlatt tried to keep himself levelheaded, looking to the kid beside him for any semblance of normalcy.

Techno shrugged. “I’m fine”, he mumbled. 

“No you’re not, what?! Technoblade, you were gonna kill yourself! Fucking hell, I- I thought you were medicated now! What happened?”

“I dunno”, Techno said. “I’m fine.”

Schlatt stared at him, trying to comprehend the situation he’d been confronted with. He put the cig between his teeth and dug into his jacket pocket to retrieve his flask.

“Can I have some?” Techno asked, voice soft and small.

“No, you can’t fuckin’- Christ, Technoblade.” He sighed and took a long swig before screwing the cap on again and putting it away. “Okay. Listen.” He put a hand on Techno’s shoulder and looked into his eyes.  
“You cannot kill yourself. Phil, and Wilbur, and Tommy- they all love you too much. They would never be the same. It would break Tommy, he already had to see Wilbur almost die. He couldn’t take it if you actually did. Do you get that? He’s an impressionable kid, Technoblade. Monkey see, monkey do, you get it? He’d be so heartbroken, he’d just- he’d kill himself too, man! And once you and Tommy fell, Wilbur would follow, and where would that leave your dad? That guy has worked his whole life to make you guys happy! Imagine if that got taken away from him, Technoblade. He’d be empty. He’d never feel love again, dude.”

Techno tried not to glare at the older man. “They don’ care that much.”

Schlatt groaned in frustration and leaned back. “Fuck, Technoblade, of course they care that much! I care that much!”

Techno’s glare softened. “What?”

“What- you- you don’t think I care about you? You’re like a brother to me, dude! I don’t want you to kill yourself! I don’t- I wouldn’t know how to keep goin’!” Schlatt insisted, his voice raw.

Techno stared at him, his eyes welling with tears. “Really?”

“Yes!” Schlatt cried, his voice breaking. He became aware of how emotional he was being, and he quickly cleared his throat, forcing back tears. “Fuck. Yeah, dude. You’re like a little brother to me.”

Techno sniffled and wiped his eyes, chuckling a little. “Are you cryin’?”

Schlatt scowled and wiped his eyes. “No I’m fuckin’ not. I don’t cry, moron.” He flicked’s Techno’s forehead, but there wasn’t a drop of malice in his body.

“You’re totally cryin’. Holy shit. You actually like me enough to cry over the thought of me dyin’?” He laughed now, tears budding in his eyes from a place of warmth this time.

“I am not fuckin’ crying, Technoblade! You’re seein’ things, Christ.” Schlatt insisted, laughing a little too. The two chuckled to themselves for a few moments, then sighed, almost in unison.  
“You said Wilbur’s on his way?”

Techno nodded. “I think he’s drivin’ down from his college. I told ‘im not to, but I think I freaked ‘im out.” He chuckled a little. “Fuck.”

Schlatt watched him warily for a moment. “You should take a nap. I’ll deal with Wilbur when he gets here, okay?”

Techno took a shaky breath and nodded again. “Okay. Tha’s a good idea.”

He stood and helped Techno up, taking his arm and leading him to his bedroom. The bedroom reeked of cigarettes and weed more than any other room, but Techno didn’t mind the smell. 

“Call me if you need anything at all, alright?” Schlatt offered a sympathetic smile and put a glass of water on the bedside table.

Techno nodded and closed his eyes. “Thanks, Jay”, he mumbled.

Schlatt stared at him, the name making his heart run cold. He left the room and shut the door, lighting a cigarette with shaking hands.

Techno woke up to muffled shouting through thin walls. He rubbed his eyes and sat up, huffing a sigh. He sipped the water on the bedside table, then stood up and made his way to the kitchen. 

The first thing he saw was Wilbur, fists clenched tight with ice-cold veins, shouting. He stepped into the room fully and saw Schlatt, waving his fist and shouting back. He blinked and tried to process what they were saying.

“It just wasn’t enough for you, was it?! You couldn’t just ruin my life, you had to go and fuck up my brother’s too?!” 

“I didn’t ruin your life, you fuckin’ moron, you did that yourself! Did I enable you? Sure!” Schlatt let out an exasperated laugh. “But guess what, Wilbur? I’m not the one ‘at set the example for ‘im in the first place!”

Techno quickly realised that Schlatt was drunk.  
“Okay, both of you calm down, let’s talk about this”, he said, his exhausted monotone the sole voice of reason.

Wilbur’s head whipped to face his brother and he pulled him into a hug before Techno could blink.  
“Fuck, Techno, you scared me so fucking bad”, he said, his voice pained and raspy like it always got when he’d been crying.

“I’m fine, it was- it was a momentary lapse in judgement, okay?” Techno pulled away and offered a cautious smile. 

“You have to talk to Phil about this”, Wilbur said.

“No, I don’t. You never did, why do I have to?” Techno scowled.

“I was never actively suicidal!” Wilbur insisted.

“Yes, you were! You jumped out of a movin’ fuckin’ vehicle, Wilbur!” Techno shouted back, jabbing a finger into his chest.

Wilbur stepped back, obviously realising he was right. “That’s not- listen, you need to talk to Phil. You need to get a higher prescription, o-or different meds or something.”

“Sure, solve everythin’ with drugs, that’s a good idea.” Schlatt scoffed, leaning- no, falling- against the wall of the kitchen and taking a swig from his flask.

“Prescriptions aren’t drugs, Schlatt!” Wilbur growled.

“Then why’d ya overdose on ‘em?” Schlatt snickered.

Wilbur’s rage sparked and he dashed forward, but Techno stopped him in his tracks.  
“Stop it, both of you!” Techno shouted. Wilbur panted, staring at his younger brother with fire in his eyes. He gritted his teeth, shook his head, and let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. 

“Schlatt, just… just shut up.” He turned to Techno. “I’m sorry. I’m just worried about you, okay? You have to understand how fucking scary it is to know you’re suicidal again.” Wilbur sighed.

Techno averted his gaze, shame burning his face and guilt tugging on his heart. “You don’t have to be worried about me.”

“I do, Techno. You’re my brother. I love you.” Wilbur said, trying to look him in the eyes.

Techno swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. “Okay. I… I just wanna go to sleep. Could we go home?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course. I don’t have to be on campus until noon tomorrow, so I should be able to stay for a while.” Wilbur nodded, offering a weak smile.

“Yeah, Techno, get y’r brother outta here”, Schlatt grumbled, a messy glare settling on the older of the two.

“Oh fuck off, you’re drunk”, Wilbur spat.

“Well, you’re high.” Schlatt retorted with a sloppy grin.

Wilbur froze, then bristled and grabbed Techno’s wrist. “Let’s go home”, he muttered, pulling him out of the house.

“Wait, what? Are you high?” Techno pulled away, backing up and staring at his brother with incredulous shock.

“It doesn’t fucking matter. Let’s go home, come on.” Wilbur tried to grab him by the arm again, but Techno backed up and easily evaded his hands.

“His pupils are dilated, his hands are shakin’ and he’s wiped ‘is nose seven times since he got ‘ere. He’s doin’ blow.” Schlatt said, grin wide as the Cheshire Cat.

“Fucking shut up, Schlatt!” Wilbur shouted, fists clenching and threatening to swing.

“You’re doin’ fuckin’ cocaine?!” Techno yelled, white panic running through his veins.

“My little brother is suicidal, i-it’s a little fucking stressful, okay?! I’m allowed to cope how I want to!” Wilbur cried, his voice a desperate rasp.

“What the fuck, Wilbur?! You were supposed to go clean! You were supposed to get straight! What will Phil think when he finds out?!” Techno stepped forward, shoving his brother.

“He’s not going to fucking find out, Techno! I’m fine! You’re not going to tell him, because if you do, I’ll tell him you’re drinking and smoking just like Schlatt!” Wilbur shouted, shoving Techno back.

Techno barked a harsh laugh. “Like Schlatt? Like Schlatt? You fuckin’ idiot, I’m takin’ after you! You gave me my first cigarette! You took me to the bar where I had my first drink! It’s all you, Wilbur! It’s always been fuckin’ you!”

Wilbur stared at him, eyes wide and arms half-raised in case his brother chose to strike.

Techno glared back, panting, fists balled at his sides.  
“It’s always been you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can already hear you now, "BOOOOOOO', you say. "VOMIT WAS GONE FOR A WHOLE FIVE DAYS HOW COULD IT DO THIS TO US", you cry. well listen. i have had a very interesting five days. i meant to post this in time for new years but i got too drunk to write and the day before that i realised i might be an osdd system and a few days before that i got a sugar daddy. i've had an interesting week alright. 
> 
> have a happy new year :D
> 
> follow me on twt:  
> https://twitter.com/wallacenvomit
> 
> join the catalyst series discord server:  
> https://discord.gg/7RKdZUbxFd


	5. i'm drowning in a thousand crises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hi guys :) how are you

Techno drove them home, in the end. Wilbur’s car was fancier than his, modern and sleek, but it was littered with cigarette butts, disposable vapes, empty red bull cans and fast-food wrappers.

They sat in the living room and watched the sun come up through the window, both drinking coffee and listening to the clock above the couch tick away. 

“So the story is, you were alone in your room, sober, and you were just really upset. So you called me and I came down to visit.” Wilbur said, his voice a soft rasp.

“Yeah, and you showed up sober too.” Techno shot him a glare.

Wilbur nodded and tugged on his beanie. “Are you gonna go to school today?” 

“I don’t want to, but probably, yeah.” Techno huffed and sipped his coffee, the thought flickering in his mind that he would prefer a cigarette.

Wilbur watched him for a moment, then turned his attention back to his own coffee. The world was cast in pale blue light, barely bringing color from the dark blacks and greys of night. Techno’s hair looked a pale purple silver in the early light, Wilbur’s a stark black.

“How did you and Schlatt become friends? Why didn’t I know?” Wilbur asked.

“I started buyin’ from him, he gave me discounts because he liked me. He’d hold parties at his house every now and then, and we’d both usually end up hangin’ out by the pool. You didn’t know ‘cause I figured it’d hurt your feelin’s.” Techno shrugged, finishing his coffee and standing up to make another cup.

Wilbur bit back a scowl. “He’s a bad influence”, he said.

“No shit, he’s a drug dealer. That doesn’t mean he’s a bad person, though. You know that.” Techno paused. “You used to know that, at least.”

He felt his heart twist a little. It was an odd sensation, he’d weighed it down with cement years ago, made sure it wouldn’t float, and tossed it into the ocean. He had expected it to drown under the roiling black waves by now, but it kept pushing through. He hated the feeling.  
“He’s the one that got me into all this stuff, you know.”

“You haven’t been friends with him for two years, Wilbur. If that’s really the case, why are you still doin’ it? Why have you-“ Techno gritted his teeth, his fists balling momentarily. “Why have you moved to harder stuff? If it was really Schlatt’s fault, and not yours, wouldn’t you be sober by now? Clean?”

Wilbur felt his heart twist again. It was agonising, the way he could still feel it despite the miles of waves and thunderstorms that sat on top of it.  
“I don’t want you to be drinking”, he said, his voice returning to its quiet rasp.

“I don’t want you to be-“ Techno realises his voice was raised and he cleared his throat and lowered it. “I don’t want you to be doin’ fuckin’ cocaine, either, Wilbur!” He whispered, his tone harsh. “But you’re not about to just stop, are you?”

He tried to glare at his younger brother, but it broke too easily and he looked away. He took a shaky breath. “No. I guess you’re not gonna stop either?”

“I don’t care about drinkin’. I’ll stop that, I don’t care. But I can’t- you can’t tell Phil about the smokin’. I just lost literally every single one of my friends except Schlatt. I deserve somethin’ to get me through the day.” Techno growled.

Wilbur stared at him, his brows furrowed with a mix of regret and mourning.  
“Is this my fault?”

Techno’s gaze softened. He put a bit of creamer in his coffee and sat down on the couch beside Wilbur.  
“None of this is anyone’s fault but our own, Wilbur. You need to understand that. It’s not Schlatt’s fault you’re- you’re-“ Techno hesitated, trying to find the right words, “It’s not Schlatt’s fault that you’re doin’ the stuff you’re doin’. It’s not your bio dad’s fault you act like you do, either. And it’s… it’s not your fault I’m doin’ this stuff either.” He sighed. 

Wilbur felt the lump in his throat burn, his eyes stinging with tears. “I’m sorry”, he said, staring at the cup of coffee in his lap.

Techno bit back the irritation that sparked. Distantly, he was aware he had almost killed himself that night. And now, a few hours later, he was comforting his fuck-up of a brother because he had the remarkable ability to make everything about him. He had almost killed himself, and Wilbur was the one crying into his coffee cup like he was the worst off person in the world.

“Wilbur? Techno? I- Wilbur, what’re you doing home? What’s going on?” Phil asked, appearing at the bottom of the stairs. 

Wilbur sniffled and wiped his eyes quickly, setting his coffee on the table. “Hi, dad. I just came down beca-“

“Wilbur is doing cocaine and I almost killed myself.” Techno deadpanned, looking his father in the eye.

There was a beat of silence.

“What the fuck, Techno?!” Wilbur cried, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and trying to swing.

Techno saw it coming, of course he did, and he socked Wilbur in the eye before shoving him off. “You have to talk about this, Wilbur! You can’t do this!” 

“Stop it, stop it!” Phil was between them, arms outstretched so they couldn’t reach each other. “Both of you! Opposite ends of the couch, now!” He ordered.

“He’s fucking lying, Phil! He’s trying to get me in trouble!” Wilbur insisted, trying to go after his brother again.

“Wilbur!” Phil shouted, eyes deadly serious. “Sit down. Now.”

Wilbur stared at him, fear flashing through his body, and obeyed. Techno sat at the opposite end, trying to convince himself he’d acted righteously.

Phil sat on the coffee table between them, head in his hands. He took a deep breath.  
“Alright. Tell me what’s going on.”

The two were silent for a moment. 

“No one is talkin’ to me at school. Skeppy and Bad are ignorin’ me, and Dream and his friends are yellin’ at me every time they see me. I don’ have any friends left.” Techno cleared his throat to dissuade the lump that made itself known there. “I got really upset an’ I called Wilbur to tell me not to do anythin’ drastic. He drove down, and when he got here, he was high on cocaine.” 

Phil stared between the two, his once hopeful eyes shattered with mourning.  
“Wilbur? Is this true?”

Techno tensed, waiting for Wilbur to bring up his own less than healthy coping mechanisms.

“Yeah”, Wilbur mumbled. He swallowed his nerves. “I… I got it from a guy at college. I had done it just before he called.”

Phil stared at him. “Wilbur”, he sighed. “Your campus is two hours from here. A cocaine high only lasts thirty minutes. Please don’t lie to me.”

Wilbur froze. Techno stared at him, then at his father.

“How do you know that?” Techno asked.

Phil looked at him with an expression that said, ‘please don’t ask me that’. Or maybe, ‘you already know how’.  
“Wilbur. Please just tell me the truth.” He said, looking at his older son.

Wilbur took a shaky breath, trying to break out of his temporary paralysis.  
“I… uh… I did it just before I saw Techno.”

“You did cocaine in my house?” Phil asked, his tone breaking on betrayal.

Techno eyed Wilbur cautiously. He was going to tell him they were at Schlatt’s. He was going to lose everything.

“The driveway, if that makes it any better?” Wilbur lied through his teeth. Techno’s eyes went wide.

Phil sighed, putting his head in his hands. “What do I… what am I supposed to do?” His voice leaked exhaustion, dread and hopelessness.

The two brothers stared at their father, shocked to see him so… broken.

“What am I supposed to do?” Phil asked again, his words cracking on a sob.

In the end, Phil asked Wilbur to check into rehab. He didn’t force him to, though. His son was twenty years old, he was adult, what power did he hold over him? He held him in a hug for a long time before he let him drive back to his campus.

Techno and Wilbur stood next to the car after Phil went inside, staring at each other.

“Why didn’t you tell him?” Techno asked, his voice hardly a whisper.

Wilbur huffed a laugh. “Why did you?”

Techno swallowed the lump in his throat and stared at the ground. 

“You just wanted to see me in trouble, didn’t you? You don’t care about my well being.”

“I do! I wanted to help you!”

“If you wanted to help me, you would have kept your fucking mouth shut!” Wilbur scowled. “Because that’s the difference between you and I, isn’t it, Techno? I would never betray you like that, and you know it. You don’t hold the same respect for me.” He spat. “Enjoy your shitty menthols and weed. You’re fucking welcome.”

With that, Wilbur got in the car and pulled out of the driveway. Techno watched him go.  
He didn’t look back once.

Phil scheduled an appointment for Techno to meet with his psychiatrist again for new meds, or a higher dose, whatever would help him.

Neither of them said a word when Tommy woke up, ate his breakfast, and asked Phil to drive him to school. Phil obliged.

“Do you want to go to school today, Techno?” He asked, taking his son aside. 

Techno shrugged. “I don’t really have anything to do at home”, he said, not looking him in the eye.

“Are you going to drive yourself there?” Phil asked. 

“Sure”, Techno shrugged.

Phil sighed. “Alright. I have to work late today, but if you need anything at all, call me and I’ll come pick you up. Okay?”

Techno nodded.

Phil stared at him for a moment, then let out a breath and left to drive Tommy to school.

Techno watched him leave the block, then he called in sick to school. He was eighteen, what were they going to do? He grabbed his keys and wallet and drove to Schlatt’s. 

Schlatt’s dad’s car was still gone when he got there. Schlatt’s car was there, though, so he knocked on the front door.

It took about a minute, but Schlatt eventually came to the door.

“Technoblade. Good morning.” He said, his voice gravelly and raw, likely from throwing up this morning.

“Hey”, Techno said. “Could I hang out here today?”

Schlatt blinked. “Don’ you have school?”

“I called in sick.”

“Wha’ happened with Wilbur?”

“I told my dad he was doing coke.”

“…and how’d Phil take that?”

Techno shuffled his weight to his other foot. “Not well. I’ve never really… seen him that upset before. He cried.”

Schlatt grimaced. “Shit. Yeah, of course you can hang out here. Come on in. Have you eaten breakfast?”

“No, not yet.”

“I got toaster waffles or pop tarts, take your pick.” Schlatt waved to the kitchen, the gesture saying something along the lines of, ‘mi casa es su casa’. 

The two ate waffles and drank coffee in silence, Schlatt still trying to wake up and Techno replaying the night’s events in his head.

Schlatt’s phone dinged. “Aw, shit. Fuckin’ Sapnap is comin’ over.” He grumbled, staring at the snapchat message. 

Techno tensed. “Oh. Should I go home?”

“Nah, it’s fine, just finish your breakfast and go hang out in my room. I’ll deal with him.” Schlatt said, sighing and sipping his coffee.

Techno nodded and did as he was told. A few minutes later, sitting on Schlatt’s bed and smoking a cig, he heard voices from the kitchen.

“Good mornin’, what’re ya doing here so early?” Schlatt asked.

“I’m outta cigs. I was also, uh…” the voice grew fainter. Techno strained to make out what he was saying, but he couldn’t catch anything.

“Really? I figured the guy was the straightedge in your group.”

“Yeah, he is, George is typically the one that goes for stuff like that, but uh… you heard what Technoblade did to him, right?”

“Technoblade? No, I haven’t heard, wha’ happened?”

“Oh my god, dude. He beat the shit out of him. They were just hangin’ out, this was a couple days ago, and Dream confronted him about always being a bitch about me and George, and he just went fuckin’ ham on him. Broke his nose, split his lip, gave him a black eye and shit.”

“Jesus, that’s fucked up. Did he go to the hospital?”

“Nah, it wasn’t that bad. He doesn’t care if his nose is broken. He’s badass that way. But what was really fucked up was that, like, Technoblade said he didn’t remember doing it. Like he kept insisting he didn’t mean to do it.” 

“And what do you make of that?”

“I think he’s fuckin’ psychotic, are you kidding me? Dream said he’s broken his brother’s nose before too, I dunno why he was friends with him for so long if he’s so fuckin’ violent. Freaks me out.”

“Yeah, it’s freaky. Well here’s your cigs, and he’s the bars for Dream. Sixty-five bucks in total.”

“Yeah, thanks, man. I’ll see ya around.”

“See ya.”

Techno heard the front door open and close. He finished his cig and put it out on the ashtray on Schlatt’s bedside table.

“What a fuckin’ cunt”, Schlatt scoffed. “You can come out now!” He called into the house.

Techno shuffled out, staying quiet as he sat on the couch.

“Sounds like Dream is spreading a different version of your story”, Schlatt said, sitting beside him and taking a swig from his flask.

“Not that different”, Techno mumbled.

“Dude, him sayin’ you’re jealous of him having a ‘real dad’ is not him bringing up a flaw in your relationship. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Schlatt leveled a serious look at him.

Techno shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. “I don’t wanna think about this”, he mumbled. “Could we just get high?”

“As long as you mean weed, sure. I don’t have any serious appointments today.” He stood up and beckoned him to his room.

“What do you mean serious appointments?” Techno asked, following him and watching as he packed the bong he kept in his room. He sat on the bed, knees pulled up to his chest.

“My bosses. They’re fuckin’ scary.” Schlatt huffed a laugh. 

“Your bosses? I thought you were like, your own boss?” Techno asked.

Schlatt laughed. “What, you think I just spawned with drugs? I gotta get it from somewhere, dude. Here, you can take the first hit.” He turned the bong around to Techno and handed him his lighter. It was a zippo, silver and gold with an engraving on it.

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,  
courage to change the things I can,  
and wisdom to know the difference.”

Techno studied it for a moment, then lit the bowl and took a hit. He had heard that before, whispered under his father’s breath in times of stress. 

Schlatt took the bong back after him, taking a hit far deeper than Techno would ever dare. 

The two laid on Schlatt’s bed, staring at the popcorn ceiling. 

“Do you ever see shit in the… in the little asbestos things?” Schlatt asked, looking over at Techno.

Techno huffed a laugh. “I was just thinkin’ about that. Yeah, all the time.”

They were silent for a moment, breathing in harmony and listening to their hearts beat.

“I always see Wilbur”, Schlatt said, his voice a cracking whisper.  
“I always see Wilbur.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on twt:  
> https://twitter.com/wallacenvomit
> 
> join the catalyst series discord server:  
> https://discord.gg/7RKdZUbxFd


	6. and later, i'll grow flowers in your absence, then go shower in more absinth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> watson family addiction problems go brrrrrr
> 
> warning for hard drug use in this chapter :)

He hadn’t expected the day to be good, but he hadn’t expected it would be this bad.

Techno had driven himself to school and parked, then went to the bleachers by the football field to smoke. It was alright, up until he heard the football coach start shouting orders to his team, and the field came alive with jocks doing their morning workouts.

It was then that he realised he had missed the first bell, and he was late for English. He had scrambled to put out his cigarette and rush to his class, but Mr. Smith was in the middle of a lecture when he walked in. He took his seat, which was regrettably next to Fundy. 

“You reek of cigs, dude”, Fundy hissed.

Techno kept his eyes trained forward. He ignored the hot shame turning his cheeks red, and he ignored the growing impulse to turn around and sock Fundy in the face.

He gritted his teeth when the teacher split them into groups, placing him with Fundy.

“So…” he cleared his throat, not looking the other in the eye, “What did you think of the first chapter?” Techno asked, trying to stay civil.

“I thought it was cool how everything is written like a diary. Do you have a diary? Did you write about beating up your best friend in it?” Fundy prompted, voice as cheerful and sly as ever, tilting his head to the side.

Techno focused on his breathing and tried to unclench his fists. He swallowed his rage and pushed the scenario of brutality to the corner of his mind. The sick crack of Fundy’s skull against the linoleum floor, the halfway scream and halfway laugh he would make as his brain struggled to survive with a shard of bone stuck through the middle.

“I thought that was… interestin’… too.” Techno managed, forcing the words to come out as friendly. The scene crept out of the corner of his mind and saddled up right behind him, playing that delirious half-scream half-laugh on loop.

“Is it true you didn’t remember it? You didn’t even realise you were doing it?” Fundy asked, cruel curiosity dripping from his words. 

Techno took a breath in, then out. He didn’t look at Fundy’s face, he knew the impulse would get even stronger if he did.  
“We should talk about the book.”

“So it is true. Are you mental or something? Is that why you didn’t remember?” Techno could hear the grin in Fundy’s voice.

“We should talk about the book”, Techno insisted again, his monotone a bit quieter than usual. 

“Are you schizophrenic or something? Psychotic? Did Dream know? Or did you catch him off guard? Was that your plan, to catch him off guard?”

Techno forced himself to take a breath in, then out.

“Would you have killed him if George and Sapnap didn’t stop you?” 

The chair scooted back loudly as Techno stood, grabbed his backpack, and left the classroom. He could feel the entire class’s eyes on him, feel Fundy’s satisfaction and the teacher’s confusion. He went to the front office.

“Hey, my dad is waiting to pick me up outside. Can I head out?” He asked the woman at the front desk.

The woman shrugged, “Go ahead.”

He was out of the school and in his car before he knew what he was doing. He drove aimlessly for a bit, before he realised he was in Schlatt’s neighbourhood. He saw a couple of cars outside his house, but he didn’t pin any of them as Schlatt’s dad’s, so he parked his own and went to the door. He knocked twice.

A moment passed before the door opened.  
Schlatt stood behind it, looking… nervous.  
“Hey, could you come back later? I’m kinda busy right now.” He said, offering a weak, uncharacteristic grin.

“Oh, uh, yeah. Sorry.” Techno nodded and started to turn away.

“Hold on, hold on!” A voice called from inside the house. The color drained from Schlatt’s face.  
“Who’s this? Jay, won’t you introduce us to your friend?”

Schlatt stood frozen at the door, then looked at Techno, eyes wide. He mouthed, “Go.”  
“Guys, it’s just a customer, you don’t have to worry about him.” He said, turning back to the inside of the house.

“Well he’s our customer too, then, isn’t he? Bring him in.”

“Guys, really, he’s probably got stuff to do. I don’t wanna-“

“Jay.”

Techno watched Schlatt’s entire body tense. 

“Bring the kid inside.”

Schlatt nodded, before turning back to Techno. He made eye contact with him, his eyes wide open and terrified. “Do not. Take. Anything.” He mouthed, before turning around again.  
“Alright, come on in.” He beckoned Technoblade in.

Techno followed him inside, blood running cold at the sight of three men sitting at the kitchen table. There were piles of pills and stacks of powders on the table, as well as a handgun that one of the men had his hand on.

“Hi, bud. You one of Jay’s friends?” The man with the gun asked.

Techno nodded, not saying a word as Schlatt took a seat at the table and motioned for him to do the same. He did, and he felt his heart start to race faster.

“What’s your name, kid?” He asked, taking a drag from his cigarette. Techno recognised it as a Marlboro Gold, Wilbur’s favorite brand.

“Uh, my name is Technoblade”, he muttered.

“Technoblade?” The guy laughed, and the other two joined in. “Don’t fuckin’ lie to me. What’s your name?”

“His name is Rose. His parents are hippies, Technoblade is just a nickname.” Schlatt cut in.

A moment of silence followed, the lead man staring at him. “Did I fucking ask you?”

Schlatt tensed. 

The man turned his gaze back to Techno. “So, Rose. What do you typically go for? Uppers, downers?”

Techno swallowed thickly and shrugged. “I, uh, just like weed.”

The man nodded. “You like the feeling it gives you? Like you’re free? No pain in the world?”

Techno saw Schlatt’s eyes dart to his, an expression that reiterated, ‘Do not. Take. Anything.’  
“Um, yeah, I guess.”

“You wanna try somethin’ better?” He offered, tone innocuous.

Techno swallowed his nerves and shook his head. “No thanks, I’m happy with weed.”

The man stared at him. “Rose, come sit next to me.” He pulled the empty chair next to him closer and patted the seat. 

Techno looked to Schlatt for instruction. He looked terrified, but he gave a quick nod. Techno moved to the seat beside the man. The man put an arm around his shoulder, and Techno felt something twist in his stomach. 

“Rose, I want you to try something. Your good friend Jay will pay for it, don’t worry.” The man said, digging a baggie out of his pocket.

“He doesn’t want to do anything, man. He’s happy with weed.” Schlatt objected.

“Jay, if you talk without my permission one more time, I’m gonna put a bullet through your fuckin’ skull. Shut the fuck up.” The man glared at Schlatt.

Schlatt looked at Techno, brows furrowed, then back at the man and nodded.

“Rose, I want you to try this. You’re gonna love it.” The man opened a switchblade and dug out a small lump of brown powder from the bag on the tip of the blade.

“Uh, I-I’m alright”, Technoblade insisted, voice small and meek.

“You’re just gonna sniff, okay?” He brought the powder to Techno’s nose. Techno looked at Schlatt, who wore an expression of, ‘Please, God, don’t do it’.

“What is it?” He asked, his eyes darting between the men in the room.

“It’s called smack. It’s a real nice high, feels euphoric. Relaxing.” The man said.

He hadn’t heard of smack before. It sounded calm, right? He knew he shouldn’t trust the man, especially not with how terrified Schlatt seemed to be of him. He also felt like he didn’t have a choice, what with the gun on the table.

“He doesn’t wanna do it, man.” Schlatt butted in, looking like he was about to throw up with nerves.

“Jay!” The man grabbed the handgun with his free hand. “What the fuck did I just tell you?!” He shouted, pointing it at Schlatt’s face.

Schlatt stared at him, his breathing shaky. “Don’t make him do it, dude.”

The man clicked the safety off. Techno felt sick. He turned back to Techno, a friendly smile on his face. “Just inhale it through your nose, okay?” He instructed.

Techno’s heart was racing. Schlatt could die if he didn’t do it. Schlatt was looking at him, eyes wide, urging him not to, but what if that was a mistake?  
He swallowed his nerves and leaned forward, closing one nostril with a finger and pressing the tip of the blade to the other. He snorted, then squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his nose.

It hit him almost instantaneously. He felt a wave of peace wash over him, and felt a smile creep onto his face. It held the same slight disorientation as weed, but it felt so much better. He felt happy, he realised. He felt happy for the first time in fucking years. He grinned.

“Yeah, you like that?” The man grinned back.

Techno nodded, “I-I feel happy. I haven’t felt happy since I was like, sixteen.” He laughed a little.

“Aw, I’m glad, buddy.” The man turned back to Schlatt. “Just ten bucks for that first hit. Rose, buddy, do you want some to take home with you?” He asked, looking at Technoblade.

Techno looked at Schlatt, who looked devastated. It reminded him of how Phil had looked when he told him Wilbur was doing coke. But why did he look so upset? Techno was happy. He was happy for the first time in years. Schlatt didn’t want him to be happy?

“Uh, that’d be nice”, Techno said, looking back at the man.

“Look at that, Jay, I just secured you a new source of income! Isn’t that great?” The man grinned and handed Techno the baggie. “Do you want a gram of that, bud?”

“Uh, how much is a gram?” He asked, his voice slowed and breathy with a smile.

“About twenty of those little bags. Only a hundred sixty bucks for your buddy Jay over there.” The man said, and Techno realised he was stroking his hair. It felt nice. He felt safe.

“I have that much money, I could pay him back for that.” Techno nodded. He thought about it and realised it was surprisingly cheap. That little amount got him this high, it felt this good, and it was this cheap? The guy was right, it was better than weed, it felt amazing. It felt like he’d finally been offered a chance at happiness.

“That’s good. So, Jay, we’ll put a couple grams on the list today?” The man grinned at Schlatt.

Schlatt nodded, silent rage burning behind his eyes.

When the men left, Schlatt locked the door. Techno was beginning to feel dizzy and heavy.

“Technoblade.” Schlatt settled a glare on him. His eyes were sharp but pained.  
“I asked you to- I asked you to do one fuckin’ thing, Technoblade.”

Techno huffed a laugh. “Why’re you freakin’ out? It feels so good, Schlatt. It feels so good.”

“No fucking shit it feels good, Technoblade, it’s fucking heroin!” Schlatt shouted, the words filling the room.

Techno froze, felt his heart sink. “What? He said- he said it was smack.”

“Smack is a street name for heroin, you fucking moron!” Schlatt shoved Techno by the shoulders.

Techno scrambled back, getting to his feet and raising his arms defensively. “Wait, what?! I-I didn’t want to do heroin! I thought it was just somethin’ else I hadn’t heard of!”

“Oh, Technoblade, you fucking moron.” Schlatt buried his face in his hands.  
“Give me the bag he gave you. Now.” He extended a hand, a dead serious look on his face.

Techno hesitated. “I… but… I feel happy.” He said, backing away.

“Technoblade, I’m fucking serious. Give it to me now.” Schlatt stepped forward.

“I’m- I’m happy, Schlatt! You don’t want me to be happy?!” Techno objected, curling in on himself, keeping the bag close to his chest.

“I don’t want you to do fucking heroin, you idiot! There are other ways to be happy!” Schlatt shouted, storming forward and trying to grab it from his hands. Techno reacted on instinct, pushing him away and socking him in the face. Schlatt stumbled back, holding his eye in his hands.  
“Fucking hell!” He swore, “What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

Techno froze, realising what he had done. “Shit. Shit, I-I’m sorry, Schlatt, I-I didn’t mean to.”

Schlatt sighed, keeping one hand on his eye and gripping his hair with the other.  
“Fucking- it’s- it’s okay, I know. I know you didn’t mean to. Please just listen to me, Technoblade. Heroin is like, the worst drug out there. I can’t let you do that. I’ll- how about this, I’ll give you a free pack of cigs and a new cart if you give me back that bag.”

Techno stared at him, his heart twisting.  
“Okay. Okay, I-I’m sorry.” He nodded, holding the baggie out for him to take.

Schlatt pocketed it and sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Fuck. Okay, thank you. You are never doing that again, do you understand?”

Techno hesitated, then nodded.

Schlatt grabbed a pack of Newports and a cart, handed them to Techno, and pointed to the door.  
“Go home. Now.”

Techno took them and did as he was told.

That night, laying alone in his bed, he watched the popcorn ceiling as he smoked the new cart. He saw Dream. He saw Wilbur. He saw Schlatt.

He turned off the light.

He didn’t see anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i write this with the intention of hurting my readers
> 
> follow me on twt:  
> https://twitter.com/wallacenvomit
> 
> join the catalyst series discord server:  
> https://discord.gg/7RKdZUbxFd


	7. grey eyes, crowned by solar halos, follow throes of warm tornados

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was written with the help of a guest author! im crap at writing tommy so basil B4S1LB0Y wrote tommy's parts! he's also my beta reader now so hopefully, typos will be a thing of the past now :) enjoy!

There were other ways to be happy.

Technoblade wrote a list in the notes app of his phone of things that made him happy.

-Dream

-Skeppy (and bad)

-minecraft (hypixel)

-

He stared at his phone. Was there… anything else?

-Dream

-Skeppy (and bad)

-minecraft (hypixel)

-mashed potatoes (and baked potatoes)

-music

-monster energy (pink and white)

-weed

-

He stared for a moment more. Typed out, “heroi”, then erased it. That was going against the point. He needed to find ways other than heroin to feel happy.

Technoblade looked over his list again, then nodded to himself. It was a Saturday, Tommy was at Tubbo’s and Phil was sequestered away in his room, likely working overtime. He went downstairs and took a few russet potatoes out of a sack in the cabinet, cleaned them, then chopped them up and put them in a pot of boiling water.

He slipped his headphones into his ears and put on an album Bad had recommended to him. Sock-Footed, by Teddy Hyde.

Once the potatoes were soft enough, he drained the water and added butter, cream, sour cream, chives, and garlic, then mashed them up in the pot.

He grabbed a white Monster out of the fridge and picked up the mashed potatoes. The pot was still hot on the bottom, but he let it burn his hands a little as he carried it upstairs with a fork to his room. No need for a bowl if he was the only one eating it, after all. He rested the pot on his lap and turned on his computer, absentmindedly eating the potatoes as he booted up Minecraft. 

He logged onto the Watson family server. He would go strip mining, he decided, or looking for netherite. He cracked open the Monster and took a sip, cringing a little at the overwhelming sensation- he hadn’t had one in nearly two weeks- but let a smile flit onto his face as he relished the taste. To complete the last step of his master plan to make himself happy, he took a deep, long hit from his pen, before sliding it back into his pocket. He held it for a few seconds, then coughed quietly as he let it out and took another sip of the monster.

He was high, playing Minecraft, listening to music, eating mashed potatoes, and drinking Monster. It had to work.

  
  
  
  
  
  


It worked up until a few hours later when his phone started to ring. Tommy.

“Hullo?”

"Hi." There was a slight hissing in the background on Tommy's end. Sure enough, Techno noticed the weather for the first time that night: it was raining, and Tommy must be somewhere outside, from the sound of things. 

"Look, can you pick me up? I'm at Tubbo's, and he sorta..." his voice drifted off, and no further elaboration on that point came. Instead, he switched his tone up to something more accusatory. "If you don't come get me, I'm gonna get hypothermia and tell dad it's all your fault."

He blinked, slow, and forced. He was really high, he shouldn’t drive like this. 

“Uh, yeah, I’m on my way. I’ll be there in ten.” He said, chugging the rest of his monster to wake himself up.

As he left his room, he bumped into his father. 

“Oh, hey. I was just headin’ our to pick up Tommy.” Techno said, praying his impression of sobriety was convincing.

Phil stared at him for a moment, then nodded. “Right. I was just about to head out too. I gotta, uh, finish up some stuff at the office.”

“Okay, I’ll see you later, then?” Techno pocketed his car keys, looking down at his dad.

“Yep. Drive safe.” Phil said, before disappearing down the stairs. Techno waited to hear his car pull out of the driveway before going to his own. 

  
  
  
  
  


He pulled up to the sidewalk outside Tubbo’s house, where he saw Tommy standing in the rain, completely soaked.

“How long have you been standin’ there, man?” He asked as his brother got into the car.

Tommy shook his head like a wet dog, getting droplets of water all over the dashboard, windows, everything. "How long's it been since I called you?" He answered with a question of his own.

Techno grimaced.

“I dunno, like, ten-fifteen minutes? If you get pneumonia, Phil’s gonna be pissed.” He pulled away from the house and got back onto the main road. 

A silence hung in the air for a while, before Techno remembered that this was out of the norm.

“So… did somethin’ happen with you an’ Tubbo?”

"Yeah," Tommy's answer was simple, and he pretty much kept it at that. Words continued fumbling out of his mouth, desperate to distract from the topic at hand. "Are you high? Your eyes are all big and shit. You don't have your usual shitty aura about you."

Techno hesitated, staring straight ahead as he drove. 

“A little bit. Don’t tell Phil?” He said, more of a plea than his usual monotone.

Tommy sighed. No matter how much he tried, he knew telling on his brothers was a futile effort at this point. Wilbur was still fucked up. Techno was still fucked up. Nothing ever changed. "Yeah. Whatever. Just don't fucking... crash and kill us. Please."

“I won’t, I… I have practice. Don’t worry.” He sighed, signaling left and turning onto the main road.

“Are you avoidin’ the topic of you an’ Tubbo for a reason?”

"What if I am? Why do you care?" Tommy glared at his brother from the corner of his eye. "Why're you trying to get all buddy-buddy with me now? After, fuckin', I dunno, everything?"

Techno’s grip tightened on the steering wheel. He easily envisioned speeding into one of the telephone posts on the side of the road, wrapping his car around it and killing both of them. He took a breath to calm himself down.

“I’ve never set out to intentionally hurt you, Tommy. I try to keep you away from the bad stuff in my life.”

Tommy went silent for a few moments, grinding his teeth together. His eyebrows furrowed as he stared out the window, trying to find the right words. 

"I try to keep away from your bad stuff, too. But there's only so much either of us can do there. You know you've fucked up pretty badly, right? And, eventually, that shit gets impossible to avoid, because we live under the same roof!" Tommy barely registered his voice raising. 

"And the same school, too! And, and, Jesus, I never even told you about how I came into the school year, I was so excited, but then all your fucking old teachers realized I'm related to you two and-" he wasn't sure where he was taking this. As was common for Tommy, he just found the words leaving his mouth before he even thought of them. He ended whatever particular train of thought he was on, and took in a shaky breath. "You and Wilbur are fucking inescapable, Technoblade. It doesn't fucking matter if you try to- to keep it away from me, or whatever, because it always comes back to me somehow! Always!"

Techno felt his throat closing up at the words. He took a shaky breath and let it out. For a few moments, he was silent.

“Okay… I’m sorry. I wish I could- I could remove myself from your life effectively, but I can’t. I’m sorry you have to… deal with that.”

"... Are you fucking stupid?" Tommy's head snapped in Techno's direction, lips pulled into a scowl. "I don't want you out of my life. I want your shitty decisions out of my life."

Techno flinched at the insult. He took another shaky breath.

“Sorry”, he mumbled, keeping his eyes trained on the road.

"... Whatever. Sorry doesn't exactly cut it, but it's fine." Tommy simply crosses his arms and leaned back in his seat. 

"...So how have you been lately?" Although it was a question, the way he said it sounded more like a statement, or maybe a command. "We... don't really talk much anymore."

He thought the question over in his head. Tommy deserved to know what was going on, didn’t he?

“After the fight with Dream, I uh, tried to kill myself. Called Wilbur instead of going through with it. He came down and he was high on coke when he got here.”

Tommy let out a raucous and bitter laugh, leaning forward in his seat, not knowing how else to take the news. It all sounded like a sick joke to him. "You're kidding, right? He's on...? That's, like, one of the big bad ones, right? And you tried to- what the fuck, man?"

Techno chuckled a little too, finding it easier to laugh alongside him. 

“Nah, that’s not even the best part. I outdid him yesterday by accidentally doin’ heroin. Which is like, the biggest baddest one. Don’t tell Phil.”

"Heroin!?" Tommy sputtered. "How did you--where do you even get that shit around here?"

“I met Schlatt’s boss and he forced me”, Techno huffed a laugh. “Like, I skipped school to go to Schlatt’s just to hang out, but his boss and his goons were there when I showed up. They made me come inside and do heroin. Like, at gunpoint.”

Tommy blinked a few times, processing everything. He decided to start small, not wanting to digest the bit about Techno nearly getting shot. Or doing heroin. "Wait, wait, back up. Since when do you hang out with Schlatt?" That name gave Tommy a gut-wrenching feeling. The memory of a younger Schlatt pulling a gun on Dream on a beach trip two years ago was forever etched in his mind. Tommy wasn't sure he'd ever seen a real gun up close before that. He also knew Schlatt was the one that led Wilbur down his path of addiction. Techno spending time with him could be nothing but bad news.

He shrugged. “We’ve been friends for a couple years, he’s my plug.” Techno glanced over at Tommy. 

“Does that seriously surprise you?”

"He nearly killed Dream, didn't he?" And then, in a brilliant moment of never thinking before he spoke, "Oh, never mind. That's just something you guys have in common, huh?"

Techno froze. He signaled, and pulled off to the side of the road. He took a few moments to breathe, to get the scenes of violence and gore out of the forefront of his mind. 

“What the fuck have I ever done to hurt you, Tommy?” He finally met his brother’s eyes.

“Have I ever seriously wronged you, outside of trying to deal with my own shit? Is there any legitimate reason you feel the need to talk to me like I’m the worst piece of shit in the world?” Before he could think about what he was saying, he continued. 

“Are you not scared of me? Is that the problem? ‘Cause everyone fuckin’ else is! Have you not gotten the memo or some shit? I’m Technoblade, I’m a-an inherently evil, p-piece of shit, I’m violent, if you get on my bad side, I’ll b-break your nose!” He ranted, his fists balling at his sides. 

“Do I-I need to break your nose, Tommy?”

Tommy scolded himself mentally. He had made so many poor choices tonight. Going to Tubbo's house was a stupid decision. Calling Technoblade to pick him up was a stupid decision. Saying what he had just said was maybe his stupidest decision of the night. As soon as the words had left Tommy's mouth, he regretted them. More specifically, he had regretted the possible consequences. He was terrified of Technoblade, after all, and knew he wasn't above hurting his own brother. Wilbur could attest to that. He pressed his lips into a thin line, shrinking back into his seat.

Part of him wanted to plead for mercy, maybe just hop out of the car. Run. Fawn. Flee.

But a prouder part of him wasn't done digging his hole.

"You don't need to break anything!" Tommy matched his brother’s volume. "Why do you want to break my nose? Why do you want to break me!?" Despite his wishes, Tommy felt his vision growing blurry with tears; but he continued, trying to keep his voice level. "Break Wilbur, break Dream, break Skeppy, break dad? Break everything?"

Techno could feel his fists shaking, his heart racing, and his panic rising. 

“Shut- just fuckin’ shut up, Tommy!” He shoved his brother, hard, but kept himself back from actually hitting him. “I didn’t break dad! Wilbur did, you know I didn’t ever hurt him!”

"What? Are you fucking--Techno! You're doing heroin! That's gonna break dad! Wilbur fucked up, a lot, but so have you! Why are you pinning all this shit on him? He doesn't even live here anymore!"

“I did it once, and I was forced! I’m not gonna fuckin’ break dad, stop sayin’ that! Wilbur started all this shit, yeah, I’ve fucked up too, but I would never make dad deal with all that shit that Wilbur did! I’m fuckin’ responsible, Tommy! I keep my smoking to myself, I keep my drinking to myself, I keep what little drugs I do to myself! I don’t fuckin’ involve you and dad like Wilbur does! It’s my business and mine alone!” Techno shouted.

"'Your business and yours alone,' huh? That's why you're dumping all your business on your little brother during a car ride while he's trying to make pleasant conversation, and get pissed when he's reasonably concerned? Upset?" His lip wobbled. 

"Tubbo said they don't want to fucking see me anymore!" Tommy finally shouted. "Is that what you wanted to hear?"  
  
“You asked! You- You…” Techno trailed off, quieting. He stared at Tommy and let his fists unfurl.

“Really? Why?” His voice came out soft and cracking.

"'Cause I got issues," was just about the most he was willing to provide. He crossed his arms, looking over at Technoblade with cynical humor playing at his face. "I mean, come on. I had Wilbur for an older brother."

“I-I mean, yeah, but why would that make them drop you?” Techno asked, his brows furrowed as he watched his younger brother’s motions.

"I don't know! Probably because I treated them like shit?" Tommy suggested. "Do the finer details matter? I fucked up the best thing I had going for myself... I just want to go home."

Techno hesitated, then nodded and pulled back onto the road. 

“I’m sorry that happened”, he sighed. “For what’s its worth, I do have some idea of what it’s like to drive away your best friend. If you, uh, need someone to talk to about it.”

"Yeah, I bet you do," Tommy mumbled before he held his hands up in defense. "Joke! That was a joke! Obviously, I'm not one to talk."

Techno gritted his teeth. 

“Not a funny joke to make”, he sighed. 

“So what do you mean you treated them like shit? Like, how so?”

"Well I mean, it was a few things. I think the main one though was them saying I used them like a therapist."

He pulled into their driveway and parked the car, unlocking the front door and letting them in.

“Phil is out, by the way.” He mumbled. 

“So what if you got a therapist? Would Tubbo consider being friends again?” He opened the fridge, glancing over it, before shutting it again. 

“Do you wanna order food? I’ll get whatever you want.”

"No. Well I mean- I don't know. I can't speak for Tubbo." Tommy hopped up on the counter, kicking his legs as he spoke. "And also, I just... don't really think I need one?" He considered dinner for a few moments. "Chinese sounds great. Can I get some chicken egg foo yung and crab rangoons? Please?"

Techno nodded and pulled his phone out, ordering the food on DoorDash. 

“You probably need a therapist, Tommy. You are, y’know, a brother of Wilbur. I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to go to a therapist after you find your brother overdosed on the floor.”

"You make a good point. Consider, however: it's been a while since that happened, and I'm not as bad off as lots of people I know. I think it'd just be a waste of time."

Techno leveled a stare at his brother. 

“Tommy.” He sighed. “You don’t need to dig your heels in about goin’ to therapy. Do you… do you not wanna be broken? Is that it? You don’t wanna be fucked up, like me and Wilbur, and if you went to therapy that would classify you as such?”

"Well, I mean- no, I just..." he brought a hand up to his mouth and began to chew at a hangnail as he thought about what to say next. He didn't want his rambling tongue to fuck up more than it already had. "I really don't want somebody in my head, Tech. That sounds so scary."

“Don’t chew your nails”, Techno muttered, pulling Tommy’s hand away from his mouth.

“It is scary, but you have to do it or your life just keeps gettin’ worse.” He sighed. “Would you at least talk to a psych, see if you should get medicated?”

"What? No. Then we'll all be on drugs. We can't all three of us be doing drugs," he wiped his hand on his jeans. They were still damp from the rain.

Techno faltered, then laughed. “Dude, what? Medications aren’t drugs. Drugs, like, make the chemicals in your brain go crazy. Medications fix the chemicals in your brain that need fixin’. Like, with depression, it’s a lack of serotonin and dopamine production in your head, because your brain is weird. Antidepressants make your brain produce them correctly again.”

"But then, they fuck with the brain in other ways. And, some people get addicted to antidepressants and shit too, right? Or is that just a thing with painkillers?" Tommy thought out loud. "Never mind. Point is, I don't want someone poking at my brain, I don't want no drugs messing with things in there either- can we please just leave my brain alone?"

He fetched a Monster out of the fridge for himself and held out a Coke to Tommy.

“Not really, not if it’s makin’ you lose your best friend. I mean that was their point, right? You were only talkin’ to him about your problems and it got to be too much?”

"Thanks," Tommy took the Coke and popped the tab. "There were other things, too, that I just... you know. Don't really want to talk about. I'm fine, it's not the end of the world. Seriously. I don't need help."

Techno stared at him, sipping his own drink. 

“So who are you gonna hang out with? There’s a freshman I could introduce you to, he’s Niki’s little brother. Ranboo, do you know him?”

Tommy's eyes widened in recognition, and he sucked air in through his teeth. "See, the problem there is that I'm pretty sure Ranboo is Tubbo's new best friend." In reality, Tommy had only known of those two hanging out a few times. It was unlikely for them to already be as close as Tommy and Tubbo had been, but he felt like being bitter.

He hummed in acknowledgment and sipped his drink.

“What about that other kid you used to hang out with? Purple?”

"You know? I really haven't seen him around much since we got to high school. I could probably text him. I think he finds me annoying, but I could text him."

Techno nodded.

“I know you have, like, a vendetta against me, but I’m free almost all the time. We can hang out. I’ve been doing a lot of strip mining on the Watson server. Could probably get you a new set of netherite, if you’re interested.”

Tommy swallowed, considering his offer.

"Okay. I might actually take you up on that." It wasn't like he had many other ways to spend his time. He had been trying to avoid Techno for most of his recent memory because he thought he was fucked up. However, with thoughts of not wanting to go to therapy, being apathetic to the fact that he had driven away his favorite person, finding delight in the fact that his father was never checking in on him, and any number of other toxic things Tommy wouldn't dare admit to his brother in this moment... maybe Tommy needed to just accept the fact that he was no better. He could spare his brother some quality time, and- try to- let go of any past grudges.

"When's dinner gonna get here, anyways?" Without thinking, he found his finger right back between his teeth, gnawing at the nail.

“Half an hour. We could fit in a couple games of bedwars in if you wanted”, Techno offered, a grin pulling at his lips as he batted Tommy’s hand away from his mouth again. Tommy actually wanted to hang out with him. For the first time in… three years?

“I could get Phil’s laptop and we could play in your room or somethin’. I’d offer my room, but it, uh…” Techno chuckled nervously. “It’s not very tidy at the moment.”

"Sure, but I don't wanna play bedwars. I kinda, you know, suck at it," Tommy joked. "Maybe we could get me some netherite, yeah? Also- could you quit batting my hand away? If you can get drunk, I can have this," he rolled his eyes and went right back to biting his nails.

His face scrunched at the words.

“I don’t drink that often. You shouldn’t do that, it’s not good for you.” He insisted, pulling his hand away again.

"Techno," Tommy's eyes met his brother's. "C'mon. It's- fuckin'- nail-biting. Wilbur gets to do hard drugs."

“Wilbur doesn’t get to do hard drugs, Tommy, he’s fuckin’ addicted and it’s gonna kill him!” Techno shouted, his monotone deeper than usual with frustration.

"Okay! I get that! Can I please bite my nails in peace? Been doing it since I was, like, five."

Techno stared at him for another moment, then huffed. “Whatever. Let’s go play Minecraft.” He went upstairs, grabbing Phil’s laptop from his room before joining Tommy in his room.

The two played Minecraft until the food arrived, and when they finished eating they went right back.

At 10:34 PM, the doorbell rang. Techno glanced at Tommy, raising an eyebrow. “Would that be Tubbo or somethin’?”

"I dunno, I haven't really been looking at my phone," he admitted. "Do you think... you can go answer it?"

Techno hummed in thought and took his knife out of his pocket just in case. He headed downstairs and opened the door a little bit, peeking outside. His heart dropped at the sight that met his eyes.

“I told you, I got my keys aroun’ere somewhere”, Phil slurred, still digging around in his pockets. The man holding him up straight, a tall brunette, shared a nervous glance with Techno.

“The door’s open, Phil.” He muttered.

Phil looked up, his eyes lighting up. “Oh! Hey, Techno”, he said, a lazy grin tugging at his lips.

“Thanks f’r the ride Jim, y’re a real mate.” He smiled up at the man, patting his chest.

Jim, as the man had been identified, nodded. He looked a little familiar to Techno, but he couldn't place why. “No problem. You stay safe, okay?”

Phil nodded and shooed him away. “Yeah, yeah, ‘m fine. Get outta here.” He laughed a little.

The man met Techno’s eyes with a hidden grimace, nodded to him, then turned and left.

Leaving Phil and Techno standing together, facing one another. Techno’s heart was frozen, his breaths small and shaky.

“What’s… what’s goin’ on, dad?”

“Hm? What d’you mean? Can I come in?” Phil asked, his hands resting in his pockets as he shifted on his feet, swaying a little.

Techno swallowed thickly. He could smell the beer on his father’s breath from two feet away. “Are…” he took a shaky breath. “Are you drunk?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALSO!!! THERE'S NOW FANART FOR THIS FUCKING FIC??? WHAT??  
> LOOK AT THESE!!!  
> https://twitter.com/IchiIchiblade/status/1349004644463374340?s=20  
> https://twitter.com/IchiIchiblade/status/1348477804665565184?s=20  
> https://twitter.com/IchiIchiblade/status/1348138575758577665?s=20
> 
> im in TEARS over this man. sobbing and bawling and screaming. if you guys make fanart for this i will cry so hard (in a good way)
> 
> here's basil's ao3! pls go give him a follow he's a wonderful author
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/users/B4S1LB0Y
> 
> follow me on twt:  
> https://twitter.com/wallacenvomit
> 
> join the catalyst series discord server:  
> https://discord.gg/7RKdZUbxFd


	8. i'm alone besides the lovebirds that are nesting in my eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> does this count as fluff? does it? im trying so hard to write fluff for you guys

“Huh? Jus’ a little, c’mon, lemme in.” Phil took a step forward.

Techno took a step back, eyes wide and wary. He sent a quick text to Tommy- “stay in your room. go to bed or something”.

“Why… Why are you drunk?” Techno asked, closing the front door behind his father as he entered.

“I jus’ needed to let off a little steam. ‘ave you boys ‘ad dinner?” Phil asked, dropping his car keys in the bowl by the door and taking his shoes off. Techno didn’t miss the way he stumbled on his feet.

“Yeah, we ate. Since when do you drink?” Techno asked, keeping a cautious distance from his father.

“I don’t, Jimmy invited me out.” 

“You said you were goin’ to the office to finish stuff up.”

“Jimmy invited me out at th’ office”, Phil shrugged.

“And he drove you home?”

“Mhm. I’m gonna head to bed, alright? You should too.” Phil put his hands in his pockets and went upstairs, whistling a tune and swaying ever so slightly.

Techno watched him go, the pit in his stomach growing darker every second. He took out his phone and texted Wilbur.

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Does dad drink  
TechnoBlade Never Dies: Alcohol  
TechnoBlade Never Dies: Does he drink alcohol

wilbur: not anymore he’s a recovered alc  
wilbur: why do you ask

TechnoBlade Never Dies: He just came home drunk

wilbur: what the fuck  
wilbur: are you serious

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Yeah his friend Jim dropped him off  
TechnoBlade Never Dies: He’s a recovered alcoholic?

wilbur: that’s what he told me

TechnoBlade Never Dies: I think he relapsed then.

wilbur: that’s like  
wilbur: really bad dude

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Yeah obviously  
TechnoBlade Never Dies: What the fuck do I do 

wilbur: i mean like. maybe it was a one time thing? maybe you don’t have to do anything?

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Tommy is home dude he’s gonna figure it out  
TechnoBlade Never Dies: He’s not gonna take this well  
TechnoBlade Never Dies: What the fuck  
TechnoBlade Never Dies: What the fuck do I do Wilbur

wilbur: i have no idea. ive literally never seen him drunk i thought he was like a couple decades sober or something

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Fuck

wilbur: are you ok?

Techno stared at the message, then turned his phone off. He took a deep breath and let it out again. He went upstairs and locked himself in his room, where he allowed himself to breathe a little harder. He slipped into hyperventilation quickly, he gripped his hair and felt his hands and face go fuzzy. He let himself fall into the panic attack, muffling his sobs with both hands. After a few minutes, he managed to steady his breathing again.

“Okay”, he whispered to himself. “Okay, what do we do first? Tommy, we need to text Tommy.” He fished his phone out of his pocket and looked at their conversations.

TommyInnit: wtf  
TommyInnit: dads laptop is still in here

TechnoBlade Never Dies: I’ll get it tomorrow. Do not leave your room. Pretend you’re asleep or something  
TechnoBlade Never Dies: Phil is drunk. I don’t know what he’s like when he’s drunk. If he’s like Wilbur it’s better he thinks you’re asleep  
TechnoBlade Never Dies: If you need water or food or anything I’ll bring it to you. Seriously do not leave your room

He watched Tommy start typing, then stop. Then nothing came. Techno sighed and stood up, starting to pace around his room.

“Okay, what do we know? Phil is drunk. He went for a drink with the Jim guy. Jim drove him. That means he wasn’t just tipsy.” Techno muttered to himself. A scene flashed in his head- Phil driving himself home and landing himself in a wreck. A snapped neck, covered in blood and glass, dead in the driver’s seat. Techno wouldn’t find out until the next day. He’d wonder why Phil was gone. Phil wouldn’t answer his texts, and the bad feeling would gnaw at him all night. 

Techno violently twitched, his head shooting to the side and his shoulder shooting up to meet it. He shook his head and took a deep breath.  
“Stop it. You’re fine”, he told himself, a harsh whisper. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he startled, then looked at it.

TommyInnit: if he starts drinking regularly im never forgiving any of you

Techno swallowed thickly.

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Don’t be a dick  
TechnoBlade Never Dies: Ill drive you to school tomorrow ok. Don’t say anything to him about this

TommyInnit: fuck you i can be a dick all i like at this point  
TommyInnit: oh wait haha maybe i see what tubbo means now  
TommyInnit: whatever, ok you can drive me tomorrow

Techno sighed, a shaky breath, and sat on his bed again. He stared at his carpet, focusing on his breathing. It was okay. It was okay.

It was far from okay. He couldn’t think about this- he just- he couldn’t. He pulled his pen out from his pocket and took a long, deep hit. He coughed a little as the vapor curled out of his lips. He didn’t need to think about this.

He laid down and closed his eyes, taking another deep breath. 

He didn’t remember slipping from the high to the dreams.

Techno dropped Tommy off at school, then called in sick for himself. Phil had left before they’d woken up, and Techno’s nerves were still running high. He drove to Schlatt’s in silence.

“Technoblade”, Schlatt greeted, “Shouldn’t you be in school?”

“I-I called in sick. Can I come in? Is now a good time?” He asked, his battle jacket pulled close around him.

“Yeah, yeah of course. I got people coming over after they get out of school, but you can hang out in my bedroom.” He opened the door wider and let the teenager in.  
“What’s goin’ on? You seem shaken up.”

Techno sat on the couch and took a deep breath.  
“Everythin’ just- just keeps gettin’ more fucked up, man.”

Schlatt eyed him for a moment, then sat down beside him.  
“Elaborate.”

“Phil came home drunk last night.” Technoblade whispered, staring at nothing.

The older faltered for a moment before his brows furrowed. “Shit… isn’t he, like, a recovered alc?”

Techno nodded, before burying his face in his hands and letting out a sigh. “I think the combination of me trying to kill myself and Wilbur doin’ coke made him relapse.”

Schlatt nodded, running a hand through his hair.  
“Okay. Shit, man. That’s fuckin’… Jesus.” He pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his shirt pocket.  
“What’re ya gonna do?” He asked, wordlessly offering Techno one of the cigs.

Techno took it and lit it for himself, taking a long drag.  
“Fuck, man, I don’t know. What am I supposed to do?”

Schlatt hesitated, thinking. “I… I dunno. My dad has never been recovered, so I dunno what to do in the case of relapse.”

Techno sighed and relaxed against the couch.  
“Tommy’s gonna blame me and Wilbur. I guess he’s kinda right.”

He hummed in acknowledgment. “So you’re skipping school today, do you wanna go fuck around somewhere?”

Techno glanced over. Schlatt was offering to actually… genuinely hang out with him?  
“Uh, sure, where were you thinkin’?”

“Your dad taught you how to paint, right?”

“Yeah, but I’m like, nowhere near as good as he is. I dunno how to do oil paints or anythin’.”

“Let’s go to Ace Hardware and get some small things of house paint. It’s cheapest.” Schlatt stood, his cig perching between his lips, and offered Techno a hand.  
“Y’know those concrete pillars that hold up the freeway overpass on the way to the college?”

“Yeah, what about them?” Techno stood, raising an eyebrow.

“They just got repainted. There’s no graffiti, and I know the trail to get there. Let’s get your mind off stuff for a couple hours, yeah?” Schlatt threw on a lopsided grin.  
“You should drive, I’m tipsy.”

Techno felt a smile tug at his lips. He ignored the bitter feeling that came with the knowledge that Schlatt was drinking at- what was it- 9:12 AM? But Schlatt really wanted to hang out with him. He let the smile grow on his face.  
“That sounds good. What do we do if cops show up?”

“They won’t. An’ if they do, we run. It’ll be fine.” Schlatt grinned.

Techno felt himself grin too.

“What’re you working on?” Techno set his own paintbrush on the rim of a paint can and went to the side of the pillar Schlatt was painting.

“It’s a ram. Big ol’ horns, y’know?” Schlatt gestured to his art. It was surprisingly good, the eyes glistening and sharp and the horns backlit by fire.

Techno stared for a few moments. “Dude, I didn’t know you’re an artist, what the heck?”

“Your dad taught me”, Schlatt shrugged.

Techno’s gaze flicked to his friend. “He did? What?”

“Yeah, back when Wilbur and I were like thirteen-fourteen, I’d come to your house every day after school and Phil would teach us anatomy and color theory an’ stuff.” Schlatt took a swig from his flask, ignoring Techno’s bewildered expression.

“I don’t remember this, wouldn’t I have been eleven or twelve?”

“You were in your boxin’ classes, they lasted until five pm. Do you not remember?”

“Oh”, Techno hummed, “I guess I do. I never knew that.”

“Yeah. What’re you workin’ on?” Schlatt went to Techno’s side of the pillar.  
“Jesus.”

The painting was of a young man holding a decapitated head and a sword.

“It’s, uh, David with the head of Goliath. It’s a Caravaggio.” Techno said, showing Schlatt the reference on his phone.

Schlatt chuckled. “Imagine your name having ‘vag’ in it. What a loser.”

Techno laughed, a high pitched giggle. “You’re fuckin’ stupid, man.”

“Maybe so”, Schlatt grinned, going back to his own painting, “Made you laugh, though.”

The two startled as a loud, “WHOOP”, sounded from the base of the trail.

“Shit, the cops are here. Let’s go”, Techno said, quickly shutting the paint cans and shoving them in his backpack.

“Yep, let’s get outta here”, Schlatt agreed, doing the same.

They heard the speakers of the cop car crackle to life, but they were too far into the surrounding shrubbery to hear what they were saying.

The two shared panted laughs, scrambling around trees and cacti until they found themselves back at the base of the trail. The cop car was empty, it looked like they’d gone down the trail to try to catch them. They hopped in Techno’s car and peeled out of the parking lot.

“That was really excitin’”, Techno said, a giddy grin still playing on his face.

“Yeah, man! Was that y’r first time runnin’ from the cops?” Schlatt took a long swig from his flask.

“Yeah, holy shit. That was… holy shit, man. Let’s get back to your house.”

Techno took a drag of his cig as he scrolled through his phone, when his eyes caught on the time.  
“Oh shit, school ended five minutes ago.” He opened discord and sent a quick message to Tommy.

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Do you need a ride home

TommyInnit: no  
TommyInnit: im gonna go to the strip mall by the school could you just pick me up from there later

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Yeah no problem

Techno sighed in relief and let the smoke out of his lungs.

The doorbell rang, making him startle and put the cig out in Schlatt’s ashtray.

“Shit, that’s them.” Schlatt stood up and opened the door, letting his guests in.

Fundy, Tubbo, and Ranboo.

“What the fuck? Technoblade?” Fundy scoffed, looking between him and Schlatt.

“What, do you two have beef?” Schlatt raised an eyebrow.

“He nearly fucking killed Dream!” Fundy sputtered.

Technoblade remained frozen on the couch, eyes wide. Why were Tubbo and Ranboo here?

“Oh… yeah, well, Dream had it comin’. Anyway, what’re ya here for?” Schlatt asked, subtlety stepping between Techno and Fundy.

Fundy hesitated for a moment, scowling. “I’m just dropping them off… if you have any more sour apple puffs, though, it’d be appreciated.”

“I actually just bought a couple for you”, Schlatt said, beckoning him further into the house. “Here, twenty bucks for two.” 

Fundy’s eyes flickered to Techno on the couch, but he huffed and handed over a twenty and took the two bars.  
“Let me know when you guys are done, alright?”

“Will do, drive safe.” Schlatt shut the front door behind him.  
“Alright, what’re we workin’ on today? Are ya gonna introduce me to your friend?” He looked to Tubbo.

Tubbo and Techno just stared at each other, both wide-eyed and silent.

“Tubbo? Techno? What’s goin’ on?” Schlatt questioned. Ranboo joined him in looking between the two.

They both hesitated, then asked, “Why is he here?” At the same time.

Schlatt huffed a laugh. “Techno is here because he’s a friend of mine. Tubbo is here because I tutor them for their history classes. I don’t know why the other kid is here.”

“Oh”, Techno mumbled. “Since when do you tutor?”

“I only tutor Tubbo ‘cause he’s my cousin.” Schlatt shrugged. He offered his hand to Ranboo.  
“I’m Schlatt, it’s nice to meet you. You’re Niki’s little brother, right?”

Ranboo stared down at him, a million thoughts racing through his head. The main one was the fact that he was definitely more than a foot taller than this adult. He cautiously reached his hand out and shook it.  
“I’m Ranboo. Yes, Niki is my older sister.”

“Good to meet ya. Are you here for tutoring or just to hang out with Tubbo?” Schlatt asked, seemingly not intimidated by his height in the slightest.

“Uh, um, I’m here b-because Tubbo invited me to hang out after school. They said we have to stop here for an hour first.” Ranboo stuttered out.

“Sounds good. That’s Technoblade over there, he’s a good friend. You can hang out with him while Tubbo and I work, if ya want.” Schlatt said, gesturing to Techno.

Techno gave a small wave and a nod. Ranboo repeated the motion back. As Tubbo and Schlatt sat at the table, Ranboo stood for an awkward moment, before going and sitting beside Technoblade on the couch.

“Hullo”, Techno mumbled.

“Hello”, Ranboo replied.

“Do you wanna go sit outside? If you’re not used to smoke it might make you sick bein’ in here.” Techno suggested.

“Oh, okay. Sure.” Ranboo nodded and stood, following Techno out to the backyard.

Techno took a seat on the rim of the pool basin and Ranboo followed suit, sitting beside him.  
“So you’re friends with Tubbo now?” Techno asked.

“Mhm. They’re very nice, and they know a lot about Minecraft.” Ranboo nodded.

“Yeah, they’re a good person”, Techno sighed. “You shouldn’t hang out here, though. Just like, for future reference. Tubbo’s used to it, I guess, but there’s a lot of like, dangerous stuff in this house.”

Ranboo cocked his head to the side. “Can I ask what you mean?”

Techno gritted his teeth. “Schlatt is a drug dealer. There’s like, drugs and guns and dangerous people in here sometimes.”

“Oh… oh. Fundy buying puff bars from him makes more sense now.” Ranboo hummed.

“Yeah… don’t tell anyone, y’know?”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.”

“Okay, cool.”

The two sat in silence for a few minutes. Ranboo gently kicking his heels against the walls of the pool, Techno staring at the cans and bottles in the basin.

“Have you eaten today?” Techno asked.

“Oh, um, no, actually. Well, I had breakfast. But I had to stay in class at lunch to finish a math test, and when I finished it, the cafeteria had closed.” Ranboo said, stumbling over his words.

“Do you wanna go get McDonald’s?” He offered.

Ranboo perked up. “Oh, I, uh, don’t have any cash on me.”

“That’s alright, my treat. I haven’t eaten yet today either, and this house is kinda depressin’ if you’re not used to it.” Techno stood and offered the kid a hand.

“That would be nice”, Ranboo smiled behind his mask, “Thank you.”

“So you like Minecraft, right?” Techno asked, taking a bite of his burger.

“Uh, yeah, why?”

“Would you ever wanna play together? I’m not great, but I’m pretty good at pvp. Do you ever play on Hypixel?” Techno suggested.

“Oh, uh, I do. That would be fun.” Ranboo smiled.

“Cool. I’ll message you on discord sometime.” He nodded and took another bite.  
“What kinda music are you into?”

Ranboo shrugged. “Uh, I like kinda… weird music? Like, Oingo Boingo, The Scary Jokes, Lemon Demon, stuff like that.”

Techno stared at him for a moment.  
“Are you trans?”

Ranboo choked on his fries. He fell into a coughing fit, a fist covering his mouth. Techno patted his back, trying to help.

“Sorry! Sorry, I just- I am too, I’m trans too, I didn’t- I didn’t mean to scare you.” Techno insisted.

“Oh, my god. You really scared me.” Ranboo laughed, a weak, cracking thing. “Jeez. I mean, I figured you were gay because of the- the pink hair, but, fuck.” He laughed. “Yeah, yeah, I’m trans. Or, uh, I’m nonbinary. Stargender, if you wanna be specific. Still he him pronouns, though.” Ranboo ran a hand through his hair. “Jeez, you scared me. Are you on T or something?”

“Yeah, I have been for just over a year. Are you? Your voice is really deep.”

“Hah! No, I’m fourteen, dude. I just trained a lot.” Ranboo laughed a little. 

“Right, right. You pass really well.” Techno nodded.

“Thanks. I mean, I don’t really care about passing outside of like, not getting bullied. Like, once I’m out of high school, I’m gonna go back to painting my nails and wearing makeup and stuff. I just don’t… uh… feel safe to do that right now, you know?” Ranboo sighed forlornly.

Techno sighed too and nodded. “Yeah, I know. It sucks. It gets better, though. Or, it does in theory. I haven’t really… seen that happen yet.”

“You haven’t? I mean, you’re pretty… gender nonconforming, and you don’t seem to get shit for it.” Ranboo cocked his head to the side.

Techno huffed a laugh. “Yeah, ‘cause everybody’s too fuckin’ scared to come near me.”

A few minutes passed in silence. Techno finished his burger and Ranboo finished his fries, then moved onto his chicken nuggets.

“Can I ask something that might be personal?” Ranboo broke the quiet.

Techno hesitated. “Uh, shoot.”

“What happened between you and Dream? Did you really almost kill him?” Ranboo asked.

He took a deep breath and let it out. “Yeah, kinda. I mean, I just broke his nose, but if George and Sapnap hadn’t… pulled me off…” he swallowed, “I don’t know. I might’ve.”

Ranboo nodded. “That’s what I heard. What did he say to you? If you don’t mind me asking?”

Techno sighed deeply. “He, uh… so, me, Wilbur, and Tommy are all adopted, right? I was adopted first when I was five, then Tommy three years later when he was six, and then Wilbur two years later when he was twelve. We’re all adopted. Our dad, Phil, is our only parent. And he’s like, not our dad biologically. Dream came after me for being jealous of him, of his relationship with George, of his relationship with his little sister, and his… uh… the fact that he has a real dad.”

Ranboo was quiet for a few moments. “That’s awful.”

“I guess. He was drunk, I don’t think he meant it. I shouldn’t’a beat him up over it.” Techno sighed.

“I don’t think either of you should have done what you did.” Ranboo mumbled. “I hope you guys can become friends again.”

For some reason, those words made Techno’s heart twist. The thought of being friends with Dream again. He took a shaky breath and bit back tears. “Yeah. Yeah, me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on twt:  
> https://twitter.com/wallacenvomit
> 
> join the catalyst series discord server:  
> https://discord.gg/7RKdZUbxFd


	9. blow away those omens made of painful days and poorly made oaths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hi guys happy friday

That night, when Phil got home, he brought groceries. He didn’t ask Techno to help unload like he usually did. Techno watched him put a case of beer in the pantry from the top of the stairs. He went to his room after that.

TechnoBlade Never Dies: He bought a case of beer

The response came half an hour later, once Techno was settling into a high from his pen.

wilbur: jesus christ   
wilbur: ok  
wilbur: do you want me to drive down and talk to him about it

TechnoBlade Never Dies: I don’t know he was really like. Adamant about it being fine last night i feel like he wouldn’t accept any help

wilbur: fuck

Techno stared at the texts, then sighed and went back to scrolling through TikTok. 

A few hours later, he heard Phil’s bedroom door close. He waited another twenty minutes, then pocketed his pack of cigs and headed downstairs. He quietly left the house and started walking along the street.

The street lamps were his only source of light, casting everything in a warm glow, a contrast to the cold air around him. He found himself making his way to the small selection of stores at the end of the street. He sat and watched the occasional car drive by as he smoked, enjoying the way the cold got under his skin and made him feel alive.

He felt calm like this, when he knew he was actually alone. No one around to irritate him, just the telephone wires and the stars to keep him company. 

The next day started poorly. Techno spilled his coffee on himself because Tommy had bumped into him in the kitchen, so he had to change into a less favored shirt and an older, less comfortable binder. He also found two crushed cans of beer in the recycling when he threw away the box his waffles had been in, which made his stomach twist in fear.

Everything was just going badly. He had to get gas on the way to school, and it was up to four fucking dollars. When he went inside to pay, he touched something sticky on the counter and felt his nerves light on fire.

When he finally got to school, he tripped on the curb and almost fell on his ass. He could feel his rage building inside him, every stray noise making it grow. A kid in his Econ class was tapping his pencil. Another was chewing gum. He felt his head twitch to the side at every tap, at every godawful smack of the kid’s lips.

Another kid sneezed, and that was what set him off. He packed his shit in a few seconds and stormed out of the classroom, not paying mind to the confused teacher. 

He burrowed himself away in one of the stalls of the boy’s bathroom, taking a few minutes to breathe and force his rage back down. It wasn’t working. Every time he closed his eyes, he heard the chewing gum, the tapping pencil, saw static behind his eyelids.

Techno choked back a sob, frustration boiling over and making him want to scream. He pulled at his hair, teeth gritted, and tried to make it stop. A sob ripped out of his throat and he clapped a hand over his mouth to muffle it. Why the fuck was everything so loud? So painful?

He froze as he heard someone walk in. He heard them start to use one of the urinals, and he decided to take it as his chance to leave. He wiped his eyes and pulled his jacket around him, then bustled out of the the stall.

“What the fuck?” The guy was staring at him, already having finished using the urinal.

“…what?” Techno stared back.

“What are you doing in here? This is the boys' bathroom.” The guy was easily taller than him, he looked buff, too. Probably a football guy or something.

“I am a boy”, Techno objected, backing away.

“Are you fucking stupid? We had math together in freshman year. I know you’re not a fucking guy.” He took a step towards Techno.

Techno felt his guts squirm with fury. “I’m more of a man than you ever fuckin’ could be, moron.”

“The fuck did you just say to me?” The guy stepped forward and shoved Techno.

“I said, I’m more of a man than you ever could be!” Techno growled, shoving him back.

“Fucking faggot bitch!” He yelled, swinging at Techno. For once, the punch landed. Techno stumbled back, quickly adjusting into a defensive position. 

Techno balanced himself, then ran forward and shoved him over like a battering ram to his chest. The guy scrambled to get up, but Techno was already pinning him to the floor. He landed a few good punches, enough to split his lip and give him a black eye before the guy pushed him off. Their positions switched, and Techno found himself pinned as the guy slammed his fist into his face. Techno struggled for a second, grunting in frustration before he managed to land a knee to the guy’s crotch and send him keeling over.

“You should’ve blocked your weak spots, you fuckin’ moron”, Techno growled, getting to his feet and kicking him down. He landed a heavy kick on his chest, knocking the wind out of him before he slammed his boot into the side of his head.

The guy let out a whimper, curling up and cradling his head where it’d been kicked. “What the fuck is w-wrong with you?!”

Techno stared at him, panting. He realised there was blood on his knuckles again. His stare shifted to them, the dark, glistening liquid staining his hands red. He felt a sick pride rise in him, and his face split into a grin.

“If you wish to defeat me, train for another hundred years”, he laughed, punctuating his taunt with another heavy kick to his ribs.

“You’re a f-fucking psycho”, the guy coughed.

“Oh, I’m the best you’ll ever meet.” Technoblade grinned.

“We’ve made the decision to expel Freja from the school. This kind of behavior just isn’t acceptable, you should consider yourself lucky the family isn’t pressing charges.” The principal was a strict woman, all clean pressed suits and tight lips.

“Is there anything I can do to change your mind? Wouldn’t a suspension be acceptable? Extended detention?” Phil asked, voice strained.

“I’m afraid not. She gave another student a concussion, Mr. Watson. If this were any other situation, she could be facing jail time.” The principal said, her expression fixed in disinterest.

Phil stared for a moment, brows furrowed, then sighed and buried his face in his hands. “Okay… okay.”

“She is eighteen so she doesn’t have to continue her schooling, but if you want her to graduate you’ll have to enroll her in a school in another district or the continuation school by the town library.”

Phil nodded, pulling his hands off his face. “Okay. Thank you, for uh… thank you.” He stood up and shot Techno a look to follow, which he did immediately.

They drove home in their own cars, Phil keeping a close eye on Techno’s. Techno felt like he was going to throw up the whole time, his nerves racing and twisting his guts. He had never fucked up this badly before. He hadn’t even realised what he was doing was wrong when he was doing it, it… it felt perfect. Divine.

The first thing Phil did when they got home was crack open a beer.  
“Sit at the table.” He said after taking a sip.

Techno obeyed.

Phil sat across from him. He stared at the grains of the table for a few moments, before sighing.  
“Fuck, Techno.”

Techno kept his eyes trained on his lap, barely breathing.

“What is wrong with you?” Phil asked. Techno felt sick at the words- it wasn’t rhetorical. His father was genuinely asking what was wrong with him.

He took a shaky breath, not looking him in the eyes. “I-I dunno.”

“Is that all you have to say?! After you fucking-“ Phil started to shout, but he faltered, caught himself, and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Fuck.” He took a swig from his beer.  
“You have to… you can’t just…” he rested his head in his hands. “I can’t do this, Techno. I can’t fucking do this anymore.”

Techno stared at him, wide-eyed. “You can’t… you can’t do what anymore?”

“This!” Phil gestured to his son. “You fucking hurting people all the time, Techno!” His words came out with desperation, barely a stone’s throw from crying. “You traumatised Wilbur! You nearly got us sued by Dream’s family! You fucking got yourself expelled, Technoblade!” He shouted, slamming a fist against the table.

Techno felt his stomach twist in pain, he bit back tears as a wave of nausea and dissociation hit him like a train.

“When is it going to stop, Techno?! When you actually get sued?! When you actually fucking kill someone?!” Phil was standing now, leaning over the table, shouting at his son so loud he didn’t even hear him crying at first. When he did, he faltered. He looked at his son, his tear-stained cheeks and trembling shoulders.  
“Fuck”, he sighed, sitting back down. “I’m sorry, Techno, I… my temper got away from me. Just… go to your room, okay? I have to head back to work. Is it safe to leave you here alone?”

Techno nodded, biting his lip to keep back sobs.

“You’re not gonna kill yourself if I head to work?”

Techno felt sick. He shook his head.

“Tell me you’ll be safe if I finish my workday.”

“I-I’ll be safe”, Techno whispered.

Phil eyed him for a moment more, then sighed. “Alright.” He took a long swig from the beer before putting it in the fridge.

Techno watched him leave. He stood at the window and watched his car drive away. Upstairs, grabbing a wad of cash, he let the first sob break, but stopped himself from breaking down too far. He couldn’t do this, he needed to get out.

Once Phil’s car left his field of vision entirely, he locked the front door and got in his own car. The drive was a quick one, it passed before he could process that he was there.

“Technoblade?” Schlatt’s tone dripped concern.

“I n-need to buy somethin’ f-from you, man.” Techno pushed past him into the house.  
“You still have the heroin your boss gave you, right?”

“Technoblade, no. I’m not selling you heroin.” Schlatt warned, shutting the door behind him.

“I don’t fuckin’ care about your ethics, Schlatt! Where is it?!” Techno shouted, his voice suddenly booming.

He didn’t miss the way Schlatt flinched.   
“Dude, I’m serious. I’m not selling you heroin. Under any circumstances.”

“I have the money! I have the fuckin’ money, Schlatt! What the fuck is your problem?!” Techno yelled, fists balled at his sides.

“I care about you, Techno! Heroin will fucking kill you!” Schlatt finally yelled back.

The next moment was a blur- Techno slammed Schlatt into the wall, and in the same second, he felt cool metal on his forehead and heard a click.

“Technoblade”, Schlatt whispered, his eyes wild. “Leave my house or I will shoot you.”

Techno froze, his eyes darting up to the gun pressed against his head, to the eyes of the man with his life in his hands. He let out a shaky breath.  
“You won’t do it.”

Schlatt faltered. “W-What?”

“You won’t do it”, Techno whispered, almost coming out like a laugh. “You won’t kill me.”

“I will.”

“Do it, then.” Techno hissed.

Schlatt stared at him. “Leave my house.”

“Shoot me.”

A moment passed, their eyes locked, before Techno heard the safety click back on. He grinned. “Knew it.”

“Don’t do this, Technoblade.” Schlatt whispered.

“Where is it?”

“Don’t do this. It’s gonna kill you, man.”

“Where is it, Jay?!” Techno shouted, slamming him against the wall again.

Schlatt looked like he was going to throw up. “It’s… it’s in my desk drawer in my room.”

Techno let him fall to his knees and stormed off to his room.

Schlatt watched him. Watched him enter the room, heard shuffling, then watched him leave as he shoved a bag in his pocket. Watched him leave a wad of cash on the kitchen table.

“Pleasure doin’ business with you.” Techno grinned and offered a half-wave before leaving through the front door.

Schlatt felt sick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on twt:  
> https://twitter.com/wallacenvomit
> 
> join the catalyst series discord server:  
> https://discord.gg/7RKdZUbxFd


	10. i thought that i was high, but i had barely risen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> beach episode!! enjoy :D

It was raining when Techno woke up. His phone said it was near noon, meaning Phil and Tommy had been gone for hours.

For the duration of the transition between expulsion and enrollment at the continuation school, Techno was stuck at home. Grounded probably until he graduated. Phil had agreed not to take his car keys though, just in case a fire popped up and he had to evacuate. It was nearing fire season after all, and their small town was not exempt from being a part of Southern California.

Techno sat in his car, staring ahead and thinking. He didn’t want to go to Schlatt’s after the last time he’d been there, seeing as the situation had been tense. He couldn’t go to Skeppy’s, or Bad’s. Or Dream’s. He didn’t have anyone to hang out with, really.

In the end, he set off towards the beach. The drive was about half an hour, and he made it in silence. The beach was empty, likely something to do with it being the middle of the day on a school day. He parked and made his way down the weathered wooden steps, down the cliff and to the ocean. Techno took his shoes off and put his socks inside them, then rolled his jeans up and stood in the water. For a few minutes, he just listened to the waves roll. He would breathe in as they knocked against his shins, and breathe out as they tried to pull him into the sea. The rain was soaking his clothes.

He trudged out and peeled his jacket, hoodie, and shirt off, putting them on a rock beside his shoes. He took his jeans off too, leaving him in just his boxers and a sports bra.

Techno waded back into the water, going deeper this time. He hissed through his teeth as the cold water slammed against his thighs, the sting hitting him with a familiar sensation. He hadn’t cut in years, but the feeling made him shudder in delight.  
“Fuck”, he whispered. He missed it, he realised. The regular, scheduled, intentional pain.

He took a deep breath as a wave approached him, starting to curl over his head, and dived inside it. For a few moments he let it throw him around, before he oriented himself and pushed his head out into the air again. 

After a while, the waves started to get larger with the aide of the rain, and he deemed it unsafe to be in the water anymore. He pushed out of the ocean and grabbed his clothes, then made his way up the wooden stairs again barefoot. At the top, he stopped and stared.

There was a teen on the railing over the cliff. A teen Techno recognised.

“Karl? What’re you doin’ here?” Techno asked, walking towards him and holding his damp clothes to his chest.

Karl startled and turned around, scrambling off the railing. “Oh! Hey! Geez, you scared me.” He laughed a little. “I just, uh, I got stressed out at school today. I decided to skip.”

Techno stared at him, then nodded. “Right… are you doin’ okay?”

The other laughed again, sheepishly, and rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah! Yeah, I’m doing alright. Just kinda… y’know?” 

“I don’t know, you gave me no descriptions.” Techno objected.

Karl stared at him, then nodded, swallowing a lump in his throat. “Just, uh, boy stuff. Romance. You get the idea.”

Techno thought it over, then walked closer. “Can I stand under your umbrella?”

“Oh! Yeah, yeah, uh, of course.” Karl stepped closer to him to fit him under.  
“So, uh, since you’re here, can I ask you something?”

Techno nodded. “Shoot.”

“Did you really get expelled for killing someone?” Karl whispered, eyes wide and soft with curiosity and caution.

He laughed. “I did get expelled. I didn’t kill anyone, I just beat up a bigot.” Techno said, shivering a little. “Do you have a towel in your car?”

“I do, I also have a change of clothes you could wear. Uh, I dunno if they would fit though?” Karl offered, walking them to his car.

“You wear pretty baggy stuff, they might.” Techno shrugged, his jaw starting to chatter.

“Yeah, they might. Here”, Karl handed him a fluffy bath towel and hooked the umbrella on the side of the car so he could dry off.  
“Do you want the 100 Gecs sweater or the Scary Jokes one?”

Techno huffed a laugh. “I’ll take the 100 Gecs. You’d get along with Ranboo.” He took the sweater out of his hands and pulled it over his head, then pulled the wet bra out from under it.

“I also have sweats, but I don’t have any spare undies, sorry.” Karl said, pulling out a pair of black sweats and handing it to Techno.

“That’s fine, if you’re fine with me going commando, I can wash them and get them back to you.” Techno shrugged.

“It’s fine with me”, Karl nodded and averted his eyes, turning to face the other way.

“So how come you’re helpin’ me out?” Techno asked as he went through the motions of changing.

“Uh, well we’re friends, aren’t we?” 

Techno paused.   
“Are we?”

“I was under that impression.”

“Yeah, until I beat the shit out of Dream. You all stopped talking to me.” Techno scoffed.  
“I’m done, by the way.”

“Oh, okay.” Karl turned around again. “I mean, it was mostly Sapnap and Fundy who were mad over that, to be honest.”

“What, you and Quackity just didn’t care?”

Karl hesitated. “I… hm…” he scratched his head absentmindedly, “I wouldn’t say we didn’t care? I just… please don’t tell anyone, but I don’t really like Dream that much.”

Techno raised an eyebrow. “No? Why’s that?”

He averted his eyes, swallowing his nerves. “I-It’s stupid. It’s not a big deal.”

Techno hummed and nodded. “You don’t have to tell me. I would like to know, though.”

Karl took a deep breath and let it out. “When we were in middle school, he was kinda mean. He’d just like, push me around and stuff. Make fun of me, y’know?”

Techno’s brows furrowed. “That’s awful”, he said, “I’m sorry he put you through that.”

The other shrugged and laughed it off. “It’s fine, really, I-I know he’s different now. I just, uh, I don’t like… yeah.”

He nodded and offered a small smile. “Yeah, I know. He can be a little bit of a dick. Do you wanna hang out in the car, out of the rain? Or drive somewhere or something? Or- of course- you d-don’t have to hang out at all, it’s not a big d-“

“Techno, I want to hang out with you. I’m glad I’m not on my own.” Karl interrupted, offering a genuine grin.

Techno paused for a moment, his expression momentarily fearful, before a warm smile blossomed through him. “O-Okay, cool.”

“We should drive somewhere, like a diner or something. I can drive you back here to get your car when we’re done.” 

Techno nodded. “That sounds good.”

“So… if it’s not a sensitive subject, what did the guy you beat up do to you?” Karl asked, eating the maraschino cherry off the top of his shake. It was warm inside the diner, quiet and filled with the smell of coffee and burgers. The rain pouring down outside offered a gentle ambiance, mixing quietly with the clinking from the kitchen.

“Uh, he was just sayin’ I was a girl and stuff. Called me a fag, you know the deal.” Techno shrugged.

Karl stiffened, then nodded. “Yeah, I know”, he said, his voice softer than before.

“You get it too?” Techno asked, words quiet, for Karl’s ears only.

He nodded.

“I’m sorry, man. That’s awful. Do they hurt you physically?” 

“No, uh, they know I’m friends with Sapnap. It’s just words and stuff.” 

Techno nodded. “It’s good you’ve got him for protection.”

“Yeah, yeah, it is.” Karl let out a little giggle. “He’s just- he’s- he’s good, you know?” His free hand flapped a little.

“I know. I was never too close with him, but he seems like a good person.” Techno lied. He didn’t care for Sapnap, but that was neither here nor there.  
“Can I ask somethin’?”

“Yeah, go ahead.”

“Are you and him a thing? Or are you and Quackity a thing? I could never tell.” Techno asked.

Karl hesitated, pulling his sleeves over his hands.  
“Uh… it’s kinda complicated? So, Quackity and I like each other, but we also like Sapnap. Big Q and I are together, but we aren’t with Sapnap. Which is mostly because Sapnap is like, head over heels for George. Which is a problem because George is head over heels for Dream, and Dream… we don’t know if Dream likes anyone, but him and Fundy have a running joke that they’re engaged. Which makes George upset.”

Techno nodded, taking a bite of his burger. “Sounds fucked up.”

Karl hummed a small laugh, “Yeah, it kinda is. But I mean, it’s a high school friend group, it’s kinda expected.”

Techno nodded again, still chewing.

“So, since we’re doing a back and forth type question deal, could I ask you another thing?” Karl asked.

Techno nodded for the third time.

“What actually… happened between you and Dream? I feel like I’ve only heard Dream’s side of the story.” Karl asked, leaning forward to sip his shake through the straw.

Techno swallowed the bite and sighed. “Uh, I mean, what did you hear?”

“Dream said you were jealous that he was hanging out with Sapnap and George more than you.” Karl explained.

Techno snorted. “Eh, he may be fabricatin’ that a little.” He sighed and sipped his own shake. “Basically, we were hangin’ out, I was tipsy and he was like, wasted. He asks why we don’t hang out anymore and I’m like, well I’ve been tryna hang out with you sober for like, months. Then he starts goin’ off about me bein’ jealous of George and Sapnap, that part was real. But then, he, uh…” Techno took a deep breath. “He started talkin’ about like, me bein’ jealous of his relationship with his little sister. Like, on account of Tommy not likin’ me. And then…” Techno sighed, “he said I was jealous of him for having a real dad.”

Karl stared at him, eyes wide. “You don’t have a real dad?”

“Uh, my brothers and I are all adopted.” Techno muttered.

“Jesus, dude. That’s really… that’s really messed up. Not- Not you being adopted! I’m sorry, I-I meant what he said to you!” Karl quickly corrected himself.

Techno laughed, a loud, genuine sound, “Oh my god, it’s fine, that was really funny. ‘You’re adopted? God, man, that’s messed up’.” He laughed more.

“I didn’t mean it that way!” Karl insisted.

“It’s okay, I’m kiddin’!” Techno giggled. “Seriously, it’s fine. I know that’s not what you meant.”

“Okay”, Karl laughed a little too out of relieved nerves. 

“But, yeah. It was kinda messed up. I don’t think he meant it, though, he was really drunk.” Techno shrugged.

Karl hummed and nodded. “I dunno, I still think he shouldn’t have said it.”

“Yeah, it’s whatever. It’s not like he’s ever gonna talk to me again.” Techno huffed.

Karl quieted, staring at him for a moment before going back to his food.

He played music on the drive home from the beach, that album Bad had recommended again. He was starting to learn the lyrics to most of the songs. Techno hummed along, and when he pulled into the driveway, he started to crave a cigarette. 

The backyard was fairly average, big enough to fit a few garden beds but not big enough to fit a pool. He sat by the gate at the side of the house, watching the driveway as he smoked. He relished in the feeling it gave him, washing away the little things he’d been worried about. Letting out the quiet pains that sat inside him.

He blew the smoke out of his lips, feeling like it had come from inside him since the very beginning. His body was full of smoke, suffocating his every cell, and smoking was just letting it out.

Techno took a shower and put Karl’s clothes in the wash. A bad feeling was starting to sink into him, a quick heartbeat and a sense of dread. Phil wouldn’t be home for a few hours, right? Tommy wouldn’t want to interact with him.

Two little lines, to start. A rolled up dollar bill to snort with and his school ID to sort them into place. A little ironic, he thought.

He fell asleep at his desk, his Minecraft game still running.

The house was silent, the only sounds being the gentle hum of the electronics and the Minecraft soundtrack, muffled from upstairs.

The sound of the front door freaking open stirred Techno from his sleep, making him blink slowly a few times. The clock on his computer read 8:22 PM. Technoblade wasn't sure if he could remember Tommy coming home at any point in the day.

His suspicions were confirmed when the door next to his in the hall shut, then a bang. The sound of Tommy throwing his book bag to the wall they shared- something that occurred enough times for Techno to recognize the sound. That was followed by bed springs creaking, things being thrown off of a desk, fists hitting plaster, and all sorts of other assorted ruckus. Most concerning was the small sobs that seemed to peek through in the moments of silence, the moments of hesitance, before Tommy seemed to break more.

It wasn't unusual for Tommy to throw fits, to have moments where he just needs to get all his pent-up energy out. There was something about this time, though… maybe it was the context of their lives now, or maybe it was the way that Tommy was groaning from a place in the throat that Techno had never heard before, that just didn't settle right in the stomach.

Techno stood up, still a little delirious from his sleep, and made his way to his brother’s bedroom door. He gave a small knock.  
“Tommy? You alright, dude?”

"Fuck off," Tommy’s reply came strained from the other side of the door.

He blinked again, slowly.  
“Did something happen?” He asked, his monotone lifeless.

"When is shit ever-" thud, "not-" bang, "happening?" It sounded like he threw himself to the ground at the last part.

Techno hesitated.  
“Can I come in?”

There was no answer, but when Techno tried the handle, the door was unlocked.

The room was a mess. Tommy was curled up on the floor, hands covering his face. His elbows were scraped and bloodied, and it looked like there were new rips in the knees of his jeans.

“Shit, dude, what happened?” Techno asked, kneeling beside him.

The inside of Tommy's chest felt like it was hollow and buzzing. Slowly, he pulled his hands away from his face, and leveled a glare at his brother. Tommy's lip was busted, dried blood smeared across his chin. "I got in a fight. And I didn't even win.”

His brows furrowed further.  
“Okay, come to the bathroom with me. Let’s get you cleaned up before Phil sees.” Techno stood, offering his hand to his brother.

Tommy swallowed down his insecurity and bitterness before taking Techno's hand, raising to his feet on wobbly legs. He followed his brother into the bathroom. 

"I don't know how you do it- I-I don't get how I can't do it. I thought- you know. They called me Emily and I thought it'd like, unlock my inner sleeper agent. Or some shit." He still hadn't really clarified who they were, or what had happened, even as he sat down on the closed toilet. "That's what happened with you, right?"

Techno fetched the first aid kit out from under the sink.

“Tommy, I was in boxing for seven years, and karate for three. You’ve never done anything like that. I act on body memory that’s been trained into me. You don’t have that body memory”, he sighed. He wiped the blood off Tommy’s chin.  
“Who did this?”

"Don't- fucking know. Just some guys in my grade. You wouldn't know 'em." He decided not to voice his disappointments over not being as good a fighter as his brother.  
“I don't know how I'm gonna do this. Fuck. Only reason people left me alone was because you were my brother! Now what? I don't have Tubbo, I don't have you, what the fuck am I supposed to do? I-I'm probably gonna die by winter break."

Techno hesitated. “I’m gonna wipe your lip with an alcohol wipe, okay? It’ll sting.” He gently pressed the wipe into his split lip, careful not to get it inside his actual mouth. He repeated the motion on the various scrapes on his limbs.  
“I could ask Karl to ask Sapnap to ask Dream to keep an eye on you. People don’t mess with Dream, it might work. He doesn’t have anythin’ against you either, he might be willing.”

"Dream?" Tommy didn't really believe it. "He might not have a problem with me, but you... oh, hold on, you're still friends with Karl? I thought that whole posse sorta dropped you?" He was thankful to turn the conversation away from himself.

“He texted me today, we talked for a bit. He has his own reasons for not dropping me.” Techno shrugged.   
“Do you want me to ask?”

"...Sure. But don't think this means I need any sort of pity," he clarified.

“I know, Tommy.” Techno sighed.  
“Do you want to tell Phil that this happened?”

"Fuck no," Tommy laughed. "He finds out I'm roughing myself up, staying out 'til it's dark, and he'll probably start doing heroin, too. One of us has gotta stay normal."

Techno tensed. His heart raced.  
“That was one time, and I was forced. Please don’t say stuff like that about me.”

"Sorry," he murmured.

Tommy wasn't sure how to feel about Technoblade. He was tearing the family apart, leaving an incredible burden on Tommy's shoulders. He wasn't there to protect him anymore. He had hurt so many people in the past. But he was willing to pull strings to make sure Tommy would be safe still, to fix him up, willing to not bust Tommy's shit himself when the younger had given him so many reasons to. So maybe he was coming around.

"...Tell you what. You're sick of sitting in this stuffy ass house all day, right?"

Techno raised an eyebrow.  
“What’re you suggesting? Also, if Phil asks, you bit your lip open.”

"Yeah, yeah, fair." He brought a finger up to his lip to touch the injury, wincing at how much it still hurt.  
“Alright, listen. Doesn't have to be tomorrow, doesn't have to be Friday, but one of these days, I skip school. You, me? We walk to the mall. Fuck around there all day and come home before Phil knows what hit him."

Techno tensed.  
“Did you just call him Phil?”

"I plead the fifth. Is that a yes or a no, Technoblade?"

He hesitated. “I don’t wanna be a bad influence on you, Tommy. You shouldn’t be skipping school.”

Tommy laughed.   
"Oh, it is too late for that, my friend." He felt awfully cocky, confiding in his brother this little bit, but if anyone would get it, he thought it'd be Techno.

Techno levelled a serious stare at Tommy.   
“You’ve been skipping?”

Tommy still grinned wide from the laughter. "Whaaat?" When Techno's expression didn't ease, his own grin fell. "What? Come on. Tech, don't be a bitch."

He sighed and put a bandaid on one of the nastier scrapes.  
“I’m not tryin’ to be a bitch, Tommy. It’s just… y’know, you’re a Watson. We tend to spiral.”

"Everyone and their grandma skips class sometimes. It's not- it's not a Watson thing. I'm not a-" he cut himself off once he realized what he was about to say. Guilt settled in his bones.

Techno stared at him, eyes broken like a bottle smashed against a wall.   
“You’re not a what?”

"Not a... not a bad decision maker?"

Techno’s gaze didn’t break.  
“Right. Okay.” He sighed and stood up.  
“Sure, we can go to the mall or something. Just…” he averted his eyes. “I dunno. Just keep your head on straight, okay?”

"I know, I know. I'm fine," he reassured Techno, rising himself. "I can keep myself together."

His unspoken words bounced around in his mind. “I'm not a Watson.”

Technoblade couldn’t shake the feeling that Tommy was going down a familiar path. That night, alone in his bedroom, he texted Wilbur.

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Hey

A few minutes later, a response came.

wilbur: whats up

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Do you think Tommy would ever do drugs

wilbur: jesus   
wilbur: no not really

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Why do you think that

wilbur: because he like. found me. i feel like that would turn a kid off from drugs pretty bad

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Okay  
TechnoBlade Never Dies: You’re probably right

wilbur: yea don’t sweat it man

Techno turned his phone off and sighed. He still felt overwhelmed, every little noise setting him off. He did a line off his desk, then put his bag away in the backpack he kept under his bed again.

He didn’t remember falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on twt:  
> https://twitter.com/wallacenvomit
> 
> join the catalyst series discord server:  
> https://discord.gg/7RKdZUbxFd


	11. eager spark that blew a fuse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they go to la

Techno listened as Phil grabbed his keys and left the house, then watched as his car pulled away. 

“Tommy, get ready to go! I’ll call in sick for you in a couple minutes”, Techno called, knocking on his brother’s door.

"Okay!" Tommy called back, finally rolling out of bed to look at himself in the mirror. He had fallen asleep in yesterday's clothes, with hair flitting in every direction. He didn't wanna keep Techno waiting by taking a shower, so a quick clothes change and some freshening up would have to do. He grabbed his new ensemble for the day from the closet, and got to work getting dressed.

When he was finished up, he was wearing an oversized dark red hoodie that fell to his mid-thigh. His hands slid into the hoodie's pockets, and he smiled at how much empty space there was. How much they could hold. He leaned into the mirror quickly, giving his face a once-over. His lip was healing nicely, at least. Tommy came out of his room, and looked up and down the hall. "Tech? Where're you at?"

“Bathroom”, Techno called, quickly snorting up the remnants of the line and putting his bag back in his pocket, then unlocking the door. He went back to doing his makeup, vibrant red eyeshadow under his eyes and smudged eyeliner on his waterline.

“Alright, I’m ready, are you?” He opened the bathroom door.

"Almost, just gotta brush my teeth and put on some deodorant," he slid into the bathroom past Techno, grabbing his tooth brush. "Since you're done, could you put a Pop-Tart in the toaster for me?"

“Yep”, Techno said, leaving the bathroom and heading downstairs.  
He put a Pop-Tart in the toaster and took a Tupperware of mashed potatoes out of the fridge. He also grabbed a can of Monster, then sat at the table to eat his breakfast. The comfort of the heroin washed over him just as he took a bite of potatoes, which he hummed a laugh at. Perfect timing.

Meanwhile, Tommy was upstairs brushing his teeth, careful around his lip so as to not touch it. He glanced down, and saw the faintest remnants of some stray powder, and brushed it off the counter with his pinkie, before wiping the excess on his jeans. Probably just makeup. After he spit, he finished up everything else, even spritzing himself with some cologne. He got it for his birthday months ago, but tended to only use it for special occasions, so he still had some left.

He had gotten it from Tubbo and their family.

Tommy came down the stairs, stretching. "You're eating potatoes again?"

“I’m allowed”, Techno mumbled. “Your thing popped a minute ago.” He said, taking another bite.

"I smell it," Tommy went to retrieve it. It was already cool enough to grab, thankfully. He leaned back against the counter, eating as he stood.

"So," he spoke through an open mouth, "anywhere in particular you wanna go? Are we just going to the mall, or is today just a bit of an adventure-y type day?"

Techno shrugged, taking another bite of his potatoes.  
“Whatever you want, man. We could go into LA if you really felt like it.”

"Oh, shit, now you're talking. What would we do in LA?" He was already halfway through his breakfast. He was pretty hungry after forgetting dinner last night.

He shrugged again and put the empty Tupperware in the sink.  
“I dunno, are you into magic at all? We could go to a metaphysical shop.”

"What, like crystals and shit?" Tommy tilted his head.

“Yeah. Tarot cards, incense, whatever.” He pulled his boots on by the door.

Tommy took his wrapper, and tossed it in the garbage.  
"I don't know anything about that stuff." He didn't want to outright say he found it dumb, just because he didn't understand it.

Techno opened the front door for him.  
“Just a suggestion. Would you rather go thriftin’ or somethin’?”

"Nah, we can go to the physical shop if you want. Thrifting sounds fun, though. Maybe GameStop, too?" He left, but stood on the porch. "If we go to LA, are we taking your car?"

“I mean, I figured as much. What, you wanna walk?” He scoffed a laugh.

"I mean, I could, we just probably wouldn't be home in time for Phil not to see us," he shrugged.

“Dude, you could not walk to LA and back in a day.” Techno laughed, getting into the car.

"I could if I ran," he joked back with a smile, settling into the passenger seat. "Like, really fast. You know, my gym teacher said I should join track!"

Techno laughed, shaking his head as he pulled out of the driveway.  
“What do you wanna listen to?”

"Uhh, here." He plugged his phone into the AUX, and hummed a little as he chose a song. Soon, the speakers were playing Eminem, but he turned it down so he could talk anyways. Techno bit his lip to stop himself from laughing at Tommy’s music taste. He couldn’t say it wasn’t fitting.

"So, what kind of crimes have you committed?" Tommy began.

“What?” He laughed, “What crimes? What kinda question is that?”

"Like! You know, you do drugs, you get in fights, do you do anything else? I'm not gonna tell dad, I'm just wondering."

Techno shook his head. “Tommy, you can’t ask me shit like that. I gotta at least pretend I’m not a bad influence on you.”

Tommy rolled his eyes. "You're so lame. Not even a little bit of crime? Like, have you ever stolen a pack of gum, or something?"

He hesitated.  
“I feel like if I tell you the stuff I’ve done, you’ll think it’s okay to do them.”

"No, I won't," Tommy reassured. "I think it's funny, yeah. Or interesting. But I wouldn't actually do that shit myself, I promise. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, though."

Techno bit his lip, wishing he had a cig.  
“I mean, as long as you don’t tell anyone.” He sighed. “When I was like, fifteen to seventeen, I lifted from stores like constantly. Mostly Hot Topic and Spencer’s. I threw up some graffiti with Schlatt a week ago or somethin’. I also beat the shit outta that guy who assaulted Wilbur.”

"You knew the guy who assaulted Wilbur?" Tommy made a face.

“I met him in a bar in LA, he tried flirtin’ with me.” Techno shrugged. “I broke his nose.”

"Shit. So your nose break count is... what, three? Four?"

He thought for a moment. “Uh, there’s the kid from elementary school, and Wilbur, and Josh, and Dream. Yeah, I think it’s at four. I shoulda broken the fucker that got me expelled’s nose.” He grumbled. “I’m pretty sure I gave him a concussion though, so I guess a broken nose might’ve been overkill.”

"Maybe just a little bit, but hey, who knows."

After a while of silence, Tommy spoke up again. "So... why did you start, just... doing everything? What made you decide to be a delinquent?"

Techno blinked at the question.  
“What?”

"Like, okay, I'm just curious, because growing up you and Wilbur always like... seemed fine enough, and then all this shit just started. I don't really get it."

He thought it over.  
“I mean, I was never really… fine. I think I started gettin’ like, messed up, when I stopped boxin’. Didn’t have an outlet for stuff anymore.”

"Oh, yeah. That makes sense." He picked at the skin on the sides of his nails. "And then Wilbur... that thing happened. Right. Anyways, sorry for being so nosy all the time. It just feels like we haven't... really talked in years."

Techno shrugged.  
“We haven’t. Communication isn’t really my forte.” His hands tapped on the wheel. He really needed a cig.  
“Am I, like, a shitty brother?” He asked, his voice strained. “Fuck, I sound like Wilbur.” He realised, laughing a little.

"Let's put it this way, I think all three of us are a bit shit in our own rights," he laughed along with Techno. "For whatever it's worth? I don't think you're as bad as Wilbur."

He let out a shaky breath. “Okay. Okay.”

Then, a moment later, “Would that change if we pulled over so I could smoke right now? I just- I need- I-I”, he swallowed his nerves. “If it makes you uncomfortable, I won’t.”

Something about Techno's words stabbed Tommy in the heart. He should be used to this by now.

"No, go ahead. A cigarette, or?" He questioned.

“Yeah, yeah, just a cig.” He pulled off the freeway and parked in a gas station parking lot. Techno got out of the car and sat a few feet away, smoking as his foot tapped with a nervous urgency.

Tommy eventually got out too, standing over Techno. "Hey, I'm gonna run in and get a soda. Want anything?"

He blew the smoke in the opposite direction from his brother.  
“Uh, could you get a Monster? Original is fine if they don’t have white or pink.”

"Yeah, got it." He smiled, and then disappeared into the store.

A few minutes later he came back out, holding a can of pink Monster in one hand and a bottle of Coke in the other. He sat beside Techno, handing him his drink.

He took it and cracked it open. “I don’t want you breathing in the smoke, do you think you could wait in the car? I’m sorry, I just- it’s not- it’s not good for you.”

"What? Fundy smoked around me and Tubbo all the time." He cracked open his own bottle and took a sip.

Techno’s brows furrowed. “He did? Cigs or vape?”

"He vaped." Tommy's lips curled up into a smile. "His vape tricks still fucking sucked, though."

“That’s fuckin’ awful, what the fuck? Nic is addictive as shit, especially in vapes. How often did he do that?” Techno asked.

"I dunno. Like, whenever he was home, I guess?" He shrugged. "I mean, you're smoking it right now, so... I'm just saying. Maybe you're not one to talk."

“No, I know I’m not one to talk, I mean vaping around kids. Like, don’t him and Tubbo share a room now since their dad moved back in? What if he got Tubbo buzzed on secondhand? That’s fucked up.”

"Ohhh. Yeah, it is pretty fucked up, but... hey. Life's a bitch!" He smiled wide, before taking a swig. "Where are we going first? That magic shop you were talking about?"

Techno stared at him for a moment.  
“Go wait in the car. I don’t want you breathing in the smoke.”

Tommy huffed, but did as he was asked.

After a minute, Techno finished his cig and crumpled it out on the sidewalk, then tossed it in one of the trash cans. He got back into the car with Tommy and made his way back onto the freeway.  
“Alright, I say, first we go to a metaphysical shop. I wanna get your tarot read, I think it’d be funny.”

"What? What's that? Are you gonna have a fucking curse put on me?" Tommy pulls his hand out from his pocket and sets his soda in the cup holder, giving Techno a skeptical glance.

Techno chuckled. “Nah, it’s like, a spiritual like, look at who you are and what you’re goin’ through. Gives you life advice. Sometimes it insults you. It’s fun.”

"Oh, wait, is it like that one scene from Princess and the Frog?"

He hesitated. “Uh, I dunno. I haven’t seen that like, since it came out.”

"With the spooky cards 'n shit, right?"

He laughed a little. “Dude, no offence, but you are literally the only transmasc guy I know that doesn’t know how tarot cards work. Do you even know your moon and rising?”

Tommy sputtered. "You are literally fucking speaking in tongues. Is spirituality the new hip trans rite of passage that I didn't know about?"

“This close to LA? Yeah, dude. It is.” Techno pulled into a parking spot.  
“C’mon, let’s go in.”

Tommy nodded, unbuckling his seat belt and getting out of the car.

He stepped into the shop and was completely overwhelmed by the energy of the place. There were wind chimes sounding over the soft ambiance playing on the store speakers. Shelves were stocked with cards, books, crystals, candles as far as the eye could see, and it was like nothing Tommy had seen in his life.

"Technoblade, this store has an incredibly fucking intimidating aura, and I don't know why."

He grinned. “It’s because it’s seeing into your sooouuul”, he said, wavering his voice in a teasing manner and shaking Tommy by his shoulders.

"Not if I don't let it, bitch," he crossed his arms and harumphed, before marching off to investigate some of the wares being sold. He got particularly drawn in by the crystals, some laid out on a table, some in bins, all incredibly shiny. "Techno, look! They're selling rocks!"

He laughed a little. “They’re crystals and gems. Don’t call them rocks. I know you don’t care about this stuff, but you gotta be respectful to the people who do, okay?” He picked up one he was looking at. Obsidian.  
“Look, just like in Minecraft.” He offered a grin.

"Gamer moment?" Tommy picked up his own piece of obsidian. "How come I never knew it looked like... this… in real life? It looks so smooth.” He played with it, rubbing his thumb across the surface and twirling it in his palm. It felt nice to play with.

“You want it? Look, it’s for, uh, absorbin’ negative energies and stress.” He said, pointing to the little sign.  
“I’ll get you something small and the tarot readin’. My treat.”

Tommy opened his mouth, and looked like he was about to say something, before shutting it and nodding. "Yeah. Thank you. If you get this one for me though, you gotta get obsidian for you and Wilbur too."

He scoffed at that. “Yeah, sure. Why not.” He picked two more up.  
“Alright, come on.” Techno went to the front desk and bought the three stones, then handed Tommy his.  
“Hey, I was wonderin’, do you guys still do tarot readin’s?” Techno asked.

“We do! Are you looking for a full reading or a three card?” The guy behind the counter smiled. He had bright green hair and a lip piercing. Techno felt his cheeks flush a little.

“Uh, what’re the rates?”

“Thirty bucks for the three card, eighty for the full.” 

“Uh, let’s do three, then.” 

“Cool! Is it for you or him?” The guy asked.

“Oh, it’s for him. He’s never like, done anythin’ spiritual before.” Techno said.

“Sounds good. Do you guys wanna come upstairs with me?” He offered a warm grin.

Tommy nodded, not really sure what to say at this point. As the worker led them up to the second floor, he walked last in the group, and found himself grabbing another crystal or two as they walked past the display. He slipped them both in his pocket, joining the candy bar and lighter he had snatched from the gas station earlier, and nobody was the wiser. They were pretty cheap, anyways: only a few dollars each. What could be the harm?

The worker set them up in a small room upstairs, a comfortable patterned couch across from an armchair and a shag carpet rug underneath.  
“Would you two like some tea?”

“Uh, do you have any oolong?” Techno asked, his leg tapping.

“We have a milk oolong from the Republic of Tea, how does that sound?” 

“That sounds good.” Techno smiled.

“Perfect, and you?” The man looked at Tommy.

"No, thank you. I'm not big on tea." Tommy just sat and bounced his leg, drinking on his surroundings. Everything decorating the room gave way to a comfortable vibe. Too comfortable, in Tommy's opinion. He was nervous and he didn't understand why.

“Alright, let me know if you change your mind. Do either of you have a sensitivity to incense?” 

“Nope, not to my knowledge.”

“Alright, I’m gonna put on our sunlight blend, then.” The guy bustled around a bit more, then sat down on the armchair.  
“Okay, we’re good. Can I get your names?”

"My name's Tommy," he gave the man a smirk. "My brother, Techno," he gave his brother a gentle slug in the shoulder.

“Techno? That’s an interesting name.” The man raised an eyebrow.

“Uh, it’s short for Technoblade. Chose it myself.” He offered a nervous laugh.

“Oh, are you trans?”

Techno nodded.

“I am too! How nice, I always love meeting other trans people around. My name is Ezekiel, it’s nice to meet you two.” He offered a wide grin.

“It’s nice to meet you too”, Techno responded, his voice smaller than usual. He felt his cheeks burn.

"We're in L.A. I think 75% of the people you meet around here are trans," Tommy joked.

Ezekiel offered a laugh, “Yeah, you have a point. Alright, so Tommy, do you want your brother to be here for your reading? It can get fairly personal.”

"Umm..." he looked at Technoblade, and pursed his lips. "Would you be heartbroken if I told you to scram?"

Techno glanced between his brother and the guy. “Uh, no, I’ll be fine. Is it okay if I take the tea downstairs to the shop?” 

“Yeah, that’s fine, just bring me the cup again when we’re done.”

“Mkay. Have fun, Tommy.” Techno got up and left the room.

“Alright, let’s get started. So you’ve never done anything like this before?” Ezekiel asked, shuffling his cards.

Tommy shook his head. "Never. Didn't really know what tarot was until just earlier." He leaned forward in his seat, trying to get a better look at the cards Ezekiel was shuffling.

“Okay, so these cards are a communication device with the soul of the universe. We’re doing a three card read, so we’ll be looking at your past, present, and future.” He held the cards close to his chest and took a deep breath, then let it out.  
“Are you ready?”

Tommy gave a quick nod. He was about to have somebody in his head, and that sounded spooky- but this was just a bunch of bullshit, right? He'd come out of this reading unscathed.

He shuffled the cards, then put three down on the table. From left to right, there was the Eight of Swords, The Fool, reversed, and The Tower.  
Ezekiel studied them for a moment, concern screwing his eyebrows together. After a while, he hummed and sipped his tea.

“So, for a long time, you’ve felt trapped, right? You’ve felt powerless, kicked around a bit. Right now you’re finding your footing, your independence. You’ve started to pick up somewhat rebellious habits, a small way to feel alive and in control.” He sighed. “It’s good that you’re finding your own way in life, but it will quickly lead you to trouble. Your habits will become too manic, too wild. It will end up destroying you, Tommy. You and the ones you love.” He met Tommy’s eyes.  
“Your downfall will be influenced by others, but you have the reigns, and you will guide yourself into catastrophe.”

"What the fuck?" Was all Tommy could manage out, after a few moments of silently sitting. He cackled. "No, no, wait, what? How did you- what's your name? Zeke? How did you do that?" He looked down at the cards laid out in front of him, then back up at the man reading them. The first portion sounded too true, too accurate to be some sort of fib or mind trick. And Tommy wanted more than anything for Ezekiel's predictions to be false.

Ezekiel sipped his tea. “I read the cards. I didn’t do anything special.” He shrugged. “Are you okay?”

"Umm- yeah," Tommy choked out, suddenly flooded by an amount of anxiety he wasn't sure he could handle. "Is that it? That's the whole reading? No... advice? No happy ending?"

“Well, it’s a warning. Like a stop sign on the road, right? You have the chance to stop, you have the opportunity. It’ll be hard, you’ve got momentum, but it’s possible.” He said, setting his cup of tea down and looking Tommy in the eyes.  
“You control your own life. You have to give yourself your happy ending.”

"And if my foot doesn't find the breaks in time?" He brought his hand to his mouth, gnawing at the skin on his fingertips.

Ezekiel’s gaze softened.  
“What’re you scared of, Tommy? What path are you headed down?”

Tommy shook his head. "I shouldn't- I shouldn’t trouble you with that, this isn't fuckin' therapy."

“No, it’s not therapy. I’m not a therapist, I’m just a person. But your brother paid for a thirty minute reading, and it’s only been five.” He sipped his tea.  
“You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to, Tommy. Just know that I’m here if you think it would help to let a little out.”

"Well, Ezekiel, let me tell you. This life has been an absolute shitshow,” he leaned back in his seat. He was really about to lay himself bare, and that much was horrifying, but... he didn't know this man, Ezekiel was getting money from it, and after all of this Tommy would never have to see him again. He figured if there was any time to open up and be honest, it was now.

"Me and Tech, we're both adopted. We have another older brother, Wilbur. We were raised by our dad, Phil. And a few years ago- I don't know, it may have been going on for longer but I only caught on then- Wilbur started doing drugs, and Techno started getting in lots of fights- at one point, Techno broke Wilbur's nose, and then Wilbur almost died from an overdose. Not because of the nose thing, he just... did. I found his body. I almost watched a family friend kill another family friend with a gun. Techno tried killing himself recently, then I learned Wilbur's on coke and Techno did heroin. My best friend who's helped me through everything up until now and been the only person in my life I could count on recently dropped me. I've started skipping school- heh, that's what I'm doing now- dad's starting to drink I think, I'm getting bullied for being trans, but you know. I'm the normal one in the family. You know? All of them... they're all dealing with so much shit. And I've been able to manage. I can't... add more to the stress. I just. Yeah." Tommy let the words flow out, relaxing the more he spoke but not really registering any of his story. The memories came in flashes, and he spoke quickly so he wouldn't have to ruminate on any of them for very long. If he did, he might start to tear up.

Ezekiel’s expression grew more concerned as Tommy went on.

“Do you want a hug?”

"What?" Tommy almost started laughing, before he remembered how long it had been since he'd had a hug. "Um. Sure, actually."

He stood and offered Tommy a hand up, then pulled him into a gentle hug. He was about the same height as Tommy, if an inch or two taller, and he rested a hand on the back of his head.  
“I’m sorry, Tommy. The world has not been kind to you.”

Tommy hugged Ezekiel back, tight. He missed hugging Tubbo. A lot.

"I don't know... what to do. I keep telling myself I'm better, I'm fine, but how do I know that? I'm- I need to stop!" He caught his breath. He knew he was at a point in his life where he stood on a slippery slope. "I don't want to be like my brothers. God, that's the last fucking thing I want. But I find myself acting more and more like them every day, and I don't know how to help myself."

He hugged him tighter.  
“I hear you”, he sighed, “I hear you. It’s hard to get yourself on the right track, especially if the wrong ones are so much easier. It sounds like your brothers are very hurt people, and you are too.” He pulled away, looking Tommy in the eyes.  
“You’re hurting, Tommy. That’s okay. You have to let yourself hurt.”

Tommy kept eye contact. "How do I- how do I do that right? How do I do that without becoming them?”

“Well, how do you usually deal with being upset?” He asked.

"I usually throw stuff around my room, or listen to music really loud, or... fuck. Um, don't tell Techno," he brought a hand to the back of his neck. "I run from my problems. I don't tell people when I'm upset, I drop people if they confront me, and I... run away?" he gave a nervous laugh. "I'll just... leave the house when I shouldn't, won't tell anyone. The funniest part is that no one ever really notices I'm missing, and then boom, I'm back. I mean, it works.”

He nodded and sat in the arm chair again.  
“I won’t say a word. So, both of the things you said are a little harmful. And your brothers cope in harmful ways, right? So let’s try to find some healthy ways to deal with being upset.” Ezekiel took a sip of his tea.  
“What do you think of journaling?”

Tommy sputtered as he sat back down, covering his mouth to stifle the coming giggles. "I'm sorry, I- no. I've tried it before, it didn't really work for me."

He nodded. “Well, what about exercise? I’ve heard that helps too.”

"I'm already going on walks almost every day," he sunk back. "Sorry."

“What are you apologising for?”

"I'm being difficult," he dropped his gaze down to his hands. The skin around his nails were a dark pink, yet there were still areas where he could grab and peel and purse his lips at the slight sting.

“You’re being human”, he corrected. “Do you have any friends you could talk to when you’re upset?”

Tommy stayed silent. That was enough of an answer. He'd scared Tubbo away, he and Purpled never saw each other, Ranboo belonged to Tubbo, and Dream--well. He had considered the possibility of him and Dream being friends, but the upperclassman hadn't paid him any mind. Tommy thought Techno put a word in. Maybe he thought wrong.

A buzzing in Tommy’s pocket pulled him from his train of thought, and he went to check the notification, desperate to pull away from this vulnerability he was feeling.

Philza: Hey Toms, I think I got a stomach bug or something. I’m coming home now, so I’ll be able to pick you up from school later. Lmk when you get out :)

Tommy's heart plummeted. "Shit. Ezekiel!" He grinned wide, standing up. "This has been great, but I'm afraid my brother and I really gotta go." He made his way to the door, and started trying to navigate his way back to the main shop.

“Oh, okay, here, I’ll take you back to the shop.” He quickly followed, leading Tommy down the stairs into the shop again.

“Hey, how’d it go?” Techno asked, handing the empty tea cup back to Ezekiel when he saw him.

"Spooky," was the best way Tommy could answer that question without putting too much of himself on display. "I don't mean to alarm you, but Phil's on his way home. Like, right now."

“What? Fuck, okay, take the keys, go start the car.” Techno handed him the keys. “I’ll be there in a second.”

Techno watched him go, then swallowed his nerves.  
“Uh, okay, so, I…” he scratched the back of his neck, “I, um… do you have an Instagram or anything?”

Ezekiel blinked in surprise. “Oh! Oh, yeah, I do, here.”

They exchanged social media, and Techno gave him a weak grin. “Thanks. I uh, really gotta go. It was nice meetin’ you.”

“It was nice meeting you too, Techno.” Ezekiel smiled.

Techno dropped Tommy at his school and sped home, praying there weren’t any cops hiding behind corners. He parked and rushed inside, letting out a relieved sigh to see that his father wasn’t home yet.

He jogged upstairs and fell on his bed, sighing deeply. 

A few minutes later, he heard the front door unlock. He paused his breathing, listening to the sounds coming from downstairs. Footsteps. Fridge opening.

Can opening.

He gritted his teeth. With a sudden rush of anger, he got up and stormed downstairs.

“What are you doing?” He growled.

Phil startled. “What?”

“What are you doing, Phil?” Techno asked again.

“What- What are you talking about?” Phil flinched at his son calling him by his first name.

“Why aren’t you at work?” Techno asked.

“I have a stomach bug, I came home early.” Phil said.

“Do you know what time it is?” 

“Uh… it’s about eleven in the morning?”

“And you’re drinking?” Techno levelled a glare at his father.

Phil’s expression shifted from shock to something darker.  
“Techno, I’m an adult.”

“You’re an alcoholic!” Techno shouted, fists balling at his sides. 

“Technoblade Watson!” Phil shouted back, taking a step forward. “You will never say that to me again, do you understand?” He pushed his pointer finger into Techno’s chest, his eyes cold and furious.

Techno froze at his full name, felt his stomach flip at the threat.  
“You’re fucking sick”, he whispered.

“Go to your room!” Phil shouted, raising a fist in warning.

Techno felt sick, he turned and ran up the stairs, slamming his bedroom door. He spent a few minutes hyperventilating, replaying the scene in his head. Phil had raised his hand to hit him.

He wasn’t safe anymore. 

Tommy wasn’t safe anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on twt:  
> https://twitter.com/wallacenvomit
> 
> join the catalyst series discord server:  
> https://discord.gg/7RKdZUbxFd


	12. i don't have control, i don't have your hold but i hold on still

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is the longest chapter in the series at 7k words... thank you basil my little pogchamp <3

There was no way Tommy was going back to class. He had been called in, after all. If he started walking home now, he'd still get there at noon, and Phil would know he skipped. He could go to some shops nearby, but he didn't have any cash on him, and his pockets were starting to feel a little full. Or maybe there was just something about the shock of having Phil come home early, the reminder that he could get caught, that made him not want to stray far from school grounds.

Instead, his feet carried him along the sidewalk around the school. He had his hood up, so hopefully, nobody would recognize him as he trekked to the park at the end of the property, before slipping into one of his new hiding spots. The storm drain.

He had been seeking them out lately, places on the map where no one else tended to show up. Places where he could be alone. The storm drain was one of them. It was close enough to the school to be a convenient walk away but hidden and far enough away that nobody else would accidentally stumble upon it. He felt like he hit a jackpot once he found it. There were bits of graffiti here and there, and a few times he had considered bringing along a Sharpie or something to mark up a wall. He wasn't sure if Sharpie would even show, but that was beside the point. Tommy sunk down to the ground, sat back against the wall, and pulled out his phone. 

TommyInnit: did you get back before dad?

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Yeah. You should take the bus home. Don’t let him drive you please

TommyInnit: really  
TommyInnit: 11 am?  
TommyInnit: im not even mad just disappointed

Tommy smiled to himself despite the news. Saying the parent line about the parent was some good irony.

TommyInnit: reckon itd be funny if i said that to him when i get home? pull the old switcheroo?

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Do not fucking do that  
TechnoBlade Never Dies: I’m dead serious  
TechnoBlade Never Dies: Don’t comment on it at all. He doesn’t take it well

TommyInnit: it wouldnt even be a little funny?

After sending his text, he reached in his pocket and located the smooth obsidian. He rubbed his thumb over it, taking note of all the slight slopes on its surface, and thought about Techno. He really was starting to look out for Tommy, it seemed, even if he still didn't have any sort of protection at school. There was nothing Techno could do about that though, he relented to himself. It was childish of him to be so upset over him getting expelled, especially after learning the context. Techno was taking the time to hang out with Tommy, get to know him again. Techno bought this obsidian for him, and soon, each brother would have one in their possession.

He then wondered when Wilbur would visit next. Did Wilbur know Phil was drinking? Tommy certainly hadn't told him yet.

TechnoBlade Never Dies: It wouldn’t. Seriously, don’t bring it up. Fucking ever. If you do, make sure I’m home. Okay?

TommyInnit: ok MOM  
TommyInnit: did you at least find it funny

TechnoBlade Never Dies: No  
TechnoBlade Never Dies: This is serious Tommy

His typing started, then stopped again. A few minutes later, another text was sent.

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Wilbur told me he used to be an alcoholic. He was two decades sober  
TechnoBlade Never Dies: I need you to promise me you won’t tell anyone or bring it up to him.

TommyInnit: ok i promise  
TommyInnit: sucks we broke his streak tho

Tommy knew Techno was going to have nothing nice to say about his particular sense of humor but watched for his response anyway, giddy. 

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Can you fucking take this seriously?

TommyInnit: ive BEEN taking this seriously

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Could you stop making jokes then?

TommyInnit: maybe i make jokes so i can feel better about everything  
TommyInnit: maybe i cry myself to sleep and laugh about it through text so i dont feel worse  
TommyInnit: youre so insensitive to my plights

A few moments passed by where he chewed his lip.

TommyInnit: that was another joke i dont cry myself to sleep  
TommyInnit: thats wilbur

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Just try not to be insensitive ok

TommyInnit: fine  
TommyInnit: i promise im not telling anyone though

He considered that conversation as good as over and swiped his texting app from his phone. He pulled up YouTube instead, which he watched and snacked on his stolen candy bar from earlier until he heard the school bell ring in the distance. He hadn't really moved for the past few hours, so when he stood, he made sure to stretch far up, hearing a good few cracks come from his back.

Tommy took a leisurely stroll through the park and across the road to make it back to the school, seeing all the buses lined up in front of the building. It wasn't until he saw them all start to pull away that he started to panic, not being aboard one and not being able to stop any of them either. He was without a ride home, Techno wasn't allowed to drive, and he sure as hell wasn't going to let Phil drive him. He could walk... but that was a last-ditch effort. First, he wanted to check the parking lot to see if there was anybody at all he knew well enough to ask to drive him.

A few groups were spotted around the parking lot, theatre kids by the performing arts building, a gaggle of freshmen waiting for their parents, and Dream and his friends at the far end of the parking lot.

Tommy watched as Sapnap shoved Dream, only to be tackled in response. George watched, laughing a little and cheering them on.

When Dream finally pulled away, panting, he caught a glimpse of Tommy. His eyes lit up like fireworks.

“Tommy! Tommy, come over here!”

Tommy's head perked up, and his thoughts were a mix between 'there must be a mistake' and 'fucking finally.' He jogged over to where Dream and his posse were.

"Dream! Friends! Hello!" He was conscious of how straight and tall he stood, how confident he looked. He wanted to make a good impression; it may not have been their first time meeting, but this was a rekindling after months, years of not being involved in each other's lives. "What's up?"

“Karl said you were getting kicked around since Technoblade got expelled, right?” Sapnap piped up.

"I wouldn't say kicked around," Tommy rolled his eyes with a smile. "But maybe a little bit."

“Well, I hereby extend my hand in protective friendship, my dear Thomathy.” Dream bowed, ever the drama queen.  
“Let the lord prove you to be a better Watson than the last one.”

"And the one before that, right?" Tommy snickered, before holding out his hand for a shake. "I accept your offer, Clay."

Dream’s expression flickered to something else for just a second, then that big charismatic grin was back. He shook Tommy’s hand.  
“We were about to head to the mall and get Taco Bell, do you wanna tag along?”

Tommy briefly considered the fact that Techno might actually be waiting for him to come home today, but shoved that thought aside. He was with Dream right now. Fuck Technoblade.  
"Yeah, you sure you're cool being seen with a sophomore?"

Dream scoffed. “Why would that matter? Get in the car, you’re in back with Sapnap.” He got in the driver’s seat, George sliding into the passenger seat beside him.

"Your word, big man!" Tommy slid in the back. He glanced over at Sapnap, and gave an upwards nod, in a show of how cool and masculine he was. "S'up?"

Sapnap gave him a grin back. “So, I hear you play Minecraft?”

"Oh, yeah. Practically invented the game," Tommy bragged. "You know, I beat Technoblade in bedwars once."

The energy in the car shifted slightly. Sapnap shot him a quick look, eyes wide and grimacing. He motioned his hand across his neck, mouthing, “Don’t talk about Technoblade.”

“You did?” Dream asked from the front seat. There was an edge to his tone, which made Sapnap shift uncomfortably.

Tommy swallowed. "Yeah, he cried like a little bitch about it afterwards." That wasn't true, but he hoped the bad-mouthing of his brother would help alleviate the tensions in the car. "I've also had a few wins against Purpled, he's a fucking legend at the game if you don't know him. His brother Punz is in your grade."

Dream hummed in acknowledgment. “Yeah, I know Purpled.”

The car fell into silence. Eventually, George pulled a puff bar out of his pocket. He took a hit and passed it to Dream, who did the same and passed it to Sapnap, who did the same and offered it to Tommy.

Tommy looked at the thing for a moment.

He had made so many promises to himself. So many of them he had recently broken. He gave up on his grudge against Techno, gave up on staying with Tubbo through thick and thin, gave up on being the model child in private.

What was one more disappointment?

He took the puff bar, before looking up. "I've never done this before, I'll have you know."

“Oh, you haven’t? You don’t have to, y’know.” Sapnap said.

"No, I want to," he reassured, "but I appreciate your concern. Um- is this nicotine or weed?"

“It’s just nic, why, do you want weed?” George asked, turning around to look at the two.

“Should we be offering him weed?” Sapnap asked, his tone unsure.

“Tommy, you’re sixteen, right?” George asked.

"Yeah," Tommy nodded. "It doesn't really matter. Te-... Wilbur was doing both at my age, I think."

Dream scoffed from the front seat. “Yeah, didn’t he OD two years later?”

“Dream,” George shot him a serious look.

“What?! I’m just saying! Maybe he’s not the best role model!” Dream defended himself, his voice going high.

Tommy just started laughing. "That he did! Hey, you were there, weren't you? On that beach trip after we took him to the hospital?"

“Yeah, I was! Schlatt pulled his fuckin’ Glock on me, dude!” Dream laughed along.

"They were the best of times, they were the worst of times," it was nice to finally talk about everything, and have Dream laugh along. "Okay, seriously. I just hold down the button and suck in, right?"

“Nah, there’s no button on it. You just pull it in.” Dream said. Neither of the other two spoke, Sapnap nervously fidgeting with his headphones in his lap and George still glaring at Dream.

"You're right, there isn't," Tommy observed the lack of a button. He had seen them on some others around, though.

“Be careful, it won’t really feel like anything, you might take a lot”, Sapnap warned.

He put the pen in his mouth, and as he breathed in, he remembered the conversation he had with Technoblade just hours earlier. Something about Fundy being fucked for vaping around kids.

Tommy was surprised when he didn't feel any sort of suffocating or coughing sensation. For whatever reason, he had imagined it would be a much more difficult process. He huffed out his nose, trying to expel all the air left in his lungs, make sure he was really getting all the vapor out. An immediate rush of euphoria hit him, and he found his eyebrows raised.   
"Wow. Okay!" he handed the vape back to George, who he presumed was next in line.

George snorted a laugh. “Yeah? Wow?” He took another hit and passed it to Dream. 

“You got buzzed off of one hit?” Sapnap giggled a little. “Fuck, dude, I’d kill for your tolerance.”

"No, I'm not buzzed," Tommy complained without really knowing if he was lying or not. "I just... dunno. Didn't know what to expect. Not as bad as everyone made it out to be."

“Who made it out to be bad?” Sapnap laughed and took it off Dream. 

“Oooh, Dream, actually, could you drop me and Sap off at Schlatt’s for a second before we go to the mall?” George asked, pulling Dream’s sleeve.

Dream hesitated. “Why?”

“I wanna pick up a bottle of wine to have while we watch the stars tonight”, he said, his voice wistful.

Sapnap glanced between them and stayed quiet, taking a long hit before passing it to Tommy again.

“I’ll drop you off at the end of the block”, Dream sighed.

"Am I gonna be around for the stargazing?" Tommy asked, before taking another short hit himself and handing it off to George. Something deep in his brain was any combination of positive emotions to be out of his home, to be hanging out with popular people... to be doing drugs. Maybe that last part wasn't good, but he told himself this would be a one-time thing, and they'd make sure he was okay.

“Can you stay out that late?” Dream asked, pulling into Schlatt’s neighborhood and parking. George and Sapnap got out of the car and started walking, leaving the two alone.

"Hmm... what time would I be getting home?" Tommy undid his seatbelt so he could lay across the backseat while they waited.

Dream shrugged. “Stargazing usually lasts until like three. We could drop you home earlier than that, though.”

"I mean, I'm pretty sure I've come home later. I feel like dad might be keeping an eye out for me tonight, but fuck it, I'm already coming home late, right?"

He hummed in acknowledgment, shifting to kick his feet onto the passenger seat.  
“So what’s going on with you? Wilbur moved off to college and Technoblade got expelled, right? How’re you dealing with all that?”

"Vaping in the cars of people I barely know, apparently," he glanced over at Dream, their faces now diagonal from each other in the car.

Dream huffed a laugh at that. “That’s fair, I can’t say I can fault you. I’m not gonna get in trouble for getting you home at like three in the morning, right?”

"Trouble by who? My dad?" Tommy snickered. He was careful not to mention his other brother.

“Yeah? What, doesn’t he care?”

Tommy sucked air in through his teeth. "Eh. He's never really noticed when I snuck out before." He was also likely to be passed-out or piss-drunk, but he swore he wouldn't mention that. "That's not a good thing, is it?"

Dream grimaced and tilted his head to the side. “Eh… it’s not great, but it’s pretty normal. None of our parents really care, but we’re also like, adults. Or, George and I are.” He huffed a laugh. “Sapnap’s still a baby.”

"Huh, you are eighteen, aren't you? That's fucked. Personally, I'm predicting Sapnap and I are gonna rise up and lead a fuckin' coup against you ancient beings," Tommy joked, before realizing he wasn't really a part of the group. "Or- shit, sorry. I shouldn't get too ahead of myself here."

Dream waved a hand in dismissal. “You’re fine, it’s just jokes. You’re allowed to make jokes.” He took a pen out of his pocket and took a hit, then pocketed it again. He cleared his throat and leaned forward, getting closer to Tommy.  
“So.” He began, his eyes suddenly dark. “How is Technoblade doing?”

Tommy was receptive to the change in tone. "I mean. Not great. But I don't really think it's my place to go into detail?"

Dream cocked his head to the side, running his tongue over his front teeth. “Hm.” His eyes flicked back to Tommy. “You don’t have to tell me, I’d just… I’d like to know, y’know? He’s my best friend. I’m worried about him. You understand that, right?”

"Yeah, I get that," but Tommy didn't divulge any more. Instead, his eyes went to Dream's pocket. "Was that one nicotine?”

Dream stared at him for a moment. His mouth was pulled into a loose smile, his eyes hiding a burning rage.  
“Heh, no. Do you want to try it?”

"Could I?" Tommy sat up.

“Yeah, but it’ll fuck you up. You okay with that?” Dream took it out again and handed it to him.

"Why, is it that strong?" Tommy took the device and eyed it. This looked a little more familiar, a little more like what he'd catch peeks of when he snooped through his brothers' rooms.

“It’s 38%. It’s pretty high.” He shrugged, scratching his chin. “Just press the button and inhale. Don’t take too much, okay? I don’t want you to green out.”

Tommy gave a slow nod, steeling his nerves. He couldn't believe he was doing this. He was pretty pissed at himself, actually.

Either way, for the third time of the night, he took a hit.

This one tasted a little different in the back of his throat, he noted, and he breathed out while he handed the pen back to Dream. "And how many hits of that one should a beginner take, do you reckon?"

“Wait ten minutes. See how you feel.” Dream said, taking it and pocketing it. 

George and Sapnap were on their way back to the car, doing a little dance together.  
“We got rum,” George giggled as he got into the passenger seat.

“He was out of red wine, and George was being picky.” Sapnap shrugged, sitting beside Tommy.

"You have quite the sophisticated palate, huh George?" Tommy had scooched back into a normal sitting position, hands in his pockets. He idly gripped at the obsidian.

“He has an expensive palate”, Dream scoffed. 

“No, I like what Tommy said better. I’m sophisticated, Dream. You wouldn’t know anything about it.” He hummed and opened the bottle of rum, taking a swig. Sapnap leaned forward and made grabby hands, taking it and taking a swig too.

“Alright, we’re here. Put that shit away before we head in.” Dream ordered.

Tommy watched as the others stashed everything away.  
"So what stores do you usually go to?"

“We’re just gonna fuck around in the food court”, Sapnap shrugged, shutting the car door as Tommy got out.   
“Why, do you wanna go to a store?”

He considered asking to go to GameStop, the store still on his mind from wanting to go with Techno earlier. The problem was that he wasn't sure if he had enough carrying space on him to sneak anything home. "Nah, I'm good. Fuck, I don't have any money, though."

“You’re good, I just got my paycheck. We have a couple hundred bucks to blow.” Dream flashed a grin.

“You’ll spend your paycheck on Tommy and not me?” Sapnap whined.

“Tommy doesn’t have a job, dude. You just wanna freeload.” 

“George has a job, and you pay for his shit!”

“I’m special.”

“Yeah, he’s special.”

Sapnap grumbled and looked at Tommy for sympathy. “Never become friends with codependent people, Tommy.”

“We aren’t codependent!” George objected.

“You live in his house!” 

“Yeah, because my house sucks!”

“You have two stories and a garage fridge, dude!”

“Yeah, and Dream has that and a pool and a hot tub. It’s an easy choice.” George scoffed.

Sapnap shot Tommy another look, along the lines of, “See what I mean?”

Tommy just laughed at the banter, relieved they were gonna let him eat tonight. "You two should just marry already. Get some tax benefits out of it all."

“I only get to marry him if he doesn’t get a girlfriend by the time he’s twenty”, George sighed, leaning against Dream as they walked. 

“Eh, even then it might not happen. Who knows, I’ll probably be too busy with work.” Dream shrugged, pulling George closer by his waist.

“You guys suck, I should’ve ditched you for Karl and Quackity”, Sapnap grumbled. “Hey, would you mind if I invited them, actually?” He asked, perking up a little.

“Yes, I would”, Dream said, authoritative yet still dismissive. “Alright, who wants what from Taco Bell?”

"I could actually really go for a steak quesadilla. Oh, and a Baja Blast," Tommy watched their close mannerisms, and his mind drifted off for the rest of the conversation.

Before he really realized it, he was sitting down at a table in the food court. He was incredibly familiar with this place, having visited it often with family and friends. He looked up at the current crew that had dragged him along- and he barely remembered walking in with them. The car ride felt like a distant memory. It had to have only been fifteen minutes ago or something, right?

He dragged his hand back and forth in front of his face, watching as it moved, watching as it doubled in his vision.

Dream chuckled a little.   
“You good, Tommy?”

"Yeah. Time ain't right, but I am." He didn't understand the thought process behind his words, logic going all sorts of nonsensical. "Is this what it's supposed to feel like?"

“Wait, what is he on? Did you give him something?” Sapnap asked, looking at Dream.

Dream shrugged. “I just let him hit my pen, he’s fine.”

“You- dude, what? Why not George’s? What if he greens out?” Sapnap worried.

“It’s fine, Sap. He only took one hit. You’re okay, right Tommy?” Dream offered a toothy grin.

Tommy nodded. He was still able to think. He had his memory intact, he just felt funny. All-in-all, he wasn't panicking, and he still felt coherent, which he knew were all good signs. "I'm a-okay my friend. When do we get to eat?"

“Your food’s in front of you”, Dream snickered a little.

Tommy looked and gave an appreciative nod. "So it is. You all live another day," he snickered at himself, before picking up his food and taking a bite.

He wasn't sure if it was the weed, not eating a proper meal all day, or Taco Bell just doing it right tonight, but it was just about the best thing he'd ever tasted.  
"I appreciate you three so much right now," he spoke through chewed steak and tortilla.

Dream covered his mouth to hide his laughing.   
“Yeah, buddy, we appreciate you too. Finish your food, we’re gonna head to my house once we’re done here.”

Tommy furrowed his eyebrows and cranked his memory. That didn't sound right. "What about stargazing?"

“We’ll drive out to the trails once the sun sets. Until then, George and Sapnap wanted to swim. They’re already waiting in the car, just finish up your food.” Dream said. Tommy looked around, and sure enough, the other two were gone.

Tommy was just... so confused. They were literally here seconds ago.

He shrugged it off and ate down the rest of his food rather quickly. "Can I bring this in your car? Promise I won't spill," he picked up the large Baja Blast, which was only a quarter full.

“Yeah, sure.” Dream stood up and threw the trash in a can nearby. 

Then they were walking, one of Dream’s arms slung around Tommy’s shoulder to keep him steady.  
“So, how’s Technoblade doing?” He asked.

"S'bad," he leaned into Dream, not trusting himself to walk in a straight line. "Nothin' I don't think you didn't already know, though."

“Well, I know he got expelled for trying to kill that guy. It’s pretty scary, actually. I feel like I got off lucky with just a broken nose”, he laughed.   
“Say, didn’t he break Wilbur’s nose, too?”

Tommy nodded. "And some kid in, like, first grade or whatever. And Wilbur's rapist." Whatever scraps of filter Tommy usually had were completely gone now.

“Huh”, Dream hummed in acknowledgment.  
“You’re brave for staying in that house with him, I’d be scared out of my mind, dude. I mean, he was barely tipsy when he beat me up. What would he do if he got really fucked up?”

"Naaah, I've been 'round him while he's fucked up lots of times. If anyone can take him," he jabbed his thumb into his chest, "it's me."

Dream chuckled. “I’m glad you can defend yourself. Just know that if he ever tries to hurt you, you can come to me, okay?” He made Tommy meet his eyes.  
“Because he will try to hurt you. It’s only a matter of time.”

Tommy just stared back at him, with a slightly disgruntled look. Even loopy, he could tell this wasn't a path he wanted to go down.  
"It's also a matter of time before I piss myself. Can we hurry up to your house?"

“Yeah, we’re almost at the car.” Dream offered a sickeningly warm smile.

The car ride was full of laughter, the three eldest shooting quips back and forth. Then they were at Dream’s house, saying hello to Dream’s mom, and heading into the backyard.

“Do you wanna swim?” Sapnap asked Tommy.

Tommy considered the offer and took far too long to come to any sort of logical conclusion. "I don't have my swim binder." Did these guys even know he was trans? No- everyone already knew. Right? Right. Maybe.

“Oh, you could probably borrow one of Drista’s sports bras or something! You don’t have to if you don’t want to, though.” Sapnap assured.

Tommy grimaced at first, but it morphed into a look of consideration. "... You drive a hard bargain. Okay," he agreed, tossing his empty Taco Bell cup in the trash- when did he finish that?

“I’ll go ask her!” Sapnap grinned and went inside.

Tommy looked around, his vision lagging, and tried to take in his surroundings. Dream was in the pool, laughing and saying something to George. George rolled his eyes and took a swig from the bottle of rum, then turned to Tommy and offered it to him.

Tommy just took it because his mouth was so fucking dry, and anything would be good for quenching that right now.

As soon as he swigged it the way he might water, he leaned forward and held his hand to his mouth, nearly spitting it out. His entire face pinched up as he handed the bottle back to George, but managed to swallow. "You drink that for fun?"

George laughed a little and said something in response, but Tommy couldn’t quite make it out. 

“Hey, I got…” Sapnap appeared beside him, handing him a sports bra. He was still talking to him, but for some reason Tommy couldn’t understand him.

Tommy just took the article of clothing and took it with him into the bathroom. He had to peek through a few doors to figure out which was the right one. This wasn’t his first time at Dream's house, but as he navigated the place, he found himself almost getting lost a few times.

He stood in the mirror, not remembering when sports bra and boxers replaced hoodie and jeans. He tucked his clothes away into the corner of the bathroom, absentmindedly noting that he still had his phone and his obsidian in his hoodie pocket, and he needed to get that back before he left. Not to mention the fact that he couldn't just leave the house without his binder, in some random girl's bra.

Then, he was outside, looking around and trying to process whatever was going on out here.

Dream waved at him, said something, and motioned for him to join him in the pool. Then he was in the water, the ripples lapping at his collarbones.

“…doing okay?” Sapnap was looking at him, a hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah," the word sounded odd coming from his mouth. "I'm just... bodiless." The weightlessness from the water made him feel like nothing, and a smile came to his face. "This is great." Despite how confused and bleary he felt, he wasn't sad. With the novelty of everything... he just felt happy.

Sapnap’s brows furrowed, but he offered him a smile. “Okay, let me know if you need anything, okay? If you feel like you’re too high we’ll go take a break in Dream’s room.”

"What's too high?" He wasn't sure if he'd reached that threshold or not.

“Uh, like if it starts to feel uncomfortable, or you feel nauseous or something. I’m right here, okay? You’ll be fine.” Sapnap gave a sympathetic smile.

"I'm juuust fine," Tommy returned his expression and looked down at himself. The body he saw wasn't his, but he didn't feel particularly troubled. He looked at the other boys in the pool. "So do you lot do this often?"

“What, get fucked up?” George laughed a little. “Yeah we…” he started to talk, but Tommy found himself having a hard time hearing him again.

Tommy realized after what felt like minutes that he hadn't heard what George said. No matter. "Am I allowed to hang out too? Or is this a one-timer?"

Dream said something then, a smile on his face. Sapnap nodded in agreement.

Tommy's hand went up to his forehead, pressing his palm against it, and rubbing at his head. He desperately willed himself the ability to focus. "Sorry- what?"

“I said you’re welcome to hang out any time you want”, Dream said.

“Yeah, we don’t mind you being around.” Sapnap agreed.

Tommy didn’t miss the way George scowled at them before taking another swig.

"You guys are real mates." Tommy's eyes went to George, then to George's hand. "Can I have more?" He gestured to the rum.

For a second, it looked like George was glaring at him. Then he smiled. “Yeah, here.” He handed it over, but Sapnap put a hand out and stopped him.

“He’s pretty high, dude. I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Sapnap warned.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were his fucking mum. Is that true, Tommy? Your mummy doesn’t want you drinking, so you’re not going to?” George mocked, pouting.

“Dude, come on.” Sapnap levelled him with a serious look.

“Tommy, do you want more?” George asked, looking Tommy in the eyes.

"My mouth's dry," he shrugged. He didn't have strong opinions one way or the other in this moment. He was vaguely aware that, at any other time, he would either be vehemently against the notion of drinking or incredibly pissed at the assumption that he's just some helpless kid who doesn't know what he's doing.

“I’ll get you some water”, Sapnap said, shooting a glare at George. He waded out of the water, disappearing into the house.

“He thinks he’s so fucking superior”, George hissed.

“He’s just trying to make sure Tommy doesn’t puke, I think. He is being a bitch, though.” Dream shrugged.

"Well he's not here right now," Tommy reached a hand out towards George.

George grinned. “Maybe we should replace him with you”, he handed him the bottle.

“Don’t joke about that.” Dream reprimanded.

“It’s a joke, Dream.”

“It’s not a funny joke.”

“What is with the stick up your ass today?”

“I’d ask the same of you.”

“Oh, fuck off.”

“Make me.”

The two stared at each other, their expressions dead serious. George wordlessly took the bottle back from Tommy and took a long swig, keeping eye contact with Dream. Dream sighed and turned away, getting out of the pool.

“Tommy, I got you some water. Can you drink at least half of it for me?” Sapnap was beside him, offering him a water bottle.

Tommy nodded, pretty much just doing whatever they told him now. He started to drink it and leaned in towards Sapnap between sips. "Sap. They're bitching like an old married couple." He had intended to whisper, but it came out a lot louder without him realizing.

Sapnap laughed a little. “Yeah, they do that. Are you okay? You’re shivering, do you wanna go in the hot tub to warm up?”

Tommy's eyes widened. "This joint has a fuckin' hot tub?"

Sapnap let out a loud laugh. “Yeah, man. C’mon.” He nodded in the direction of the pool stairs.

The warmth of the hot tub was heavenly.  
“How’s it feel?” Sapnap asked.

"I think I went to Nirvana and came back," Tommy sunk further down into the water, and considered everything that he could remember since he woke up. He decided that today had been the best day of his life. "You're a good man, Sapnap. Honest."

Sapnap grinned. “You are too, Tommy. You’re really funny, it’s nice having you around.”

"You think I'm funny?" There was something about... that. Being acknowledged as humorous. Being acknowledged as something positive, rather than annoying or a burden. His eyes squinted with how wide he grinned, before cupping his hands around his mouth and shouting out to Dream and George, wherever they may be. "Guys! He thinks I'm funny!"

Sapnap laughed. “They went inside like half an hour ago, dude. Could you drink some more water for me?” He handed Tommy the bottle.

"What?" He squawked, taking the bottle. "No, I swear, it's been like... a minute. Right?" He sipped, giving Sapnap a disbelieving gaze.

“Nah, dude. Weed fucks with your sense of time. Plus, I dunno how high your alcohol tolerance is, but you might be crossed.” He shrugged. “It’s okay, though. You’re safe, you’re fine, y’know?”

"Yeah, of course I am," he grinned. "I got you here." He didn't have Tubbo, or Techno, not even Wilbur or Phil- but hey, fuck them. He wasn't sure if he'd ever felt this good around any of them. "Are you high? Or is it just me right now?"

“I’m a little tipsy, but other than that, no. I figured it’d be good for you to have a sober sitter for your first time.” Sapnap said.

"Oh, this is pretty embarrassing," he chuckled to himself. "Do you think- you think my brothers would be mad my first time isn't with them?"

His brows furrowed. “Uh, I dunno. I never really met Wilbur, and I only talked to Techno when he bummed cigs off me. I dunno how they’d feel about it.”

"Do you hate Techno?"

Sapnap blinked, taken aback. “Uh… I don’t really hate anyone, Tommy. I don’t like him, though. Dream is like, my best friend, and he really hurt him badly. Like, not just physically.”

"... Don't tell Dream, but I kind of hate him too." Or, Tommy did, past tense. He wasn't sure where they stood now. But at this moment, he couldn't imagine sitting home and playing Minecraft. "He believes in crystals 'n all that, and took me to read my future today, and this green-haired fucker told me I was gonna die soon." He was greatly exaggerating. His weed-addled brain couldn't tell the difference.

Sapnap’s brows furrowed, biting his lip in concern.  
“What? What do you mean?”

"Not- dying," he laughed, sensing Sapnap's concern. "But like, he said I was gonna get real fucked up real sudden-like. I dunno how, but he said it'd be my fault. And... I end up doing all that because my family fucked me over," he sighed. Tommy didn't care that he was unloading all of this on Sapnap of all people. "What's it like, having a normal brother?"

Sapnap huffed a laugh. “What, you mean Bad? I wouldn’t say he’s normal.”

"Oh, no? He's always seemed chill."

“No, he is, he is, he’s just like… I dunno. He’s a little weird. In a good way, y’know?”

"Oh- yeah. That's what I meant. What's it like... having a good brother?"

“Ah”, Sapnap took a deep breath and sighed. “Uh, it’s nice. He’s… yeah, he’s nice. It feels good to have someone in your corner, y’know?”

Tommy nodded. He didn't actually know, but he could imagine.  
"Do you think you'd be... a bad person without him? Or if he was bad, too?"

Sapnap looked at him with concern.  
“Do you feel like you’re a bad person because your brothers are?”

"I feel like I'm turning one," he started chewing his fingernails like a lifeline. "I wouldn't have done- this," he gestured around, "all of this, a month ago. Before I learned Wil's on coke and Techno's-" he cut himself off. This was the wrong crowd, he had his first sober thought in hours.

The other hesitated for a moment. “You know that, like, doing drugs and drinking and stuff… it doesn’t make you a bad person. You get that, right?”

"I get that, yeah. But they can change you. And sometimes it's just... for the worse," he looked off, thinking about his dad, and how Techno now seemed scared all the time. "I'm just thinking... you know, what if I follow in my family's footsteps? That is... the last thing I want for myself." He spoke slowly, needing to take time to gather his thoughts, and he still wasn't sure if he was doing a good enough job. "Fuck. Do I sound coherent?"

“Yeah, yeah you do.” Sapnap sighed. “Look, if you don’t wanna be getting high and drinking while you’re hanging out with us, you seriously don’t have to. I know George and Dream are a little… pushy? I guess? But you’re fine to stay sober.”

"I don't..." Tommy came to a terrible epiphany, "I don't really wanna stay sober. It's seriously fine, something for me to work through myself. Sorry."

“You don’t have to apologise, Tommy.” Sapnap offered a small smile. “Just let me know if it gets too much and you need a break, okay? Dream and George can get a little intense, especially at night.”

Tommy looked Sapnap up and down, and grinned. "Man, you're so nice to me, for no reason. Can you be my new best friend?" He took a pause, and held up his hands apologetically. "Too fast?"

Sapnap laughed a little. “You’re good, don’t worry. Sure, we can be friends.” He took a deep breath and stretched his arms above his head.   
“The sun is setting, we should head inside and get dressed. Those two are gonna want to leave for the trail soon.”

Tommy understood, and crawled out of the tub, before looking down at his soaked shorts.   
"Oh, no, my boxers..." now that he was out of the throes of the emotional conversation, he wasn't trying so hard to think right anymore. Any capabilities he had of solving this problem on his own were gone.

“It’s alright, I’m sure George has some that’d fit you.” Sapnap handed him a fluffy towel and led him inside.

The sun was setting as they drove, pumpkin clouds slowly moving across the sky. Dream was playing Plastic Beach through the car’s speakers, the tune carrying Tommy like gentle hands.

They walked a little further into the trails, eventually situating themselves at the top of a hill on a few blankets. The stars were clear there, bright and twinkling against the deep black sky.

Tommy’s phone buzzed.

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Dude where are you?

Tommy looked down at the text, and a dread settled deep in the pit of his stomach, even more than when Phil had texted him announcing he was coming home early. He did not trust himself enough at the moment to reply to this.

"Fuck. My brother just texted me," he held up his phone, letting them see the screen. They could see some of the conversations from earlier, too. Something about Tommy being insensitive and making jokes on some serious matter.

Dream leaned in, peering at it, then took the phone. He scrolled through it for a second before Sapnap snatched it out of his hands. 

“Dude, what the fuck?” Sapnap asked, holding it to his chest.

“I was just gonna text him back for him”, Dream said, shrugging. Sapnap eyed him for a moment longer, then looked down at the phone. 

“What do you want me to tell him, Tommy?”

"Uhh..." Tommy wracked his brain, and blinked. "You think I can get away with just... not replying?" He forgot to consider the online indicator Discord gave.

“No, I don’t think so. Is it okay if I just tell him the truth? That you’re hanging out with us? I won’t mention anything else.”

"I feel like that's a stupid idea. Tell him- tell him I'm at Tubbo's."

“Oh, good idea”, Sapnap nodded and quickly sent out the text. A moment later, another message popped up.

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Did you make up with them or something? Why are you at their house?

Sapnap grimaced. “Uh… were you in a fight with Tubbo or something? He’s asking if you made up.”

"Hah, yeah, I was. Tell him we're... we're trying to talk things out," Tommy spun the lie. "Tell him not to pick me up, that we're in the middle of something really important and I'll... have Fundy drop me off." He couldn't be too sure, but he felt like that was a pretty convincing story.

Sapnap nodded and did as he was told.  
“Okay, he said that’s okay. Here.” He handed the phone back.

After a while, George mumbled something to Dream, who sighed in return.  
“Sapnap, could you walk George back to the car? He forgot his puff bar.”

“Why can’t you do it?” Sapnap frowned.

“Because I drove us here. Come on, don’t be a bitch.” Dream shot a glare at him through the dark.

Sapnap grumbled, but stood up and left with George. A few moments passed as Tommy listened to their footsteps recede.

“So, your dad is drinking again?” Dream’s tone was far too casual.

"Yeah, I guess so. I never knew he drank at all. He was always very... anti- this, anti- that. I guess I know why now." Tommy laid all the way back on the blanket, and going horizontal was not a sensation he was sure he was ready for. "It... sucks. It's whatever. Whatever."

Dream hummed in acknowledgment. He hesitated a moment. “Do you feel safe at your house? With your dad drinking and Techno… being Techno?”

"Safe enough," he muttered. "I'm too high to think about this, man, I dunno."

He hummed again. “I wouldn’t feel safe.”

"Good thing I'm not you, then."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on twt:  
> https://twitter.com/wallacenvomit
> 
> join the catalyst series discord server:  
> https://discord.gg/7RKdZUbxFd


	13. it's a game where we pretend i never crossed the line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the waves are to the cliff as the noose is to the neck

The continuation school was nice, all in all. The people were friendly, all of them a little odd in their own ways. Techno didn’t make any friends, but he considered one of the younger sophomores in his math class to be a good acquaintance of his.

She was short, stocky with thick brown hair that covered her eyes. She was just as quiet as Techno was, and the few times that they had interacted, she had shown him a grin full of big teeth and braces. 

After a few days, they settled into a routine. Techno would show up a few minutes before their math class, and they would go to the small break room that the school considered its cafeteria. Techno would buy her a Dr. Pepper, and she would buy him a Monster. They didn’t sit together at lunch, she had her own group of other sophomore friends.

She reminded him of Ranboo.

After school one day, the devil was spoken of and therefore he appeared. His phone buzzed.

Ranboo: Hello Technoblade!!

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Hey whats up :D

Ranboo: I hate to ask you this but I need a ride home because it is raining and Niki is at work and Tubbo already went home with Fundy. Is there any way you would be able to help me out? If not no worries!!

Techno smiled and turned the ignition, putting his seatbelt on and sending a quick text back.

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Omw wait inside the library or a classroom or something

Ranboo: Will do! Thank you!!

Ranboo held a textbook over his head as he ran from the classroom to Techno’s car, quickly getting inside when the door was opened for him.

“Good afternoon”, Techno greeted, pulling out of the parking lot. 

“Good afternoon!” Ranboo grinned and shivered, putting his seatbelt on.

“How was your day?” Techno asked, reaching into the back seat without taking his eyes off the road and handing Ranboo a flannel.

“Oh, thank you. It was alright, Tubbo taught me how to do a cartwheel in the gym at lunch today.” He smiled and pulled the flannel in, sinking into its warmth and letting his eyes fall shut.

“They did? That’s cool, they’re a really good gymnast.” Techno hummed. “So why didn’t you go home with them and Tommy? I thought you three were friends now?”

Ranboo’s eyes opened and he looked over at Techno. “Tommy? No, we aren’t friends with Tommy. I haven’t seen him in like, a week.” 

Techno paused, staring ahead as the windshield wipers pushed away the rain.  
“He didn’t go home with Tubbo today, then?”

“Uh, no, Tubbo went home with Fundy right after school. Did he tell you he went home with Tubbo?” 

“Yeah, he did.”

“Oh.”

“Hm… yeah. So they’re not friends at all?”

“Not to my knowledge, no. Tommy really hurt Tubbo’s feelings, from what I’ve heard. Tubbo hasn’t forgiven him.”

“Hm”, Techno signalled left to get onto the main road. Tommy was keeping secrets from him too. It wasn’t surprising, but it was a little disappointing.  
“So… what’ve you been up to lately?”

“Oh, uh, just school and Minecraft, really”, Ranboo offered an awkward laugh. “What about you?”

“School and Minecraft. We really ought to play together some time.” Techno said.

“I agree, it’d be really fun. I have a spare laptop at my house, actually. Would you want to… come over? It’s okay if not, of course! I-I don’t wanna-“

“I would like that”, Techno interrupted, looking at him with a smile.

Ranboo stared back, then grinned.

“You don’t like the rain, huh?” Techno asked, walking into Ranboo’s house after watching him sprint to the shelter of the porch.

“No, uh, too many little things. Like static.” He said, unlocking the front door and letting him in.

“Adhd?”

“Autism.”

“Ah, nice. I’m an adhd man myself, but I get the sensory stuff. I can’t do noises.”

“Noises?”

“Like, small ones. Chewin’, mostly.”

“Oh, yeah, I get what you mean. How are you with textures?” Ranboo asked, leading Techno to his and Niki’s room.

“Sticky things and wet things are bad.”

“Same! And Velcro, Velcro sucks.”

“Agreed. Do you play java or bedrock?”

“Java.”

“A man of taste.”

They made a survival world. Techno was in the nether within the first twenty minutes, and Ranboo was building them a house. Techno brought glowstone and blackstone back for Ranboo, who added them as decoration to the growing house. Ranboo told him, excitedly, about what each enderman noise was theorised to mean. In return, Techno explained the Herobrine lore to him, how to summon him, and the theories of the early 2010s surrounding him.

After a few hours, his phone buzzed. He put himself in a two by one hole and pulled it out to check.

Philza: Where are you?

Techno felt his heart plummet. “Oh, fuck. It’s six. Fuckin’- Okay, I’m sorry Ranboo, this has been fun, but I gotta go. I-I lost track of time and my dad just got home.” 

“Oh, okay. Are you supposed to be home?”

“Heh, I am, like, mega-grounded. I really gotta head. Thank you for invitin’ me over, it was genuinely a good time.” Techno offered a nervous grin.

“Yeah, no problem! Good luck, I hope you don’t get in too much trouble!”

“Thanks!”

“Where were you?” Phil asked, voice stern the second Techno stepped through the door.

“Uh… I gave Ranboo a ride home, and then he wanted to play Minecraft. I lost track of time.” Techno said, his shoulders shy and pulled close in fear.

“Tommy said Ranboo was at Tubbo’s with him. You’re lying to me.” Phil narrowed his eyes.

Techno stared at him and forced himself to swallow the lump in his throat. He couldn’t fuck Tommy over. He steeled himself for the coming storm.

“I… I was at Schlatt’s.” The first lie that came to mind slipped off his tongue like a pill.

“You were at Schlatt’s.”

“…yes.”

“Go to your room and stay there. I’ll be back in half an hour, I’m going to go buy a drug test.” Phil pulled his coat off the hanger by the door.

Techno almost threw up.   
“Wait, what? No, we were just hangin’ out, we were playin’ GTA! I just wanted to see one of my friends, dad!”

“Do you think I’m stupid, Techno?” Phil settled a hard glare on his son.

“No, I don’t, dad, I don’t do that stuff, honest! I was just playin’ video games with him, please, dad, I-I don’t do that!” Techno insisted, his voice shaking with desperation.

“Why are you so worried then? It’ll come back clean, right?” Phil’s eyes were cold and unamused.

Techno swallowed the bile that rose in his throat. “Yeah”, he said, nodding, his voice a whisper. “It’ll come back clean.”

Phil stared at him for another moment, then pushed past him and left the house. Techno started to hyperventilate. Phil had done regular tests on Wilbur for a year, he knew how they worked. He knew how to get a clean result. He just had to focus. 

Who could he trust? 

Ranboo was out of the question. He was a kid. He couldn’t involve him in this. Schlatt wouldn’t come back clean, neither would Wilbur, and the latter was two hours away at best. He had no clue where Tommy was. Dream hated him. 

Karl?

“Hi, Techno! How are you doing?” The voice came tinnily through his phone.

“Hey, I’m uh, I’m actually not doin’ that great.” He took a deep, shaky breath. “Hey, we’re friends, right?”

A moment of hesitation. “What’s going on?”

“I need a favor.”

“A favor?”

“A favor. You don’t do any hard drugs, right?”

“…no, I don’t. I smoke weed, though.”

“That’s fine, that’s actually better, it’s more believable.”

“…oh. You’re getting tested?”

“Uh, yeah, I am. Phil is gettin’ home in like twenty-five minutes. I- I really can’t get caught, man. I’ll pay you, okay?”

“Dude, you don’t have to pay me for my piss. I’ll be over in five minutes.”

“Fuck, thank you, Karl. You’re seriously a fuckin’ lifesaver.”

“Don’t worry about it.” The line went dead.

True to his word, Karl was over in five minutes with a plastic water bottle. Techno welcomed him in out of the rain, shutting the door behind him.

“Can I ask… what you’re doing?” Karl hesitated, handing the bottle to Techno.

Techno paused, tense. “Um…” he took the bottle. “I mean, as long as you don’t tell anyone, I guess? It’s kinda- I don’t want anyone to know, y’know?”

“Yeah, of course not, man.” Karl offered him a sympathetic smile.

Techno stared back at him, a bundled lump of nerves clogging his throat. He averted his gaze to their shoes. “Uh, it’s heroin.”

“Oh”, Karl said, eyes wide. “Oh my god.”

“I know, I know. It’s fine. I’m gonna stop soon, I just- I just can’t get caught, y’know?” He swallowed thickly, looking back up at Karl with furrowed brows.

“…right. I… I get it, yeah. I’m gonna head now, let me know how it goes, okay?” Karl offered a weak smile.

Techno nodded and shut the door behind him.

Phil stared at the test for a while. He pinched the bridge of his nose, face scrunched. He sighed and spoke.  
“Techno, I don’t appreciate that you lied to me.”

“I’m sorry”, he whispered.

“You understand that pot is a gateway drug, right? You know that’s what Wilbur started with?” Phil looked up at him, tired eyes set on nervous ones.

“I know.”

“So why would you start?”

He fiddled with his hands, averting his gaze and staring holes into the tiles of the kitchen floor. “I-I just wanted to know what it was like.”

Phil stared at him, lips pulled tight. “You’re grounded, you know this. Why would you sneak out to smoke pot?”

“I-I wasn’t thinkin’, I was bein’ stupid.”

“Have you been taking your meds?” Phil asked, tone soft.

“Yeah, of course. I was just bein’ stupid.”

His father was quiet for a moment. “How can I help you? How do I… how do I make sure you don’t turn out like Wilbur?”

Techno took a shaky breath. “I-I dunno. I mean, I don’t plan on it. I just wanted to know what the appeal was.”

“I’m sure Wilbur wanted to know the appeal of cocaine, too.”

Technoblade bit his lip and nodded. “I’m sorry.”

Phil sighed and covered his face for a moment. “Okay, here’s what we’re going to do.” He sat up straight again. “You’re going to give me your car keys. I’ll drive you to school from now on.”

“But- But you’re already drivin’ Tommy, won’t it make you late?” Techno objected.

“I’d rather be late than have you sneaking out to smoke pot.” Phil deadpanned.

“Dad, I- I won’t do it again. Seriously. I didn’t even like it, it freaked me out.” Techno insisted.

“I don’t know if I can trust you, Techno.”

“You can. I promise you can, dad. I seriously didn’t even like it.”

Phil kept his gaze on his son, face conflicted as he thought it over. After a while, he sighed. “I want to trust you.” He threw the test in the trash. “So, I’m going to.”

Techno sighed in relief.

“I want you to understand something, though, Techno.”

He looked at his father again.

“Wilbur spent nearly all of the seven years he lived here betraying my trust. He is not moving in here again when he finishes college. He lost that privilege when he did cocaine in my house.” Phil said, eyes unwavering. “If you betray my trust, you will lose the same privilege.”

Techno felt his stomach coil in on itself, but he nodded. He watched his father nod too, then go to the fridge and open a beer. He took it as his signal to leave.

Four lines made his nerves calm again, set his head right. He turned his lights off and curled up in bed, taking slow breaths through his nose and listening to the rain outside. The muffled patter lulled him to sleep.

Techno found his footing in the coarse dirt, Wilbur’s hand on his arm to steady him.

“Careful, you almost fell.”

“Would it really be so bad to fall?”

Wilbur stared at him, hesitating.

“Look up at the moon.”

Technoblade did as he was told.

“She’s a mother, you know. She watches over us.”

“Why?”

“She loves us.”

“But she wouldn’t catch us.”

Wilbur hummed and tore his gaze from the moon, looking down the cliff’s edge instead.

“The waves would catch us.”

“Not kindly.”

“When we fall this far, it’s impossible to be caught with kindness, Techno.”

“The waves wouldn’t let us breathe.”

“No”, Wilbur acknowledged, “not while they held us.”

“Wouldn’t you rather fall on the rocks?”

“I got close, once.”

“I know.”

“Then you know why I aim for the waves.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on twt:  
> https://twitter.com/wallacenvomit
> 
> join the catalyst series discord server:  
> https://discord.gg/7RKdZUbxFd


	14. tall boy, you've got to call him out or he'll dissolve more

He stirred awake when he heard the front door creak open at midnight. Phil was in his room, likely passed out, and showed no sign of reappearing, so he went downstairs to talk to Tommy.

“Where were you today?” He whispered.

Tommy startled at the voice, frozen where he stood.   
"At Tubbo's," he whispered. "I already told you."

“You weren’t, Tommy. I gave Ranboo a ride home and he told me you and Tubbo haven’t even spoken.” He hissed. “Where were you?”

"Hold on, what?" He furrowed his brows. "Ranboo said that?" He continued past Techno, to the kitchen.

Techno followed him, quick on his feet and insistent.  
“Yes, he did. It’s fuckin’ midnight, Tommy. Where were you? I’m not gonna tell Phil, I already got my ass busted to fuckin’ cover for you.”

"Why would you believe Ranboo and not me?" Tommy opened up the pantry, eyes desperately searching for something to grab and just go.

“Because he has no reason to lie. You do.” Techno whispered.   
“Tommy, please, I’m not gonna bust you. I got drug tested by Phil to cover your ass, please just tell me where you were.”

"You got drug tested?" Tommy looked to Techno with disbelief, pulling a Poptart from the box.

“Yeah, dude. I had to say I went to Schlatt’s instead of Ranboo’s because Phil didn’t fuckin’ believe me after what you told him.” He kept his tone quiet, focusing on fostering his worry and suppressing his anger.  
“I want to be here for you, Tommy. I don’t want you to go through shit without someone on your side, you get that, right? I want you to know you can always trust me to keep you safe.”

"...sorry," he sighed. "I was with Dream."

“You were-“ Techno stared at him, eyes wide. He took a breath and closed his eyes, then let it out.  
“Okay. Okay, that’s fine.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Were you drinking or smoking?”

"No!" Tommy lifted his hands and waved them in assurance. "No, no. We just sorta drove around. Went to the mall. Hung out at his. You know."

He hesitated. “Okay. I’m not gonna be mad or tell Phil if you do start drinking or smoking, okay? I just want to know. It’s easy to spiral with that stuff.” 

"Okay, okay, mom, I get it," Tommy felt himself bristling. He had no reason to feel as annoyed as he did.

He sighed again. “Was it just Dream? Or were George and Sapnap there?”

"George and Sapnap were there, too. They warmed up to me surprisingly quick."

Techno stared at him for a moment. He nodded, making himself swallow his pride.  
“Okay. Have you done your homework?”

"No," he admitted, unwrapping the Poptart. "I don't have much, though."

He hummed. “Okay, do you need any help? If your grades start slipping, Phil is gonna get suspicious.”

"I'm fine, Tech," he said, a little more curt than he maybe meant. "But thanks for the offer. And... and for covering for me."

Techno watched him, then nodded. “Yeah, no problem”, he whispered. “I’m gonna head to bed. You’ll let me know if you need anything?”

"For sure," Tommy nodded and got the sense that Techno was trying. He wasn't sure if it was to really help Tommy or just to feel better about himself. He hated being so unsure about his brother.  
"Hey, Tech?"

“What’s up?” He asked, glancing back.

Tommy dug around in his pocket for a moment, before pulling out a little black stone. "Obsidian check?"

He blinked, then nodded and dug into the pocket of his sweats.  
“Right here.” He said, holding it out.

The frustration Tommy felt from the whole interaction melted in a matter of moments. His mind was a confusing place, but suddenly his affections were swayed in Techno's favor. He smiled.  
"Jesus, I can't wait for Wilbur to visit. We'll be, like- the obsidian bros."

Techno felt a smile blossom on his lips. “Yeah, we will.” He hesitated.   
“Hey, uh… what are you gonna do after high school?”

"Uh..." Tommy took a bite out of his Poptart while he stood and thought.  
"I don't know. Tubbo and I always talked about living together, but... now I dunno. I just don't really like thinking about it."

He nodded and thought for a moment. Thought about the way Phil had raised a hand to hit him.  
“I’m gonna move to LA. You should move with me.”

"Oh," he was caught a little off guard. The prospect of being torn from where he grew up, what he'd always known, sounded gut-wrenching in the best and worst ways. "Well, I still gotta finish high school, first."

Techno watched him, then pocketed the obsidian again.   
“Just keep it in mind.” He said, then gave him a smile and headed upstairs.

The morning came with a nauseating realisation. He was out of heroin. He dug through his room, looking for the money he’d stashed away after his summer job. He still had three hundred bucks left. 

Driving to Schlatt’s house, he felt his skin start to crawl. He absentmindedly scratched at his neck, his arms, his head. He took a shaky breath as he parked in the driveway.

“Technoblade”, Schlatt greeted, his voice quieter than usual.

“Hey, Schlatt”, Techno responded, equally quiet.

“Uh, come on in.” Schlatt opened the door for him, stepping aside to let him inside.

Techno nodded and went inside, hesitating in the kitchen.

“So… you already ran out?” Schlatt asked.

Techno nodded.

“Are you gonna fuck me up if I try to convince you out of this?” Schlatt’s voice was heavy with exhaustion.

Techno felt his heart twist. “No, I… I didn’t mean to hurt you last time, Schlatt.”

Schlatt stared at him. “If I refused, you’d do it again, though.”

He swallowed a forming lump in his throat. “No, I wouldn’t. I don’t want to hurt you. I’d just find another dealer.”

“That would be worse.”

“I know.”

“Other dealers won’t look out for you.”

“I know.”

Schlatt stared at him. He sat down at the kitchen table, motioning for Techno to do the same. He rested his head in his hands for a moment.   
“Technoblade, I don’t… I don’t wanna do this. I’ve seen too many people lose everything to heroin.” His tone was gravelled and pained.

Techno stayed quiet, staring at the grains of the table.

“When I was sixteen, I was dealing to this guy John. He got into heroin because his cousin was doing it too. He wasn’t snorting it or smoking it, he went right to injections. I stopped dealing to him because it was getting bad.” Schlatt’s voice wavered, he swallowed thickly. “He went to another dealer.” His words were hardly a whisper.

Techno felt his stomach start to coil, he had a feeling he knew where this was going. He scratched his arm.

“The guy sold him stuff that was laced with fentanyl, Technoblade. He overdosed. His six year old sister found him.”

He felt bile rise in his throat, his heart twisting in pain and dread.

“She thought he was sleeping.” Schlatt whispered.

Techno felt tears sting his eyes.

“She just laid down next to him. She went to sleep. She didn’t understand why he wasn’t breathing in the morning.”

He bit his lip, staring dead ahead and blinking back tears. 

“Do you know what an opioid overdose looks like, Technoblade?” Schlatt asked.

Techno shook his head.

“It just looks like you’re asleep. Sometimes you throw up, sometimes you don’t. If your eyes are closed, they don’t see how small your pupils are.”

He swallowed the sob that clawed at his throat.

“Do you think Tommy would know what to look for? Or do you think he would let you sleep?”

He watched Schlatt test everything he bought before he let him take it. He taught Techno how to test it too, showed him how each test worked. 

When he got home, he did a line and stashed it away inside the box springs of his bed. He laid down, taking a deep breath and staring at the ceiling. He started to calm down a bit more as the high settled in. The agreement was that Techno could only buy from Schlatt, and Schlatt would monitor his usage to ensure he wasn’t at risk of overdosing. Technoblade had sworn that he wouldn’t take more than they had discussed each day.

The only problem was that Techno was out of money. He had spent everything he had saved from his summer job, everything he’d gotten for his birthday. The thought of not being able to buy more made his guts squirm.

Phil wouldn’t be home until five, at least. He got in his car and drove to the CVS where he’d worked over the summer. He found his old manager easily and worked through the anxiety of the social interaction. They were still understaffed, which was good news for Techno.

He’d start work the following week.

When he got home, he noticed a text on his phone.

karljacobs: hey did everything go ok? :0

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Yeah sorry I forgot to let you know

karljacobs: oh ok good :D r you free to hang out rn?

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Yeah sure I gotta be home by like five thoigh

karljacobs: ok sweet could you pick me up from school? i don’t have a ride and i was thinking we should go to the skate park

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Sounds good :) omw 

“So can you skate?” Karl asked, hopping in the passenger seat.

“I can, but I gave my only board to Quackity last year.” Techno said, pulling out of the school parking lot.

“Oh, really? Why?” He questioned, buckling his seatbelt.

“His got ran over by a car and broke, I was kinda over it by then, so I gave mine to him.” Techno shrugged.

“Oh, that’s nice. Is it the one with the crown sticker?” 

“Mhm”, Techno said, tapping the plastic crown that dangled from his rear view mirror. “It was my thing back in middle school. Me, Skeppy, and Bad had a little club where we pretended to be kings of different nations and stuff in D&D. I beat them both in combat and took over their nations, so I became the one king to rule them all.” 

“That’s so cool!” Karl grinned.

Techno felt a smile tug on his lips. “Yeah, it was fun. It was where I got my name, too. Skeppy helped me choose it. It was my character’s name and I just… took it.”

Karl beamed. “Dude, what? That’s so cool! I mean, your name has always been cool, but I didn’t know you got it from D&D!”

He laughed a little. “Yeah, I guess I did. I mean, that’s where Skeppy and Bad got their names, too. Do you even know their real names?”

Karl thought it over. “No, I don’t think I do, actually.”

“Heh, well I’m not gonna tell you, that’d feel like a betrayal. But you get the idea.”

“I do. That’s really cool.”

“Thanks.”

“So what was your character? Like, race, class?”

“Uh, I believe he was a half-orc barbarian. Skeppy was a diamond warforged wizard, and Bad was a tiefling paladin.” Techno bit his lip as he thought.

“Dude, that’s so cool. Were you ever in Dream’s campaign that he did in early high school?” Karl asked.

“I was, actually. I joined at Tommy and Wilbur’s behest.” He pulled to a stop on the side of the road by the skate park.  
“Tommy didn’t speak to me for an entire week when I killed Tubbo’s character.” He laughed a little.

“Aw, that’s cute.” Karl grinned. 

“It was a little annoying during dinners, he’d just pretend he didn’t hear me when I asked for salt and butter and stuff.” Techno huffed and got out of the car, locking it behind them.

“That does sound like it would get old.” Karl said, slinging his backpack over one shoulder and walking in with Techno.

The skate park was really only a few basins and benches, only a few small groups of people were there.

Near the center of the skate park stood a figure that both boys recognized. Punz stood with his hands in the pockets of his shorts, hood pulled up and hair swooping out the front. Techno followed his line of sight down the basin to find his brother, Purpled, right as he fell off his board and ate shit.

"You good?" Punz shouted after laughing to himself for a bit.

"Wanna take a guess?" Purpled called back, pushing himself off the cement and idling to stare at his palms, presumably now scraped.

Techno tensed, looking at Karl. “Should we stay here? I feel like Punz is not a fan of me.” 

“Um… I don’t know, I know he’s friends with Dream, but maybe it’ll be fine?” Karl shrugged, brows furrowed.

Techno glanced at Punz again, his heart sinking when he made the mistake of meeting his eyes.

Punz’s eyes sharpened and he stormed over, focus shifting between Techno and Karl all the while. "The fuck is this, Karl?"

Karl stepped back, eyes wide. “Uh, what- what is what?” He asked.

Techno watched them warily, his body shifting into a casually defensive position.

"You know exactly what. Now, what we're not gonna do, is hang out with the dude who beat the shit out of Dream," Punz gestured his thumb to Techno. "Why are you with this fucker, anyways?"

“I’m- he’s- he’s not that bad, Punz, y-you don’t know the whole story.” Karl insisted, shrinking back.

“Look, we’re just gonna leave, okay?” Techno spoke up, trying to defuse the situation. “Karl, come on.”

"No, Karl, I thought we all agreed when Techno broke Dream's fucking nose that we weren't gonna associate with him anymore? At all?" He took another step forward. "You can leave, Tech. But I gotta talk to Karl."

Techno was between the two immediately.  
“Your problem is with me, not him. We’re leavin’, and you’re lettin’ us.”

"Or else what?" Punz scoffed. "You gonna break my nose, too? What'll that make- five?"

Techno faltered- how did he know that? He forced his expression back into a stern glare.  
“I’d rather not. Karl, go get in the car.” He handed his keys to him.

Karl looked between the two, eyes wide and frightened, then took them and ran to the car.

Techno stood in front of Punz to prevent him from chasing.

Punz rolled his eyes, and didn't back down. Instead, he came right up to Techno, and gave him a shove. "The hell is your problem, man?"

Techno didn’t even budge. He clicked his jaw to the side, fists balling. “What’s my problem?” He laughed a little.  
“Jesus, man, I dunno. People say I’m a little hot-headed.” His eyes lit up with his grin as he slammed his fist into the side of Punz’s face, a crack like lightning.

Punz stumbled back, but didn't lose his footing. "You know what, Tech?" He brought a hand to his cheek, rubbing the spot. "Some people say the same about me." With better form than anybody else Techno had gotten into a fist-fight with, Punz swung, mirroring the knock Techno got at his face. His other fist stayed steady in front of his chest, playing defense.

Techno cringed at the pain, but shook his head and steadied himself again. He stared at Punz for a second, his brown eyes shadowed with rage. The next punch was a diversion, a swing from the side to distract him from the heavy kick to his shins. As soon as Punz lost his footing, Techno slammed against him to knock him down. With Punz on the floor, it was easy to bring his boot down on his chest with a stomp, his grin only splitting his face wider as he heard something crack.

Punz coughed as the air was squeezed from him by Techno's boot. He still had it in him to grip Techno's calf and yank. Hard.

It took him by surprise and he lost his own footing, falling too. It only took a moment for him to scramble onto Punz, pinning him, grabbing the collar of his shirt, and slamming a hard hit into his face. He felt the cartilage in his nose shatter like a bottle.

"Fuck!" Punz shouted at the sensation, but adrenaline directed his hands to Technoblade's neck. Despite Techno's efforts to yank his hands off, they were equal enough in strength, and Punz's thumb was pressing down on his windpipe.

Techno tried to gasp a breath, prying at Punz’s hands around his neck. He realised it wasn’t working, so he slammed his fist into his broken nose again. For the second that his hands were loose, Techno rolled off him, panting on his hands and knees, one hand gently rubbing his neck.  
“You tried to fucking choke me?!” He shouted at Punz, his voice hoarse.

"Eye for an eye, bitch!" Punz clutched his nose. "Someone's gotta put you in your place!" He sat up, about to make another move on Techno, before he spotted Purpled running over, having finally realized his audience was gone.

"What the shit?" The sophomore gawked. "You two got in a fucking fight?" He stood there, awkward, uninvolved but concerned. He was looking at the both of them, trying to assess the damage.

“Put me in my place?!” Techno growled. “I should fuckin’ kill you, Punz.” He got to his feet, stumbling a little.

"Yeah, I bet you'd wanna do that, huh?" Punz spat, pressing his sleeve against his bleeding nose as he stood.

"Okay, no, Punz? We're not doing this," Purpled stepped between the two, facing his brother. He held his arms wide to act as a barrier.

"He broke my nose! Gimme one reason I shouldn't!"

"Because you were going months strong in therapy! Come on, dude, I shouldn't have to be the one to explain this to you.”

"Shut the fuck up. Please, just move," he gave his brother a dangerous look.

Techno watched the two, his chest heaving as he panted. “I’m leavin’. If I hear that you fucked with Karl, I’m fuckin’ comin’ for you.” He spat off to the side and wiped his mouth.

"I'd like to see you try, bitch," Punz's voice dripped with violent intent. "Purpled? Let's go grab our boards." He put a hand on his brother's shoulder, and gave Techno one last heavy glare. Purpled glanced at Techno with eyes that looked apologetic, more than anything. The two of them walked away.

Techno stared for a moment longer, then huffed and went to his car. He got in the front seat without a word- he didn’t have to look at Karl to know that he was shaking with fear.

“I’m gonna drive you home.” Techno said, pulling out onto the road.

“Um, yeah, th-that sounds good.” Karl muttered.

The water turned a diluted red as he washed his hands, Punz’s blood flowing down the drain. Techno stared at himself in the mirror. He took a deep breath, then let it out. There was a bruise forming on his cheek. His throat was still raw. He went to his room and closed the door behind him.

His eyes fluttered as the heroin shot through his nose, and he felt the pain he held within him wash away.

Techno stared at his popcorn ceiling, eyes half-lidded as he faded in and out of consciousness.

He couldn’t find a single pattern.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on twt:  
> https://twitter.com/wallacenvomit
> 
> join the catalyst series discord server:  
> https://discord.gg/7RKdZUbxFd


	15. fond boy, with a flower in his heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fluff chapter

The shouting that jarred him from sleep made him want to throw up. It ricocheted through the house like slamming doors and heavy punches.

“You don’t care about me!” Techno recognised Wilbur’s shrill tone, the way it cracked like it only did when he was crying. “You’ve never fucking cared about me, never!” 

It was still dark out, but light crept under Techno’s bedroom door, showing the kitchen was illuminated downstairs. He shook himself awake and pulled on a pair of sweatpants before he left his room. 

Tommy met his eyes, the youngest son cowering behind his door. Techno froze, staring back.

Something shattered downstairs.

“Stay in your room. It’ll be okay”, Techno whispered. Tommy gave a frightened nod, swallowing the lump in his throat.

Phil and Wilbur stood at opposite ends of the kitchen, both of them red in the face with tight fists balled at their sides. Wilbur held half of a shattered bottle of vodka in one hand.

“Techno, call the police.” Phil ordered the moment he saw him.

“You hate me!” Wilbur screamed, tears slipping down his cheeks. “You hate me, you’ve never cared about me!” He stepped forward, his hand shifting to grip the neck of the bottle tighter.

Techno put himself between the two immediately, closer to Wilbur, holding his hands out cautiously. “Wilbur, listen, it’s okay, can you listen to my voice?”

“He wants me dead, Techno! He wants me fucking dead!” Wilbur shrieked, waving the glass as a threat.

Techno watched him for a moment. His nose was bleeding, his eyes dilated and his hands shaking.  
“Wilbur, I don’t want you dead. I care about you, I love you, okay? Can you put the bottle down so you don’t hurt anyone?” He took a small step forwards.

Wilbur stared at him, panting, the blood from his nose staining his teeth. “How do I know you won’t call the cops too?”

“I’m an anarchist, Wilbur. I wouldn’t call the cops if my own life depended on it”, Techno offered a weak laugh.

His brother hesitated, his eyes darting between Techno and Phil, before slowly handing Techno the broken bottle.

“Thank you, Wil. Are you okay?” Techno set the glass on the counter and took Wilbur’s hand, pulling him closer.

Wilbur choked back a sob. “H-He hates me”, he said, letting Techno fold him into a gentle hug. “He hates me, he said it.”

“I didn’t say I hate you”, Phil whispered, still partially stunned silent.

“You did! You did, Phil! You-“

“I said I hate what you’re becoming!” Phil shouted.

“Don’t yell at him, Phil!” Techno shouted back, turning to fix a glare on his father. “You can’t see he’s havin’ a fuckin’ breakdown?!”

Phil stared, his breaths still heavy. “He- he tried to rob us, Techno. He was taking the fine china.”

“I don’t care, Phil, he’s your son!”

Techno was gentle as he wiped the blood from Wilbur’s face, gave him a glass of water to get it out of his mouth. He sighed and stood again, backing up to look at his father and his brother at the same time.

“Okay, what’s going on?” He asked. 

“I-I just needed a little money”, Wilbur said, sniffling.

“So you decided to steal my mother’s antique china?” Phil glared at his son.

“Phil, leave him alone”, Techno sighed.

Phil stared at him for a moment. As the adrenaline faded, Techno realised he shouldn’t have said that.

“Technoblade, I don’t know what has gotten into you lately, but I am your father, and you will listen to me.” Phil’s tone was dead serious. “You will regret the next time you undermine my authority.”

Techno swallowed the lump in his throat, his eyes wide. He could still feel the fear that came with Phil raising a hand to hit him.

“Sit down, Techno.” Phil ordered.

Techno did as he was told.

Phil watched the two for a moment, his fists still balled. “Wilbur, you tried to rob me.”

Wilbur sniffled and wiped his eyes. “I-I only need a couple hundred dollars”, he insisted.

“Yeah, Wilbur? What do you need it for? Hm?” Phil glared at his eldest son.

He shifted uncomfortably in his gaze, hot shame burning his shoulders. “I-I only need a couple hundred dollars”, he whispered.

“What for, Wilbur?”

Techno felt the second pass like hours. He could feel his brother shaking on the couch beside him.

“I miss you”, Wilbur’s voice cracked on a choked back sob.

The other two looked at him, not having expected the words.

“I always wonder if you’re proud of me.”

The silence was suffocating. Phil’s stare was painfully harsh.

“Proud of you? Proud of you, for trying to rob me? Proud of you, for becoming a literal cocaine addict?” Phil scoffed. “You’re not the Wilbur I knew. You’ve fallen off the edge.”

“I’m sorry things got so hard”, Techno whispered. The sun was just below the horizon, threatening to rise, as the two brothers sat on the front doorstep.

Wilbur sniffled and shrugged. His cheeks were stained with tears, he took a short drag from his cig and blew it out again.  
“I really thought… I really thought he cared about me.” He swallowed a sob. “I guess I was wrong again.”

Techno stared at his brother. He quietly took Wilbur’s free hand. It was thin, bony and angular. Pale. He felt sick in every way. He gently rubbed it, trying to soothe him.  
“He’s in a dark place”, he whispered. “When it gets dark, people lash out in search of others. You know this better than anyone.”

“It’s f-fucking stupid. I really love him, you know? I really- I really think of him as my dad. It j-just…” Wilbur covered his face with his hand, forcing back a cry. “It hurts so much that h-he doesn’t think of me as his son.”

Techno nodded, letting his brother’s shoulders shake as he pushed away another meltdown.   
“You’ll always be my brother, Wilbur.”

That ripped a sob out of him, which he quickly muffled with a slender fingered hand. 

“I mean it. You mean the world to me, Wilbur. You and Tommy.” Techno said, holding his hand tighter. “You guys are my heart.”

Techno took a deep breath, then let it out through his nose. He went back into the house and headed upstairs- Phil was nowhere to be seen. He quietly knocked on Tommy’s door.

“Toms? Can I come in?”

Techno waited for a response, but did not receive one. Tommy's door, although shut, was not locked.

He hesitated, then opened it and peered inside.

Tommy was face-down on his bed, underneath the heavy comforter, headphones pulled over his ears. He didn't stir a bit as Techno entered, though he may have sniffled into his pillow.

Techno took one more glance at Phil’s bedroom door before he closed Tommy’s behind him.  
“Tommy?” He put a gentle hand on the lump of blankets.  
“Tommy, are you okay?” He whispered.

Tommy startled, sitting up and nearly throwing his headphones off in one motion. His eyes were puffy.  
"Yeah, I'm good. No, yeah." He wiped his nose with the back of his hand.

He stared for a moment. “Can I sit with you?”

"Uh... I guess?" Tommy shrugged, pulling his phone out from under his pillow so he could pause his music.

Techno sat on the bed beside Tommy, pulling his feet under himself to sit cross-legged.   
“Is there… anythin’ I can do to help? Like, would a hug be good?”

"Yeah, uh... a hug sounds good, actually." He leaned towards his brother, staring off into space.

He pulled Tommy into his lap, holding him close and letting him rest his face in the crook of his neck.   
“I’m so sorry we don’t have a better family”, he whispered.

Tommy opted not to respond to that. He wasn't sure if there was anything he could say that wouldn't hurt Techno.  
“Wilbur finally visited, huh?" he asked instead.

Techno sighed. “Yeah. I think it was for the last time, though. Phil took his house keys.”

"So, it went well?" Tommy smiled into Techno's skin.

He huffed. “Sure, you could say that.” 

For a while, the two just sat together quietly. Techno rested his own head on Tommy’s shoulder, letting his eyes slip closed.

“He basically all but legally disowned him. Just because he needed money. It- god, it’s not fuckin’ fair, y’know? Wilbur deserves better. He- He deserves support, not to be fuckin’ kicked out permanently.” Techno couldn’t stop the way his voice broke on every word as tears threatened to slip from his eyes. He took a deep, shuddering breath.   
“I don’t have work or school on Wednesday. I’m going to drive up to his college to visit him.”

"Can I come with?" Tommy asked immediately, barely letting Techno finish. "I'm pissed I didn't get to see him last night."

“Yeah, yeah, of course. We’ll call in school for you and everything. If we get busted, I’ll take the fall. I kidnapped you, alright?” Techno offered an uneasy grin.

"Oh, now I'm getting kidnapped? Can cross that one off the bucket list," he jeered. "Dad's not coming with, I assume?"

Techno gritted his teeth. “No, Phil isn’t coming with.” He forced himself to take a deep breath. “He’s- I am not happy with him right now.”

"Neither am I," Tommy assured. "And... one day, you're gonna move out, and it's gonna be just me and him here, huh?"

He faltered. For a moment, he stared at the blankets, the cogs in his brain trying to turn.  
“I… I won’t leave you alone here with him, Tommy. He’d have to fuckin’ kick me out, okay?”

"I can't make you stay here, though. I'd rather kill myself," Tommy, once again, fell victim to his mouth working faster than his mind, but it wasn't a genuine sentiment. He was fairly certain it was nothing more than a joke.

Techno felt his heart drop.  
“Don’t say that, Tommy.” He held his brother tighter. “Please don’t fuckin’ say that, Tommy.”

"It was a joke," he whined. "Didn't mean it, Tech... I'm sorry." Tommy hesitated. "What does it... feel like, though? To reach that point?"

He bit back the lump in his throat. He took a shaky breath and rested his forehead on his younger brother’s shoulder.  
“It feels like… nothin’ is worth it anymore. Like, no matter how much fun you’ve had in the past, no matter how many people love you… it’s just not worth it anymore. Like nothin’ could be worth livin’ in a world that hurt so much.”

"So... does the heroin and shit make it feel worth it?" His voice was small.

Techno shook his head, feeling a tear slip down his cheek. “Only at first”, he whispered. “It doesn’t last.” He held him closer. “It never lasts.”

"For a little while then, huh?" Tommy swallowed down the lump that was rising in his throat. "Why, uh... why do you keep going now, then? Genuinely curious."

For a while, Techno was quiet, holding his brother close, like if he let go it would all be over.  
“I don’t want to hurt you, Tommy.”

"We should-" he managed to cut himself off for once. "Oh, no, that was a bad joke that I'm not gonna say." He let himself be held closer, reveling in the feeling of affection. He had been so starved of it for what felt like years.

Techno snorted a laugh. “Thank you for sparing me, Tommy.” He gently nuzzled his head against Tommy’s.   
“Do you wanna get breakfast? If we wait until Phil leaves, we can go to a diner or somethin’. He should be leavin’ in like twenty minutes.”

"That sounds pretty good, actually," Tommy swayed side to side in Techno's grasp, a happy motion. "And uh... thanks for hanging on for me. Yeah."

He felt his heart rush at the words, he bit his lip to hold back tears.   
“Thank you givin’ me somethin’ to hang on to”, he whispered.

Techno ordered a black coffee and hash browns, and he explained the premise of Dante’s Divine Comedy while they waited for the food.  
“But the thing is, like, even seven hundred years after it was written, it’s still referenced. C. S. Lewis and T. S. Elliot both took inspiration- Elliot even went as far as to say that it makes up, like, half of the literary world, the other half belonging to Shakespeare.” Techno said, a grin playing on his lips and his hands gesturing as he spoke.

Tommy nodded along, though he wasn't processing most of what his brother said. The least he could do was make it look like he was paying attention.  
"I could see that, probably," Tommy leaned back in the booth with his arms crossed. "And it's just... all about this dude escaping Hell, right?"

Techno clicked his teeth and sucked air in through them. “Eh… I mean, if you want to be very… reductive about it.”  
He perked up as the waiter set the food down on the table, mumbled a thank you, and started eating. As he sipped his coffee, his eyes caught on a bright colored jacket in the far corner of the diner.  
“Oh, shit. That’s Karl and Quackity.”

"Shit, what?" Tommy ducked down a bit, cutting his pancakes. "Is that bad? Wait, no, you're friends with Karl, right?"

He thought it over. “I am… friends with Karl, yes. I don’t know Quackity’s opinion on me.” He hummed and took a bite of his hash browns.   
“I mean, I kinda fucked up last time I hung out with Karl, actually. We might not be on great terms, now that I think about it.”

"Huh? What'd you do?" Tommy raised an eyebrow, before shoveling food into his mouth.

“Uh…” Techno bit back a grin. “I, uh, broke Punz’s nose.” He stifled a laugh.

"You what?" Tommy sat back up straight and almost shouted through the mouthful. He put a hand over his lips so he could continue talking. "Am I allowed to laugh? Are- are him and Dream still close?"

Techno snickered. “Yeah, you can laugh. I guess they’re pretty close.” He sipped his coffee to hide his smile. “I think I broke a rib or two, too.”

"Holy shit, Techno. What if Dream drops me over this?" Tommy went back to whisper-shouting.

He paused. “Oh”, he mumbled. “I… hadn’t considered that.” Techno leaned back in his seat, sipping his coffee.   
“I mean, he probably won’t? He didn’t drop you over me breakin’ his own nose, why would Punz be the last straw?”

"That's a good... holy shit I was gonna try and befriend Purpled." Tommy looked up at Techno, pursing his lips to fight a smile. "Hey, man, so I get that my brother broke your brother’s nose, but I was wondering if you wanted to kick my ass in bedwars later?"

Techno stifled another laugh. “Tommy, I don’t think we should be laughin’ about this… he’ll never smell the same.” He erupted into giggles over his own joke.

Tommy's cheeks puffed up, and he had to hit the table a few times. "How will he- how will he ever live happily again? No one nose." At this, the dam broke, and Tommy let his rambunctious laugh flood the diner.

Techno laughed too, a loud, high pitched sound as he slammed his fist on the table.

“Technoblade and TommyInnit! How are you, my friends?” Techno startled, looking up to see Quackity standing by their table, Karl hovering behind him.

“Oh, uh, Quackity, hello”, Techno offered a weak grin.

"My man!" Tommy managed out past a wheeze. He wiped a tear from his eye and smiled up at Quackity and Karl. He didn't know the upperclassmen very well, but was acquainted enough with seniors to charm his way through the interaction. "We're doing just fine! What brings you two to our table?"

“I was just wondering if I could talk to Technoblade, actually. Would you mind stepping outside for a second?” Quackity flashed a grin at the older brother.

Techno hesitated, then stood. “I’ll be right back, Tommy”, he gave him a reassuring smile. Techno followed the other outside into the parking lot, where Quackity pulled out a vape and offered him a hit.  
“No thanks, I’ve got my own.” Techno said, following in suit and lighting a cigarette for himself. “So, is there uh, a reason you’ve called me out here? Have I wronged you in some way?”

Quackity stared at him for a moment, quiet, as he let vapor billow out from between his lips. “I don’t know how to feel about you, Technoblade.”

Techno raised an eyebrow. “You don’t?”

“Nah, you’re making it difficult. On one hand, you stood up for Karl. On the other hand, he shouldn’t‘a been doing stuff that would warrant someone standin’ up for him in the first place. I was under the impression you two hadn’t spoken since your fight with Dream.” Quackity said.

“That’s about a month and a half of failure to communicate. Do you guys need a marriage counselor?” Techno raised an eyebrow as he took a drag and let it out.

Quackity gritted his teeth. “Don’t make jokes with me, Technoblade. Just because I don’t know how to feel about you yet doesn’t mean my decision will be in your favor.”

Techno eyed him for a moment, unimpressed. “Do you honestly think you could take me?”

“I’d be willing.” Quackity glared right back.

A moment passed in silence.

“Look, I don’t have any problems with you. Karl is my friend, he’s your boyfriend, or… something. We have common ground. I don’t want any more enemies.” Techno said, finishing his cig and putting it out under his boots.

Quackity stared for a moment, then huffed. “Alright, fine.”

“Let’s go back inside, I’ll buy you some pancakes or somethin’. A celebration of unity.” Techno offered a grin.

He let out a little laugh. “I don’t need your handouts, man.”

When they returned, Tommy and Karl were sat side-by-side in the Watson's booth. They both had napkins tucked under their glasses of soda, and they seemed to be having fun just blowing bubbles through their straws. Coke was definitely pouring down the sides of Tommy's cup.

"Oh, your hot date is back," Tommy nudged Karl with his elbow upon hearing the door's bell ring.

Karl beamed and waved the two over.   
“Look, look! Okay, Tommy, three, two, one!” He started blowing bubbles again, him and Tommy doing it in synch.

Techno and Quackity stared for a moment, before Quackity burst out in laughter. “Is that fucking Megalovania?!”

Techno’s eyes shot open, “Wait, is it?”

Karl pulled away and nodded, giggling. “We figured out how to play Megalovania with bubbles!”

"Pretty cool, innit?" Tommy beamed. "It was my idea."

Techno huffed a laugh and sat at the table again, Quackity sliding in beside him. “You made a mess, but yeah, that was pretty cool. Can you do ‘Never Gonna Give You Up?’”

Quackity laughed, “What are you, forty?”

Techno guffawed. “What? Alex, I’m barely half a year older than you! Rickrolling is funny!”

“Nah, listen, man, it is so inspirational that you can still remember memes from your childhood, even at such an old age.”

"Yeah, yeah, hold on." Tommy cleared his throat as though he were about to sing, and went back at the bubbles. He drummed his hands on the table to go along with it, too.

Techno grinned. “Thank you, Tommy. I’m glad somebody appreciates real humor.”

The rest of the day was a sunflower gently swaying in the breeze. Techno exchanged a few texts with Wilbur, checking that he had gotten back to his campus safely. He had, and his roommate was helping him with his hangover.

Tommy was behind on a few history assignments, and Techno was happy to help. They played Minecraft in Tommy’s room for a few hours, working on the Watson server. By the time the sun set, they had twenty-six netherite ingots between the two of them.

At around ten at night, they started to get hungry.

“Okay, so, before you knock it, I do make a mean baked potato,” Techno suggested, cracking open a Monster as they settled into the kitchen.

"Hey, who ever said I was knocking it?" Tommy had a can of Coke for himself. "I do wanna try it, though. And if it's shit, I get your new sword."

Techno grinned. “Alright, do you know how to caramelise onions?” He fetched a few potatoes out of the cupboard and started washing them.

"Psh, no," he watched as Techno got to work with the potatoes. "I think dad wanted me to take a cooking class this year, and then I just... didn't."

He sighed. “Okay, I’m gonna teach you, then. I can’t help but feel I took on the role of a daughter in this family because I have the longest hair.” Techno joked, taking some red onions out of the fridge.

"Hey, no one asked you to learn to cook," he rebutted. "...Was that sexist of me to say?"

Techno wheezed and doubled over, holding onto the counter. “Oh my god, Tommy”, he laughed, barely breathing.

"What? What!?" He squawked. "Hey, no! It doesn't count! I was once of the woman variety myself, you know!"

He fell to his knees, laughing so hard his face turned red.  
“Tommy, Tommy, you can’t-“

The front door clicked open. Techno stood and stared as Phil came in, leaning against the same man he had seen once before.

“Shit. Uh, Technoblade, right? You look strong, could you gimme a hand getting your dad upstairs?” Jimmy offered a weak grin.

“I c’n fuckin’ walk m’self, Jim”, Phil growled, pushing away from the man and stumbling towards the stairs. Techno caught him just as he started to fall, his nose burning at the stench of hard liquor.

“Okay, come on, Phil”, Techno mumbled, biting back the lump in his throat and the shake to his hands. He pulled one of his father’s arms over his shoulders and started to walk him upstairs. 

The guy, Jimmy, just watched with a grimace. His gaze shifted to Tommy and the grimace worsened.   
“Do you and your brother want a pizza? I could buy you a pizza.” He offered.

Tommy looked at the pair on the stairs, then back at Jimmy, eyebrows furrowed. "Me and Tech were cooking, actually." His tone was awfully defensive, but he was sick of having his good days ruined by little disasters cropping up. Like nausea he couldn't purge.

Jimmy hesitated, then nodded. “You go to the same school as Karl, right? Karl Jacobs?”

"Yeah... had breakfast with him earlier," Tommy shoved his hands in his pockets. "Why?"

“Right, uh, friends of family, and whatnot… if you ever, um… need a place to stay, you can text him and I can come pick you up, okay? I have two spare bedrooms in my apartment.”

"What? Do you know Karl or something?"

“Oh, I’m his uncle. My brother is his dad.” Jimmy explained with an uneasy grin. “Just, y’know, if… if you ever need a place to stay. My door is open. You and your brother.”

"Ohhh..." Tommy gave an understanding nod. "Okay. Thank you, Mr. Karl's uncle. So, is Karl gonna be my step-cousin soon, or what's going on here?"

He did a double-take and blinked. “I- What? No, Phil and I aren’t- we’re not-“ he stared at Tommy, then swallowed his nerves. “I should head out, it’s late. Have a nice night, okay?” He offered a sheepish grin and a wave as he turned to leave.

"Farewell, Mr. Karl's uncle." He had stayed quite deadpan throughout the interaction.

He wasn't much in the business of trusting the man that always brought Phil home drunk.

A shout sounded from upstairs, then muffled yelling. A door slammed. Techno went downstairs and back into the kitchen, where he continued washing the potatoes.

“Don’t ever start drinking, Tommy”, he whispered.

Tommy thought about confessing the rum and wine and vodka Dream and his friends had introduced Tommy to. He thought about showing trust to his brother, his brother who gave him so much. Maybe he could even mention the nicotine, and the weed, all the little things he was now dabbling in.

The honesty died on his tongue instead. "I promise I won't, big man."

Techno nodded, his voice a quiet rasp. “Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on twt:  
> https://twitter.com/wallacenvomit
> 
> join the catalyst series discord server:  
> https://discord.gg/7RKdZUbxFd


	16. never should've let you bite me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> techno and tommy visit wilbur at his college :D

The drive to Wilbur’s campus was an arduous two hours, and Techno made the mistake of letting Tommy choose the music. After an hour of Eminem and Aesop Rock, Techno pulled into a gas station to refill and put his own music on.   
“Can you run in and get a Tiger’s Milk bar and a Monster? Here, take ten bucks and get something for yourself too.” Techno handed Tommy a bill as he got out to refill the tank.

Tommy agreed to the task and set off into the small convenience store.

After holding a milk bar in one hand, and a Monster in the other, Tommy wandered the fluorescent aisles, eyes scanning for something for himself to enjoy. When he picked up a king-sized Kit Kat package, it came as second nature to stuff it away in his hoodie pocket. He did the same to the milk bar, telling himself he could just buy the two drinks.

He walked to the fridge section, and let the conversation with Techno play out in his head. His justification for why he'd hand back so much money- shit was just on sale. He took a cold bottle of Coke from the shelf and took a moment to ponder why he was so adamant about stealing the snacks. He could pay for them.

Guilty sneakers carried him and his conscience to the counter. He set down the can and bottle and took out the ten-dollar bill to pay.

The cashier lifted an eyebrow while scanning the items. "Is that all?"

"Uh, yeah," the question caught Tommy off-guard. Usually, gas station clerks weren't so talkative.

"You're sure?"

They usually weren't so pressing, either. "Yes, I'm sure."

"Son, I saw you," the man nodded his head to Tommy's pocket. "What do you have in there? Candy?"

Red hot shame burned away at Tommy's face as he emptied his pocket of the Tiger's Milk Bar and Kit Kat. The clerk nodded.

"You know, the ten dollars pays for all this anyways. No need to pocket these."

"I know."

"So why did you?" The silence between the two hung heavy, broken by the beeping of the clerk scanning the final items in. "...Is your mom here with you?"

"My brother."

"Wanna bring him in for me?"

"What?" Tommy crossed his arms. "No. Why would I want that?"

"Kid, I got you stealing on CCTV."

"But I paid for it! Surely that doesn't count."

"You'd be surprised, laws can get tricky." The clerk collected everything in a bag, then held it out of Tommy's reach. "Go get your brother. Then you can have all this."

Tommy stood, staring for a few moments. His heart crashed through his ribcage and sank down low, but he made his way out back into the cool autumn air. He found Techno at his car.

"Technoblade," Tommy's voice was uncharacteristically small. "I... I need you to come in with me."

Techno looked down at him, raising an eyebrow.   
“Why? Did they try to card you for the Monster?” He huffed a laugh.

Tommy just shook his head, looking down at the ground. He scuffed his shoe against the asphalt.

He faltered, then put the nozzle back in its holder and locked his car. Techno followed Tommy inside, his mind reeling as he tried to figure out what was going on.

The clerk smiled when they entered, and handed the bag to Techno as he approached the counter. "Hi. Your brother here just tried to steal this stuff. I caught him, of course, and he ended up paying for everything. I'm not gonna press charges, but..." he glanced back at Tommy, now stood behind Techno, "you and your parents should know that he's doing this, I think."

“Oh my god, okay. Yeah, I’ll definitely let our mom know. I’m so sorry sir, thank you for not pressing charges, it won’t happen again.” Techno offered an apologetic grin and took the bag.

"Of course, thank you. Now scram," the man smiled, waving them out of the place.

Tommy wasn't sure if he could hate a smile more.

"Tech, I'm really sorry," he mumbled once they were out of the store.

Techno flicked the back of his brother’s head.   
“Don’t shoplift while you’re already skippin’ school, moron. You’ll get a double whammy if you get caught.” He got into the car and pulled out of the gas station once Tommy was in and buckled up too.  
“What happened to you not doin’ shit I told you I did?”

"I-I'm not doing it because of you," Tommy argued. "I just hoped you wouldn't care. Aren't you an anarchist?"

“Sure I am, but stealin’ candy and shit from a gas station isn’t exactly direct action. You gotta get better about keepin’ an eye out for cameras, okay? And never steal from Target. In fact- you know what? How about this, if I give you rules that kept me from gettin’ caught will you follow them?”

This was exactly why Tommy was cocky enough to shoplift on a trip with Techno in the first place. He knew there'd be no real repercussions from his brother if he got caught.

Tommy nodded. "Let's hear 'em, big man."

“Okay, so, don’t steal from Target, because they let you think you got away with it and then once you’ve stolen enough, they sue you. Hot Topic is the best place at the mall to steal from because not a single one has cameras. If you’re at the mall, get a cup of lemonade from a Wetzel’s Pretzels or something, empty it and dry the inside. That can fit a bunch of small stuff and no one will question it. Don’t ever steal from mom and pop shops or non-profit organizations like Goodwill. It’s fine to steal from Salvation Army, though, because they lobby against LGBT rights. The phone trick works with small items every time, it’s especially convenient for places like CVS where there are more cameras. Do you know the phone trick?” Techno rambled on for a while, before looking over at Tommy.

"Yeah, I saw it on Tiktok," he nodded.

Techno stared at him for a moment. “You learned… a shoplifting trick… from Tiktok?”

"Eyes on the road," he smirked. "Why yes, I did. Is there an issue?"

He blinked and focused back on the road. “I- I dunno, that’s just fucked up. Like, I learned that from Schlatt, who learned it from his dealer before he started dealing. And you learned it from… Tiktok.” He hummed. “I can’t help but feel like shoplifting is being… gentrified.”

Tommy leaned forward from how hard he laughed. "Well, I didn't know the... the Target or Salvation Army things! There. Ungentrificated. Ungentrified? Come on, help me out, what's the word?"

Techno just hummed again and handed Tommy his phone after unlocking it.   
“Put on the Painful Lies playlist,” he instructed.

"Aww, I don't get to choose the tunes anymore?" Tommy had honestly tried to open Spotify, but found himself in Techno's Discord by accident. While he was here... he thought a quick little peek at his messages wouldn't hurt.

The open conversation was with Schlatt from a few days ago.

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Can I pick up?

jschlatt: you’re out?

TechnoBlade Never Dies: I will be tomorrow, I’m almost out of newports too. 

jschlatt: hm ok

TechnoBlade Never Dies: 3 gs? 

jschlatt: 456

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Ok cool omw 

“The Painful Lies playlist. It’s on Spotify. What’re you doing?” Techno asked, his eyes still on the road.

"Sorry, I was just looking at some of your playlists." He figured that'd be better to get caught with than snooping through Techno's texts. Of course, it was about buying from Schlatt. Why wouldn't it be? Tommy switched apps, barely containing the sudden flurry of anger he felt.

Techno told him it was a one-time thing.

"These names are all cringe," Tommy teased, before pressing the one his brother requested. The music finally started to play over the car speakers, and Tommy felt himself slipping back into that pattern of hating Techno, loving Techno, and then hating him again. Currently, the pendulum was cast on detestation.

Wilbur welcomed them into his dorm with a sheepish grin, pushing aside a few clothes with his foot so they could come inside.   
“How was the drive?” He asked, closing the door behind them.

“Uh, it was fine, how are you doing?” Techno asked, stepping over the mess that covered every inch of the room.

“Oh, I’m, uh… I’m doing… okay.” Wilbur sat on his desk chair and gestured for them to sit on his bed. “You can, uh, move anything you need to to make room.”

Before Tommy went to sit on the bed, he opened his arms to Wilbur, the tiniest smile playing at his lips. "Hey, Wilbur. I missed you."

Wilbur faltered for a moment, then pulled Tommy into a hug.   
“Hey, Toms. I’ve missed you too.” He said, his voice soft. “I’ve missed you a lot.”

"Sorry I sorta- I holed up last time you were over." Tommy pulled away and sat beside Techno on Wilbur's bed. "I just... yeah."

“It’s okay, last time I was over was- it was bad.” Wilbur sat down at the desk chair again.   
“Can I get you guys anything to drink? Tea, juice, booze?” 

“It’s ten in the morning, dude.” Techno stared at his brother.

“That was a joke! Sorry, Jesus.” Wilbur raised his hands defensively.

"Yeah, I'll take some rum, actually," Tommy quipped along. With a knot in his stomach, he realized it might not fully be a joke. Not that he had to disclose that.

Wilbur raised an eyebrow. “Do you actually want some?”

“Wilbur, he’s sixteen,” Techno hissed.

“Yeah, you were too.” Wilbur glared back.  
“Tommy, do you actually want rum?”

Tommy tried to give a nonchalant shrug. He was going to play this cool, holding up his bottle of Coca-Cola. "Do you actually have, like, specifically rum? For a rum and Coke?" If Techno got pissed, he could reason that he was still just joking. He never did know when to let a bit die. It'd be Wilbur's fault for being serious, not his.

“Tommy, what the fuck?” Techno stared at him, his brows furrowed.

Wilbur grinned and winked at Tommy, before standing and going to the bathroom to get the booze.

"I'm joking!" He laughed, quickly trying to cover his tracks. Sure, he was pissed at Techno, but he had just recently promised to never start drinking. A rum and coke sounded good, though.

Maybe he'd just wait until he and Wilbur were alone.

"I swear I'm joking," Tommy promised. "I didn't think he'd actually- I didn't know he'd go grabbin' shit."

Techno watched him for a moment, eyes dead serious.   
“Wilbur, come back, he was joking,” he called.

The eldest returned a moment later, a bottle of rum in hand. “Oh, what? Okay, more for me.” He shrugged and sat down again, taking a swig.

“It’s ten in the morning, dude,” Techno looked at him, wearing a shocked expression.

“Piss off. Do you guys wanna get lunch or anything?” Wilbur asked, his glare fading as he looked from Techno to Tommy.

"Uhh... I mean, yeah, I'm kinda hungry," Tommy picked at his hangnails. "Haven't really eaten today. Are there any good sandwich shops around?"

“There’s a food truck by the cafeteria,” Wilbur suggested, standing and pulling his coat on. “It makes really good sandwiches.” 

Techno huffed a little and stood up too, pulling his jacket closer around himself as they left the dorm. He didn’t miss the last swig Wilbur took from the bottle before he left it at the door.

“So, how’s school going for you two?” Wilbur asked.

“I got expelled,” Techno muttered.

Wilbur stopped in his tracks and turned around. “What?”

“I gave a guy a concussion, so they expelled me.” Techno shrugged, not meeting his eye.

"Me and Tubbo aren't really friends anymore," Tommy supplied. "Oh, but I'm hanging out with Dream now? I dunno. School's kinda boring. Sophomore year is pretty shit, just like, as a concept."

Wilbur stared at the two of them. “What the fuck? You- you gave a guy a concussion? You’re hanging out with Dream? What the fuck is going on with you two?”

Techno shrugged again and kept walking, brushing past Wilbur. “Where’s the food truck?”

Wilbur blinked, trying to process everything. “Uh, it’s… it’s this way.” He said.  
“What happened with you and Tubbo?” He asked, looking at Tommy.

"We, uh... we had a falling out. You know. I was kind of a dick to them, and we just never really made up. I think it's too late to now, anyways." He matched his steps to Wilbur's, strolling along beside his brother. They were similarly lanky. "So I didn't really have any friends...? When Techno got expelled, I started getting bullied again, so Dream sorta swooped in to make sure I stayed safe."

Wilbur stared at the pavement as they walked. “Okay, okay. That… yeah, I get that.” He huffed. “That’s basically exactly what happened with me and Schlatt. Guess you’re taking after me, huh?” He snickered and ruffled Tommy’s hair.

Tommy scoffed out a laugh. "About that! Uh..." Tommy kept his eyes trained on Techno, who had moved ahead a fair bit. His voice lowered, so only Wilbur would hear. "When Tech's not looking, you think- you think you could actually pour me a bit of rum?"

He hesitated. “Don’t make it a habit, yeah?” He pulled a flask out of his coat. “It’s not rum, it’s vodka. You’ll have to wait until we get back to my dorm if you want rum.”

"I'm not gonna," he made an empty promise. "I... wanna wait for the rum. Rum and cokes are good. You can give me some when he goes to the bathroom, yeah?"

Wilbur nodded. “Yeah, of course. You’ve been drinking with Dream, then?” He asked.

Tommy slapped a hand over his mouth, stifling a laugh. "That obvious, huh?"

“Techno’s not an alchy, but from what I’ve heard George is. So it makes sense that you’d be drinking with his boyfriend.” Wilbur shrugged. “It was one or the other.”

"Uh- yeah, I guess. He's got similar taste to you, actually. Wine, rum, and vodka. I've never even tried a beer. Not even a fucking White Claw!" He whisper-shouted, before realizing his volume was getting a little too loud. He shot a glance at Techno up ahead, who seemed to not hear anything. "Full disclosure between brothers, here? I also vape with them. Nic and dabs. Techno... he doesn't know. So please don't tell him."

Wilbur watched his brother for a moment, then sighed. “Your secret is safe with me. You really are a Watson, you know.”

"What- no!" Tommy protested. He knew it was illogical because he was a Watson. Literally and metaphorically. But... "no, I really don't do it that often. It's not like I'm relying on it 'n shit, like you or dad or Tech. It's- it's social, you know? It's different."

“That’s exactly how it starts, Toms. I’d give it a month or two before you become dependent.”

Tommy rolled his eyes. "No, I'll be different. I promise." 

Wilbur scoffed. “You won’t.”

"...Whatever," Tommy mumbled, finally seeing the food truck just ahead. He was delighted to find it selling subs, where he ordered his usual; ham, salami, pepperoni, green pepper, cucumber, lettuce, pickles, all on Italian bread. He hung back and was careful to take a tiny sip of his Coke, wanting to save most of it for later.

The older brothers ordered too, Wilbur getting a ham and cheese and Techno getting a spicy chicken. The walk back to the dorm was quiet. 

“So, how’d you give a guy a concussion?” Wilbur asked as he let them back into the dorm. 

“Kicked him in the head with my docs,” Techno grinned.

“Christ, Techno. That’s kind of fucked up.” Wilbur frowned.

“He was callin’ me names, I think it’s justified.” Techno sat on the bed again and started eating his sandwich.

"Yeah, he was being pretty transphobic," Tommy tilted his head to the side, "I can't blame Techno all too much." He began to dig into his sandwich, too. "But then Techno broke Punz's nose, which in all fairness, is pretty funny."

“Punz? That’s one of Dream’s friends, right?” Wilbur asked, taking a small bite of his sandwich.

“He was being a dick to Karl,” Techno supplied.

“Karl Jacobs? I thought you hated Karl Jacobs.” 

“No, he’s fine. We had math together before I got expelled and he made it a lot easier.”

“Yeah? You like him?” Wilbur raised an eyebrow.

Techno faltered, then glared. “I am not romantically interested in him, no. I enjoy his company as a friend.”

“Hm,” Wilbur shrugged, “Do you really know you’re gay? I mean, have you ever actually dated a guy?”

“Fuck off,” Techno frowned.

“Have you ever dated… anyone?”

“You’re a dick.” Techno scowled at his brother and took a bite of his sandwich.

"Do you really gotta date people to know your sexuality?" Tommy chimed in.

“No, you don’t.” Techno muttered.

Wilbur shrugged. “It helps. I guess it would be more difficult for you two since you’re… y’know.”

“The fuck does that mean?”

“You’re not… naturally charming.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Techno rolled his eyes, “how fucking far up your own ass is your head, dude?”

Wilbur shrugged again. “Sorry, I thought I heard something from someone who’s never had a boyfriend.”

“Yeah? How long do you keep those boyfriends? A week, two?” Techno glared.

Tommy shrugged. "Hey, man, I'm just not really that interested. I'm sure if I really tried, I'd have women flocking me," Tommy joked, trying to keep the atmosphere light.

Wilbur spent another moment glaring at the second eldest, before shifting his gaze to Tommy.  
“Hold on, are you straight?”

Tommy started laughing, loud and obnoxious. He ended up doubling over before he could recover enough to answer. "I don't- I don't know? Again, I don't think about it a whole lot. Never put a label on it."

“You’re sixteen and you don’t know your sexuality yet?” Wilbur scoffed.

“He doesn’t have to know, leave him alone. I didn’t actually settle on being a gay man until last year.” Techno argued.

“What? You didn’t?” 

“Nah, I just said that was what I was because it was easier for people to understand.” Techno shrugged.

“What did you think you were other than that?” Wilbur asked, wrapping his half-eaten sandwich up and setting it on his desk.

“Uh, I thought I was a lesbian for a long time. For like, a year or two, actually.” Techno set his gaze on the floor.

“A lesbian?” Wilbur laughed. “Seriously? After the thing you and Dream had?”

Techno tensed. “Dream and I weren’t anything. We were just friends.”

“Sure.”

“Seriously! He didn’t like me, he- he’s been head over heels for George for like, three years.” Techno grumbled.

“I bet that hurt, didn’t it?” Wilbur sported a cocky grin.

“Can you fuck off, man?” Techno sighed.

"To be fair," Tommy cut in once more, trying to ease the tensions, "I've always been too distracted to date. Between spending all my time with Tubbo, and like... dealing with family stuff, you know?" All of that had just about sapped up every last bit of Tommy's social energy for the past few years.

Wilbur scoffed. “Dealing with family stuff? What’s that supposed to mean?”

"I mean..." Tommy wrapped up the remaining half of his sandwich, planning to save it for later, "things haven't exactly been smooth sailing these past few years. You both know that. There's no need to beat around the bush."

“I mean, for me and Techno, sure. It’s not like you’ve really been involved.” Wilbur shrugged.

Techno stared at him. “Are you fuckin’ serious, Wilbur?”

“What?”

“He found you overdosed, you moron, you think that’s not involved?” Techno scoffed.

Tommy set the sandwich down on the bed beside him, pulling his knees to his chest. "Oh, I don't think I ever told you guys this. I had really bad nightmares for a while after... all of that." He still had bad nightmares, but he didn't want them fussing. He just didn't want to be undermined. "I've gone through my own shit, too. I just don't like talking to you two. You guys are lame," he smiled.

Techno stared at him with soft eyes and furrowed brows. Wilbur looked unimpressed.  
“You know you can talk to me though, right? You can always come to me when you get nightmares and stuff.” Techno assured him.

"Nah, it's- I can deal with them. Thanks, though." Tommy swallowed at Wilbur's general attitude, despising the feeling of being looked down upon. Tommy wasn't as weak or inexperienced as Wilbur seemed to think, and he wished he could prove it. He was caught between wanting to impress the eldest, and not wanting to say anything that would scare Techno.  
So instead, he remembered something else entirely that he wanted to be accomplished that day. "Oh! Technoblade! Did you bring Wilbur's obsidian?"

“Oh, yeah, I did.” He pulled his backpack closer to him and routed around in it for a second.   
“Here. Tommy picked this out for you, you gotta keep it on you. We have our own.” He handed the eldest a small piece of obsidian.

Wilbur took it, staring at it. “What is this?”

"It's a piece of obsidian, like Minecraft. Techno took me to some magic store and I made him buy these for us," he grinned. "So we each have one to remind us of each other, you know? Especially now that you're away at college."

Wilbur stared at it for a few moments, then a smile tugged at his lips. “That’s actually really sweet,” he said, beaming at his brothers.  
“You guys went to a magic shop? Are you infecting him, Tech?”

"Nah, I don't believe in all that stuff," Tommy waved his hand. Then, he recalled Ezekiel's fortune-telling. "... Okay, maybe it's not complete bullshit, but it's not for me. He did make me get my tarot read, though," he pointed a thumb in Techno's direction. "Shit was freaky."

“Really? What’d you get?” Wilbur asked, leaning forward.

“Yeah, what did you get? I don’t think you ever told me.” Techno looked at him too.

"Umm..." he racked his brain for a moment. It was a little hard to recall as someone not interested in divination, but he didn't think he'd ever truly forget those cards. "So, it was past, present, future, right? Like in The Princess and the Frog? I got the Eight of Swords, The Fool reversed, and The Tower," he counted each card off on his fingers.

“Okay, what does that mean?” Wilbur asked, excited.

Techno stared at him in horror. “You got what? You got the fuckin’ Tower? And you didn’t tell me?!”

"Uh- I didn't know it was that bad?" Tommy looked at Techno, a little lost. "If you... if you know what that all means, you can tell Wilbur." He sat back, then, starting to bite his nails.

Techno thought it over for a moment, brows furrowed. “Uh… okay, Eight of Swords is like, you… were hiding or something and now you’re not, The Fool reversed means you’re starting to act without caution and like, put having fun over your own well being. The Tower… The Tower means something really, really bad is going to happen.” Techno looked at Tommy with wide eyes.   
“Like, your entire life fallin’ apart bad.”

Tommy pursed his lips, nodded slowly, then let a smile tug at his features. "Here we go again."

Wilbur hacked a laugh. “I’m putting my bets on alcohol poisoning or getting hit by a car.”

“Wilbur, what the fuck?” Techno looked at him in disgust.

“I’m joking!”

"Oh, those are good ones. But hear me out?" Tommy raised a finger. "Let's kick it up a notch. I wanna be murdered. Wait, no, if I'm gonna die, wouldn't he have pulled that Death card or whatever?"

“Can you two stop?” Techno pleaded. “I get you don’t believe in this stuff, but this is fuckin’ serious!”

“Sorry, Techno. You’ve got a point. We wouldn’t want a wizard to curse him.” Wilbur snorted.

"This is my future, Techno. I'm allowed to laugh about it," Tommy pouted at his brother.

Techno shifted a glare between the two. “Whatever. I’m gonna use the restroom, get it out of your system while I’m gone.” He sighed and stood, heading to the bathroom.

Wilbur waited for the lock to click, then he looked at Tommy with wide eyes and a grin. “Open your Coke, I’ll fill it up.” He whispered.

Tommy nodded, matching his brother's excitement. He opened up his bottle of Coke and passed it over to Wilbur. "I really owe you one, holy shit."

“No problem, Toms. Living with Techno, you need a drink occasionally. Has he tried to beat you up yet?” He asked, filling the bottle to the brim and handing it back.

"Nah, but Dream keeps trying to tell me he will," Tommy took a quick swig and grimaced at the potency, before continuing. "I dunno, I really don't think Techno will beat me up. He's too concerned over me, like, all the time. I think he feels guilty."

Wilbur mirrored him, drinking straight from the bottle. “I wasn’t aware guilt was an emotion he could experience”, he scoffed, “he certainly never showed any remorse against me.”

"That's just it, I think he really does feel bad. I'm like his do-over or something. It's cool, sometimes, because he won't rat me out for stealing and shit. But then he also feels too protective sometimes, you know? Real hypocrite-like."

He hummed and took another drink, before capping the bottle and setting it on his desk.  
“Technoblade? A hypocrite? Now that’s outlandish.” Wilbur laughed.   
“So, listen. You owe me, yeah?”

"...Yes," just like that, Tommy started to feel uneasy about this whole thing. "Why, do you have something in mind already?"

“You know the safe in Phil’s room? The one under his bed?”

"Yeah?" Tommy had snooped around a fair amount while his father wasn't home, he was aware of the safe but never knew its code or contents.

“I just need a couple hundred bucks, he’s got more than that in there. The code is seven four four five. I can drive down there, I just need you to get it out for me. Five or six hundred bucks should work, okay? You can do that for me, right?” Wilbur was leaning forward, his face close to Tommy’s. This close, Tommy could see his eyes were dilated wide, his hands shaking slightly as he spoke.

Tommy blinked. He knew this was a terrible idea.  
"When he figures out, we're both fucking dead, Wilbur."

“He won’t figure it out, Tommy,” Wilbur hissed, his expression suddenly venomous. He faltered for a moment, blinked, and regained his composure.   
“Tommy, I just-“ he gave a small, manic laugh, “I just need a like five hundred bucks.” He swallowed and licked his chapped lips, then met Tommy’s eyes again.  
“If you don’t want to, I can tell Techno what’s in your Coke.” He grinned. “It’s your choice, Toms.”

Tommy swallowed. "I'm not- okay, please don't tell Techno. Because I'm down. But you really don't think he's gonna notice half a grand just... suddenly fucking missing?"

“He doesn’t- he doesn’t check it. It’s for emergencies. This is an emergency. I’ll pick it up tomorrow, okay? You can skip school or something right?”

"Okay, yeah. I- won't be at home, though," his hand went to the back of his neck, "Techno made me promise I'd go tomorrow. We can meet somewhere, okay?" His heart was pounding.  
He wasn't sure how to feel about the adrenaline coursing through his veins. He wasn't sure how to feel about loving this daring sensation.

“Good, good. Fuck. Thank you, Toms. It really, really means a lot.” Wilbur sighed in relief.   
“You’re a really good brother, you know that?”

He gave a nervous little chuckle. Fuck, he was growing up.  
"I try. Thank you for the rum, too," he lifted his bottle. "And we agree to just... never mention any of this to anyone? Ever? Please? I'm trying to keep a good reputation. I don't- I don't wanna be a bad kid. A bad person."

“Yeah, yeah, of course. You’re not a bad person, Tommy. You’re the best of us. You really are.” Wilbur smiled.

Tommy's breath caught at Wilbur's words.  
"I'm the best of us?"

Wilbur stared at him for a moment. “Yeah, you are. Of course you are, Toms.”

Out of everything to happen over the course of the day, Tommy wasn't expecting such a simple phrase to be the thing that broke the waterworks. He blinked away his wetting eyes though, not wanting to look weak in front of Wilbur over such a stupid thing.   
"And you're not just saying that? You really think I'm good?" He had been so worried for so long that he was changing for the worse, that he had turned unlovable, and that was the reason Tubbo didn't speak to him anymore and Dream doped him up whenever they hung out. He was desperate for the praise of being good.

Wilbur stood and pulled Tommy up with him, hugging him tightly. “You’re the best of us, Tommy. You really are. You’re the only good person we have left.”

"I'm- I'm stealing from dad, skipping school, drinking and smoking sometimes... I get that's all pretty tame compared to you and Techno, but how good," he sniffled, "how good can I really be?"

“None of that matters, Tommy. You’re a good person, down to your soul. You don’t hurt people on purpose like we do.”

"...Shit," Tommy laughed, clutching Wilbur and holding onto him tight. "Thank fuck. I was so fucking scared I was an awful person." He wasn't sure how much he trusted Wilbur's opinions in general, but he could hold onto this. This was something he was willing to convince himself of.

“Not even close, Toms. You’re the best of us.”

"I love you Wilbur." Saying 'I love you' didn't come very easy to Tommy, it always felt too raw, too sentimental, not guarded enough. This moment was all of those things and more, though, removed from anyone who may judge him and placed in front of the brother he missed so dearly. "Thank you for... yeah. Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on twt:  
> https://twitter.com/wallacenvomit
> 
> join the catalyst series discord server:  
> https://discord.gg/7RKdZUbxFd


	17. 'cause i only remember the feelings i forgot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ranboo techno friendship pog

Californian Novembers went like this. First, you would feel the last warm dregs summer slip back into the sun. Clouds would start to hang around like spiderwebs in your bedroom’s corner, the sun would say goodnight sooner and sooner every day. You would start to wake up with the sun, you would feel alive, and by the time the sun set that night, you would curl up in your bed and wish you had one more blanket. Sometimes, you would meet people who let a little bit of the sun back into your November. Sometimes they would be a kid at the highschool you got expelled from, sometimes they would be the psychic you met in LA, sometimes they were your younger brother you would do anything to protect. 

Californian Novembers went like this. You would sit in your car, listening to Cat, watching the amber mountains pass you by. You would point out a hawk to your brother, he would imitate its call, and you would laugh so hard you had to have him take the wheel for a moment. You would fall into a comfortable silence with him again, and then he would ask you a question.

“D’you think Wilbur’s a good person?”

You wouldn’t know what to say to that.

California Novembers went like this. Your brother would get out of the car and stretch, popping his elbows and shoulder blades. You would look at him and wonder when he got to be as tall as you. He would head inside, and you would watch the neighbourhood for a moment. You would wonder when memories of playing at the park were replaced with memories of getting blackout drunk and trying to kill yourself only a few hundred feet from the playground. The swings would sway a little in a bitter wind, and you would turn around and head back to your house. You wouldn’t ask your brother what he had been doing in your father’s room. It wouldn’t cross your mind, in all honesty. 

Californian Novembers went like this. Your headphones would push the sound of harsh guitar and singing that sounded like crying into your ears, your pupils would shrink pinpoints behind your eyelids, your nose would start bleeding while you slept, and you wouldn’t notice it until the next morning.

Techno bought a Dr. Pepper for the sophomore, and she bought a Monster for him. He idly mentioned that he had visited his brother the day before, and she nodded and mumbled something about her brother being dead. He grimaced and offered her some of his Doritos, but she just laughed and insisted it was fine.

At the end of the day, he waved goodbye, and drove to the CVS. His shift was a few hours long, when he got home at ten, he collapsed onto his bed and almost fell asleep then and there. His phone buzzing stopped him.

Ranboo: Hey Technoblade

He groaned and rubbed his eyes, fishing his glasses off his bedside table and putting them on again.

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Hello Ranboo :]

Ranboo: Do you want to play minecraft? No worries if you don’t feel up to it

Techno stared at his phone for a while, then sighed and stood. His computer booted up slowly.

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Yeah sure! I’ll hop on in a second, survival or hypixel?

Ranboo: Survival would be good

Techno put his headset on and rang the other on Discord. It was immediately declined. He sent a little “?” in the chat.

Ranboo: Not gonna be good for conversation rn sorry :(

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Thats ok, is something wrong?

Ranboo: Ehhhh

Ranboo: Not a big deal honestly

TechnoBlade Never Dies: Ok well you know if you need something you can talk to me right? I’m not great at comforting but I can listen

A few moments passed before a call from Ranboo came through.

“Hullo”, Techno greeted.

“H-Hey”, Ranboo returned the greeting, his voice wavering.

“What, uh… what’s goin’ on?”

A sniffle. “I j-just feel… bad. Niki’s girlfriend was over today, a-and she was just yelling a lot, and I know it was a joke, b-but it freaked me out.”

Techno hummed and nodded. “I get it. It’s scary when people yell.”

“Yeah… I-I feel like I’m trapped in this house, man.” A small chuckle. “I’ve just been here and school for like a week because Tubbo’s been busy. I’m s-starting to go stir crazy.”

Techno thought for a moment. “I mean, how easily could you slip out?”

“What?”

“Like, I don’t wanna be a bad influence, don’t get me wrong, but if you wanna get out of your house, we could drive around for a bit.”

Ranboo hesitated for a moment. “I could probably sneak out.”

“Do you want me to come pick you up?” 

Another moment of hesitation. “Yeah, I do. I’ll be outside.”

“Sounds good, see ya soon.”

“Yep.”

He crept out of his bedroom, eyeing the light under his father’s door. The case of beer in the pantry downstairs had been half empty when he’d checked it upon arrival, so he figured he was fine as long as he stepped lightly.

Techno stared at the sky for a moment, wondering where the moon was. It wasn’t cloudy, no, all the clouds had cleared away as the sun set. It must’ve been a new moon, he realised. 

Ranboo was shivering when he got in Techno’s car, so he offered him one of his sweaters. The younger took it gratefully, not seeming to mind the smell of tobacco. 

“Wanna go to the dollar store? We could get Arizonas and snacks”, Techno suggested, pulling out of the neighbourhood.

Ranboo nodded, his breaths still shaky.

“Alright, it’s a plan.” Techno offered a warm smile.

“I wish we could see the stars better around here”, Ranboo sighed, sipping his Arizona. 

Techno hummed in agreement. “We could drive out to the desert, but it’d be hard to get you back by morning.”

Ranboo laughed a little. “That’s alright, I don’t want to use up all your gas.”

“I bet we could get a better view higher up”, Techno suggested.

“Higher up?” 

“Yeah, like on a roof somewhere.”

“Hm.”

“Hm?”

“What if we got caught?”

“Then I kidnapped you and you had no choice.”

Ranboo laughed at that. “A little self-sacrificing, isn’t it?”

Techno shrugged. “Nah, I could take the pigs. It’s not sacrifice if you don’t lose.”

“You could take them? What if they called the whole station down?” Ranboo grinned.

“Thirty versus one? I could do it. I mean, who do you think would win, a station’s worth of cops or one Technoblade?”

“You’ve got a point there.”

“Exactly.”

The dotted sky winked at them, soft manipulations of light against the blackness of space.

“Where would we go to get on a roof?” Ranboo asked.

“Uh, I could get us onto the roof of the CVS. Would you wanna go there?” 

“That sounds awesome.”

“Off we go, then.” Techno started the car again.

“It’s okay, I’m right behind you. You won’t fall.” Techno assured the younger, holding tightly onto the ladder’s rungs himself.

“Right, I-I know, it’s just, really high up.” Ranboo gave a nervous laugh.

“You’re almost there, just a couple more feet.” Techno said, waiting for him to move again before he followed suit.

Ranboo laid flat on the top of the roof, his breathing deep and shuddering. “Jesus, I’m gonna have to go down that again?”

“You’ll be fine”, Techno grunted, pulling himself up onto the roof. “There, that wasn’t so bad, huh?” He pulled the snacks and drinks out of his backpack. 

“I guess not”, Ranboo huffed, taking his tea and taking a swig. 

The two sat for a while, watching the cars pass by on the street below, a quiet rain-like sound that roared against the night. Techno’s gaze fell on Ranboo, realising it was the first time he’d seen him without the mask and glasses.

“Are your eyes different colors?” Techno asked.

Ranboo grimaced. “Uh, no, not technically. I’m just blind in this one.” He pointed to his left eye. “Cataracts.”

“Oh, I see”, Techno nodded. “Are the sunglasses prescription?”

“Nope.”

“Do you have glasses?”

A laugh. “Nope.”

Techno watched him for a moment longer. “Huh. I’m sorry to hear that. If it makes you feel any better, I’m in the club too.”

“Yeah?”

“Astigmatism.”

“Ah, that’s a nasty one.”

“Not as bad as cataracts.” Techno shrugged, offering a sympathetic smile.

“Heh, no, I guess not.” Ranboo hummed. “The stars are really pretty up here, you were right.”

“Oh, that’s something I was wondering about, could you explain being stargender to me? I never really got into the, like, gender scene outside of the classic stuff.” Techno prompted.

“I would love to, actually. How… well versed are you in gender theory?” Ranboo let a smile flit onto his face.

“Uh, it’s like a spectrum from boy to girl, yeah?” Techno asked.

“Eh… I mean, that’s one way to think of it? It’s a very… cis perspective, though.”

Techno scoffed. “Oh yeah, Technoblade, notorious cishet.”

Ranboo squawked a laugh. “That’s not what I meant! I know you’re not cis, oh my gosh.”

“I know, I know, I’m messing with you.”

“Heh. Okay, well, gender is like, a very unique experience for every person, right? Like, you’re a binary trans guy, right?”

“…sure.”

“Okay, so what does your gender feel like to you?”

Techno cocked an eyebrow. “What does it feel like?”

“Yeah. Like, what things give you gender euphoria?” Ranboo gave a toothy grin.

Techno laughed a little and stared out at the road. “Uh… facial hair, I guess? Wearing a binder?”

“Okay, that’s good, try getting a little more abstract.” Ranboo encouraged.

“Hm… uh, deep voice? Thick eyebrows?” Techno shrugged.

Ranboo hummed. “Okay, like, for me, the thing that gives me gender euphoria is stars. Space and such, you know?”

“…Okay, I can see that.”

“So what else gives you euphoria? Get abstract.”

Techno thought it over. “Uh… the color pink.”

“I can see that.”

“Heh, yeah. Uh, what about driving? Does that count?”

“Yeah! That’s gender, baby!” Ranboo beamed.

Techno laughed a little. “Okay, so let me get this straight. The way that I feel about, like… deep voices and facial hair and driving… that’s how you feel about the stars?”

“Exactly”, Ranboo grinned.

Techno smiled back. “I really like that. Thank you for teachin’ me.”

“Thank you for asking.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on twt:  
> https://twitter.com/wallacenvomit
> 
> join the catalyst series discord server:  
> https://discord.gg/7RKdZUbxFd


	18. i'm much higher than most angels care to fly this time of year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the cliff is crumbling under your feet, love

Techno heard his father close the door to his bedroom at seven that night, listened carefully enough to hear the cap of a bottle unscrew. It made his heart ache with a sickening mix of worry and fear, made his blood run cold and hot and clench his fists. 

It was fine. Tommy was spending the night at Dream’s, he didn’t have to worry about anyone but himself getting hurt by this. He swallowed thickly before turning his computer off and laying down on his bed. It was fine. He scratched his arm- he was so fucking itchy as of late- and went to plug his phone in. 

Tommy had borrowed his charger. He groaned and hit his head against his pillow.  
“Of course,” he sighed, before pulling himself out of bed and running a hand through his hair. 

Techno was quiet as he slipped from his room to his brother’s, gently closing the door behind him. Tommy was typically the most cleanly of the brothers, so Techno grimaced when he saw the state of his room. Clothes on the floor and the bed, a layer of dust on his desk, half-empty glasses of water on every surface. He bit back a sigh and started digging around for his phone charger, hoping he hadn’t taken it with him to Dream’s.

His hands stopped on cold metal. Pulling the pair of jeans that covered it off, he could see the flask in all its cruel divinity. It was black plastic with silver rims and a silver cap. Techno felt his heart twist and curl in on itself, his hands shaking as he uncapped it. A small sniff showed him whiskey, half-empty, sloshing around in his sixteen-year-old brother’s fucking flask.

Techno felt rage build in his gut, he was confronted with a scene of carnage in his mind- bashing in Tommy’s head with the hard metal of the flask, the guttural screams his little brother would let out, the silence that would follow. Or worse, it wouldn’t be enough to kill him all at once, and he would hear the desperate, delirious groans of pain as his mangled brain tried to keep living. He felt bile rise in his throat and he pressed the back of his hand against his mouth to keep it down. He took a deep, shaky breath, and took it to his room, put it in his backpack.

“Tommy forgot his phone charger here, I’m gonna drive to Dream’s and drop it off with him. Is that okay?” Techno asked, his voice thick and cracked like asphalt.

Phil looked up from his computer and set the glass in his hand down. “Huh? Yeah, yeah that’s fine. Drive safe, okay?”

The glass was short, filled with amber liquid. Phil hadn’t even bothered to put away the bottle of Jack he’d poured it from. Techno gritted his teeth.  
“Yeah, of course.”

He felt bitter nostalgia dig at his chest as he knocked on the door of Dream’s house. 

After a few moments, the door opened.  
“Technoblade.” Dream scowled down at him.

“I need to talk to Tommy,” Techno said, just above a whisper.

“You couldn’t have just texted him or something?” Dream raised an eyebrow.

“Please let me in,” Techno muttered.

The other hesitated, then opened the door wider and led him upstairs to his bedroom. Techno felt the blood in his organs spill at the familiarity of it all. He missed Dream so much it made him wish he was dead.

“Tommy,” he said, standing in the doorway. “Can we talk?”

Tommy was sat in a green bean bag, underneath Dream's window. It was open despite the night time chill outside.

"Techno?" His eyes landed on his brother, and a hurricane of confusion and fear hit him all at once. He blinked a few times and prayed it'd make his eyes a little less glassy. "What are you- what?"

“Can we talk? Privately, please?” Techno asked again, his knuckles tightening in his fist. 

“Tommy, you don’ have to do anythin’ he says, okay?” George slurred from the bed, entangled with Sapnap gently combing through his hair with his fingers.

“Yeah, you’re your own man, Toms.” Dream sat on the bed too, a lazy grin tugging at his lips.

Tommy's throat jumped, gaze darting between his brother and his friends. "I don't..." he didn't know why Techno was there. He didn't want to be seen here. He didn't want to be seen like this.

Since when was his binder so tight? Or was that just his ribs closing in, bone digging into lungs? Maybe he would puke up his heart. Maybe it'd be a better apology than he could form with words, because he had some idea of what Techno now knew. What Techno might want to talk about.

"I'm sorry," Tommy muttered, to nobody in particular but also to everybody in the room.

Techno hesitated, some of his anger subsiding. “Tommy, please. I just wanna talk to you about something.”

“Is he in trouble? Are you gonna hit him?” Dream teased, tongue sharp behind cocky teeth.

"I'm sorry," Tommy repeated. "I don't know what you wanna- I'm sorry. Please." What if Technoblade did hurt him? What if he'd had enough of babying his brother, of turning a blind eye, of having faith in him? Tommy betrayed his trust. Maybe he deserved to be sixth.

Maybe Technoblade would pin him to the ground, bash in his face until there was nothing but purple and red. Dream and George and Sapnap would probably watch. They'd probably swig their booze and watch as if it were a televised melodrama. Tommy wasn't sure he could be mad at any of them; he was uncertain about all of the feelings buzzing around in his mind. All he knew was fear, fear, fear. He was done for. This was the nightmare scenario.

He swallowed his rage. “Tommy, I- I’m not going to ask you again. Please just come outside with me for a second so we can talk.”

“What’s your fucking problem, Technoblade? You drive to my house just to scare your brother? The fuck did he even do that you haven’t done?” Dream jeered.

He felt his fists tighten. “I- God, can you just stay out of this? I bet you- I bet you’re the one who gave him this, aren’t you?!” Techno dug the flask out of his backpack.

Dream stared for a moment, unimpressed. “That was George, actually.”

George giggled and took another swig.

Techno stared at them, lips parted in shock. “He’s sixteen.”

“Didn’t Wilbur start when he was fourteen? What’s the problem? He’s a Watson, isn’t he?” Dream snickered.

“He’s- he’s supposed to be better than us! He’s- I don’t want him to turn out like Wilbur or Phil!” Techno insisted, his voice shattering like a bottle.

“Wilbur or Phil? Not you?” Dream raised an eyebrow.

“Shut up! Just- Christ, Tommy, could you please just step outside with me? For a second?” Techno switched his gaze to his brother, his bottom lip trembling.

Tommy swallowed, hard, and thought he tasted bile. Wordlessly, he came to his feet. He didn't dare look in Techno's direction as he walked so slowly into the hallway. His hands were buried deep in his hoodie pockets, picking at the skin on his fingertips.

Techno stepped down the hall, facing Tommy. He sighed and unclenched his fists.  
“Why didn’t you tell me, Tommy? I just- I told you I was fine with it, I wouldn’t tell Phil or anything, so why- why didn’t you tell me?”

"... Dunno." It was a simple answer to speak for all the reasons he could list off: because he promised he wouldn't drink, because he didn't wanna stop hanging out with these guys, because he didn't wanna worry Techno. "'M really sorry."

He took a shaky breath. Stretched his fingers to stop them balling.  
“Are you high right now?”

"...I'm sorry."

Techno felt his stomach twist.   
“Fuck! Fuckin’ hell, Tommy, this- this isn’t good! Why do you have a flask?! A fucking flask?!” He shouted, tears budding in his eyes. “Do you know a single non-alcoholic that owns a flask?!”

"I'm sorry!" His voice raised in volume and pitch. "I-I'm not an alcoholic, though! I don't need it, it's just fun, I was just having fun!"

“It was in your bedroom! You were drinkin’ alone in your bedroom, you don’t think that’s a problem?!” Techno cried.

"It was just a flask's worth! Literally the first time I've ever taken that home or drank alone! Techno, please, I'm sorry, I promise I'm sorry," Tommy was shaking now. "Please."

“This is how it starts! This is exactly how it fuckin’ starts, Tommy!” Techno shouted. His fists balled at his side, he took a step forward.   
“Do you wanna be like Wilbur?! Like Phil?!”

“Hey, cut it the fuck out!” Dream called from behind him. 

Techno bristled. “Fucking stay out of this, asshole!” He felt rage start to bleed into his hands.

“He’s a kid, Technoblade! He’s a kid!” 

“He’s my brother!” 

“Yeah, he’s your brother, and you’re hurting him!” Dream yelled. “Fucking cut it out, or get out of my house.”

Techno felt his throat burn. “You- God, you just think you rule the world, don’t you? You think you can control anyone you want!”

“Technoblade, get out of my house.” Dream leveled him with a dead set glare.

He forced himself to breathe through his rage. “Tommy, come on. Let’s go home.”

“No, Technoblade, just you. Tommy is staying here.” Dream spoke through gritted teeth.

“You’re a bad influence on him, I’m not leavin’ him here!” Techno insisted, his voice cracking.

Dream laughed. “I’m a bad influence? God, you really can’t think about anyone but yourself, can you?” He clicked his jaw. “You decide to flip on me one day and now I’m this evil piece of shit to you, huh? You really think I’m gonna hurt Tommy? Me? I dunno if you’ve been paying attention, buddy, but I’m not the violent one out of the two of us!”

Techno felt his stomach twist in agony. He bit back the lump in his throat and the tears in his eyes.   
“I never meant to hurt you, Dream. I know you’re n-not evil. I- I didn’t mean to hurt you. I loved you.”

Dream took a confident, looming step forward.   
“That’s the problem, isn’t it, Technoblade?” Their faces were barely a foot away. His eyes were wide, sick, and manic.  
“You always hurt the people you love.” 

For a moment, the two were frozen in ice. Techno swung with pain in his fists, but for once, his opponent dodged. Dream hit back twice as hard, sending Techno stumbling against a wall. He kicked his shins, sending him to the floor with a cry of pain, before straddling him and throwing a fist into his face.

Techno heard his nose snap before he felt it.

George and Sapnap hesitated behind them, sharing a look. Sapnap was ready to charge in and break them up before Techno hurt Dream too badly, but…   
Techno wasn’t fighting back.

Dream swung again, his knuckles warm and wet with Techno’s blood. Techno choked out a small sob as blood filled his mouth from a split lip, but it was interrupted with another swing. 

“Do you get it, now?” Dream panted, his grin wide as he spoke. “Do you understand what you’ve done?” 

Techno choked on a mixture of bile and blood. His lack of response only sparked Dream’s rage, making him swing into his face again.

"Dream, please," Tommy stammered out after what felt like an endless onslaught of blows to Techno's face. Tommy was transfixed in it all. "I'm sorry, please stop...."

Dream looked like he didn’t even hear the younger brother. He grabbed Techno’s hair in his fist, the base of his palm on his forehead, and pulled his head up, then slammed it back into the ground.   
“You did this,” he hissed, face inches from Techno’s face. He slammed his skull against the floor again, hard. Techno let out a cry, blood mixing with tears on his cheeks and bile in his throat.

Tommy wasn't very strong. He knew that much from the night he came home with bloody knees and a split lip. He knew from the way he'd get thrown into lockers, from the way he needed Technoblade. He needed Dream.

He needed them to not kill each other.

So he was strong enough to get behind Dream, grab him by the pits, and try to drag him away from Techno. "Dream! Cut that the fuck out! Please!"

Dream let himself get pulled back, still panting with wild eyes and bloody knuckles.  
“Do you get it now, Technoblade?” He yelled, his chest heaving.

Techno rolled over on his side and threw up, vomit and blood mixing on the dark wooden floors.

Dream pushed himself out of Tommy’s hold, running a hand through his hair. “Fucking pathetic,” he hissed.

"H-he's my-my fucking brother, Dre-Dream," Tommy pointed a finger at Technoblade now, feeling violent shivers rack his entire body. "You-you fucking..." he was dying to ask Sapnap and George if Technoblade was alright, but his tongue felt too fat to form the words. His saliva was tasting rather metallic.

“Should we… take him to the hospital?” Sapnap asked eventually, tone wavering.

“He’s fine,” Dream spat.

“I don’t think he is”, Sapnap grimaced as Techno threw up again.

Tommy started shaking his head. He'd rather take a thousand knives to the throat than accompany a brother to the hospital again. He shook his head some more, begging the other boys to understand his silent language. At some point, he ended up on the floor, and everything in his vision warped into hazy fear.

“…going to drive you home, okay?” Sapnap’s voice was muffled and distant, a cautious hand on Tommy’s shoulder.  
“Can you help me get him up?”

Tommy shut his eyes tight, and his nails were forming red crescents in his palm. The harder he squeezed, the more likely he'd be to wake up from this nightmare. He'd open his eyes and Technoblade would be alive, and healthy, and sober from heroin, and playing Minecraft with Tommy, and back in the school building-  
Tommy felt a sob tear through his body. Every muscle clenched so he wouldn't fall apart.

“Tommy, come on, buddy, you gotta help me get your brother to the car,” Sapnap’s voice was kind and strained, he gently rubbed Tommy’s back.

“I thin’ I ‘ave a concussion”, Techno mumbled, coughing and wiping his bloody lips.

All of Tommy's insides were twisted and congealed. His head shook, neck a swivel, unable to do anything else. He couldn't do anything but cry, and shake his head, and take deep and desperate gasps of air. The sounds of the boys around him faded in and out of existence.  
His head cleared enough to have a singular coherent thought: is this a panic attack? Is this a bad trip? Is this Hell?

“Should we call their dad?” Sapnap?

“Fuck no, he’ll kill Dream. Call Schlatt.” George?

“Oh, that’s a good idea. Okay, can you do that? I’m gonna try to get Tommy to calm down.”

A groan. “Fine, whatever. Dream, c’mon, let’s get you cleaned up.”

Tommy felt someone take his hands.   
“Hey, Tommy, can you breathe with me for a second?” Sapnap’s voice was quiet.  
“I promise it’s gonna be okay, I just need you to try to breathe with me.”

Tommy heard the word 'breathe.' That's all he could manage, wild whines and whimpers tearing at his vocal fold. He was suffocating, maybe, but after a few terrifying moments of genuinely feeling on the verge of death, he was able to take slower breaths. Quieter breaths. He could hear again. He couldn't see, but his ears were graced with slow inhales and exhales to the side of him. He tried to match its tempo.

“Good, you’re doing well. Can you look around for me?” Sapnap asked, “Can you tell five things you can see?”

Techno retched again.

"I- I see..." Tommy blinked once, twice, and the gray spirals that made up his vision turned into a hallway. "I see Tech, and... and blood, a-and you, and my legs, and... a picture frame," his eyes slid up the wall to find the last one. It was a serious labor.

“Good job, can you tell me four things you can hear, now?”

"I hear- I hear you, I hear Tech, I hear... George, George is talking somewhere, and I hear... I hear the wind outside."

“You’re doing really well, Tommy. Can you tell me if you can taste anything?”

"I taste... I taste metal," he knew it wasn't from any sort of bleeding, at least. He had enough sense to know it wasn't blood, now. It was his mouth watering in an unpleasant manner to get ready to puke. "I taste... cottony. Cotton mouth. And... vodka. Vodka in the back of my throat."

Sapnap grimaced and nodded.

“Vodka?” Techno repeated, his words slurred and slow.

“Schlatt is on his way,” George said, taking a swig from the bottle in his hand. 

“Get him out of my house, Sapnap.” Dream ordered, glaring down at Techno.

“I’m working on it, dude.” Sapnap snapped back. “Tommy, can you stand up? I need you to help me get Techno downstairs.”

"Yeah... help me up?" He reached a hand up, watching Sapnap pathetically. Techno's voice only served to mock the shitty feeling settled in Tommy's stomach.

“Yeah, yeah. C’mere, buddy.” Sapnap stood and took Tommy’s hand, pulling him up and giving him a little pat on the back.   
“Techno, gimme your hands.”

“…’m fine, I can do it on my own,” Techno grumbled, leaning against the wall and trying to stand. He stumbled, nearly falling before Sapnap caught him.

“Okay, you’re good, you’re fine,” Sapnap said, his voice strained as he had Techno put an arm over his shoulders so he could support the other’s weight.  
“Tommy? Could you get him on the other side?”

Tommy nodded, sliding under his brother's arm. He thought of the way he watched Techno do this for Phil not that long ago.

He wished he could stop thinking again, but the fading adrenaline made him realize that he may have chased away his high.

"C'mon, Tech, I gotcha," his voice was apologetic.

“He broke my nose.” Techno mumbled, stumbling as the two led him downstairs.

Neither of them said a word.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ, he really did a number on you, huh?” Schlatt grimaced, opening the passenger side door for Techno, who sat inside and did his seatbelt after fumbling with it for a few moments.  
“Tommy, are you comin’ too? I’m gonna take Techno back to your house.”

Tommy stood, looking between Schlatt and Sapnap. "I don't know- I don't know where to go," Tommy admitted. "I- Sapnap, you get it, right? I don't wanna be here, but I can't... I can't go home."

Sapnap bit his lip. “Uh… yeah, I get it. You should… probably go home, though.”

“Yeah, c’mon, bud, we can stop by Taco Bell or something and get you dinner.” Schlatt offered a weak grin.

"...Fine. But only because a Baja Blast sounds good right now," Tommy joked, but delivered the punchline with none of his typical humor. He slid in the back and shook away the memories of the time he nearly watched Dream die in the seat in front of him.

Tommy wondered if Schlatt had a gun on him at that moment.

He rolled down his window and waved out at Sapnap. "Have a good night. I'm sorry. Tell the boys I'm sorry."

“Yeah, will do”, Sapnap offered a small smile and waved as Schlatt pulled out of the driveway.

“So is one of you gonna tell me what happened?” Schlatt asked as he pulled onto the main road.

“I think I have a concussion,” Techno mumbled.

Schlatt paused. “Okay, what happened?”

"He- uh, came over, and Dream started yelling at him, and then they... fought. Or, Dream beat Techno up, and Techno didn't really do anything," Tommy explained.

Schlatt’s brows furrowed. He stared ahead at the road.   
“Why… why, uh, why didn’t you fight back, Technoblade?”

After a few moments of silence, Schlatt looked over at Techno. He was staring at his lap, curled in on himself.

“Technoblade?” Schlatt asked again.

Techno wiped his eyes. “I didn’t wanna hurt him again,” he whispered, voice hoarse.

Tommy opened his mouth to confess that tonight was really his fault, but didn't want to intrude on the moment. He stared out the window, instead, watching trees become black blurs as they left the neighborhood and sped up along the street. He was at least happy that Dream wasn't hurt.

Schlatt parked against the curb outside the house and got out, going to the passenger side to help Techno. The latter insisted he was fine and got out on his own. They said their goodbyes after Tommy got out too, and Techno gave a small wave as Schlatt drove away. 

Techno fumbled with the keys to the house for a moment, failing to unlock the door, then grumbled and handed them to Tommy.

“Can you help me reset my nose?” Techno asked, his voice hoarse as he closed the front door behind them. “It’s gonna be kinda gross.”

Tommy grimaced. "Do I have to?" Upon seeing the look on his brother's face, he held his hands up. "I was joking! I can... yeah. I can try. God, okay, what do I gotta do?"

“Let’s go to the bathroom,” he mumbled, trudging upstairs. He looked at himself in the mirror, feeling his stomach twist.   
“Fuck, that’s a lot of blood,” he grimaced. “Lemme… lemme wash my face first.”

"Yeah, take your time, big man." He fished his phone from his pocket, and squinted at it, looking at all his notifications. He filled the minutes by responding to any texts that looked interesting. When he ran out of those, he switched to perusing Reddit.

Techno took a deep, shaky breath, then let it out. “Okay. I’m ready. You just gotta- he knocked it to the left, so you gotta snap it to the right, okay?”

"Okay," he slipped his phone into his pocket, before bringing a ginger palm up to Techno's nose.  
"Like... this?" He pushed. Hard.

Techno felt it snap again and shouted, pulling away and holding it in his hands. “Fuck! Fuck, that fuckin’ hurts!” He hissed through his teeth, eyes squeezed shut in pain.

The two froze as they heard a bedroom door open. Footsteps- stumbled. A knock on the bathroom door. 

“Th’ fuck ‘re you doin’ in there?!” Phil slurred. 

Techno swallowed the lump in his throat and opened the door.   
“He was resetting my nose,” he mumbled, biting the inside of his cheek at the overwhelming smell of whiskey.

Phil stared for a moment.   
“Well c’n you fuckin’ keep it down?”

"He... dad," Tommy furrowed his eyebrows, "he broke his nose."

Their father blinked, squinting for a moment. “Who?”

“Dream.” Techno whispered. 

Phil’s brows furrowed as he shifted his weight, falling against the bathroom doorframe a little.   
“Y’re grounded.” He said, taking a swig from the bottle in hand.

"What?" Tommy got between the two. "No, dad, Dream broke Techno's nose- why are you grounding him?"

“He got in another fight, tha’s why! Techno, go t’ y’r fuckin’ room, okay?” Phil’s knuckles turned white on the neck of the bottle.

Techno wanted to hit him. Wanted to shatter that stupid fucking bottle of Jack against his skull and jab it into his gut. He didn’t. He held himself back- Tommy was there. He couldn’t put Tommy at risk no matter what.

Tommy clenched his teeth. "This is bullshit." He shoved past his dad and idled in the hallway, leaning against the wall. He pulled out his phone, thumbs rapidly typing away at the touchscreen.

TommyInnit: karl  
TommyInnit: are you still awake?

KarlJacobs: Hey! Yeah I am :D what’s up?

“Both o’ you keep it down, okay?” Phil slurred, taking another swig as he headed back to his room.

“Sure thing, Phil.” Techno spat through gritted teeth.

He paused. Turned around.   
“‘s there a problem, Freja?”

Techno froze. Then his rage exploded all at once.   
“Oh, fuck you!” He shouted, shoving his dad, making him stumble back against the wall. “You are such a fuckin’ asshole, god!”

Phil stared at him, eyes wide and dangerous. “Never… never put y’r hands on me again. Ever.”

Tommy's lips pressed into a thin line, shrinking back. He needed to not get involved. He needed to get help.

TommyInnit: listen man im really sorry  
TommyInnit: but can you please text your uncle and ask him to pick me and techno up?

KarlJacobs: Oh man yeah of course I can

“You’re- you’re a shitty fuckin’ dad, you know that?!” Techno shouted, his voice cracking.

“Well Jesus, Techno, it looks like we’re ‘n the same boat, because y’re a shitty person!” His father stepped forward, his free hand poking Techno’s chest.

KarlJacobs: Ok hes on his way  
KarlJacobs: Is everything ok?

TommyInnit: not really  
TommyInnit: im fine but i gtg, thx

He shoved his phone back in his pocket. "You fucking deadnamed him, you asshole!" Tommy cried. "God, what's gotten into you, dad?"

Techno watched Phil’s drunken gaze shift from him to his younger brother. He watched the man’s knuckles tighten on the bottle, watched him take the smallest, slightest step forward before he stepped between the two.  
“No, stay the fuck away from him.” Techno stepped forward to force his father back.

“Stay? Wh… I wasn’t gonna hit him, Techno! Who th’ fuck d’you think I am?” Phil slurred incredulously.

Tommy knit his brows together. "What were you gonna do, dad?"

“I… I wasn’ gonna hit you,” Phil insisted.

“Phil, give me the bottle,” Techno ordered, holding a hand out. “You’ve had enough.”

Phil took a second to process what his son had said, before his irritation sparked.   
“Go to y’r fuckin’ room, Techno. Now.”

“Give me the bottle.” Techno gritted his teeth.

“Both of you, go to your rooms, now!” Phil shouted. 

Techno hesitated, fear running his veins cold. “Tommy, go to your room,” he whispered.

"You first," Tommy insisted. He wasn't about to leave Phil and Techno alone. He knew he was the glue in this moment.

“Tommy,” Techno kept his eyes on his father, his father’s wild eyes and whiskey breath. “Go to your room. I’m serious.”

"You first. I'm serious, too."

Phil kept eye contact with Techno as he drained the bottle. When he pulled the bottle away from his lips, he let out a little sigh.   
“Both of you, go t’ y’r rooms.”

“You’re an asshole, Phil.” Techno scowled.

“Oh, Jesus, Techno, what’re y’ gonna do about that?” Phil took a step forward and his son tensed further. “You gonna break my nose?”

"Techno," Tommy's voice was small, "let's just both go in your room."

He hesitated, then nodded and followed Tommy into his room. He closed the door behind them, and they heard Phil stumble back down the hallway and go to his own room.

Techno took a deep, shuddering breath, and let it out. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

"Whatever. You know that weird Jim dude? That always drops dad off drunk?"

“Uh… yeah, why?” Techno raised an eyebrow.

"He's coming to pick us up," Tommy inspected his fingertips. He didn't remember picking them so much earlier, but the edges of his nails were red with dried blood. "Did you know he's Karl's uncle?"

“Oh… that makes sense. Okay, uh, I need to pack my stuff, then. You should go to your room and get your stuff too.” Techno said, scratching the back of his neck.

"How long do you think we'll stay...?"

“Just- just the night. We can talk to him tomorrow when he’s… sober.” Techno had trouble getting the word out.

"Okay." He went to leave, but his hand hovered near the knob. "Do you think he's back in his room, now?"

Techno paused for a moment, listening. “He… should be. I think you’re good.”

Tommy nodded and slipped from Techno's room. A few moments later, Techno heard the bedroom door beside his close, along with the sounds of Tommy rustling around through all his mess.

Techno took a deep breath. Let it out.

Everything was really fucked this time. His nose was broken, Phil was blackout or something close to it, he had confirmation that he and Dream would really never be friends again.

He pulled the rest of his heroin out of the box springs of his bed and stuffed it in his backpack, along with his two remaining packs of cigs.

Tommy let himself in Technoblade's room, backpack hung on one shoulder. "Karl texted me. Jim's out front."

“Okay,” Techno said. He hesitated for a moment.  
“Should we really leave him here alone?” He swallowed a lump in his throat. “He’s really drunk, what if he’s blackout? What if he chokes on his own vomit or somethin’?”

"That sounds really unrealistic," Tommy crossed his arms. "This is gonna be harsh, but he kinda... brought this on himself. I don't fucking know, I just wanna leave."

Techno took a breath, then nodded. “Okay. Let’s go.”

“Hey, boys, are you doing alright?” Jimmy greeted them at the front door.

Techno shrugged.

Jimmy stared at him for a moment. “You look… did you… did…” his brows knit together. “Did he do that?” He whispered.

"No," Tommy shook his head. "The broken nose was Dream. Ph- dad did almost hit me, I think."

Jimmy grimaced and nodded. “Okay, let’s get you guys somewhere safe.” He led them back to his car- a fucking Tesla- and let them inside. 

“Could we stop by Dream’s house? I need to get my car, I left it there. I can follow behind you two.” Techno requested.

“Uh, sure, can you give me the guy’s address?”

Tommy recited it. "I should probably let Sapnap know we're coming over- just to pick it up, not for round two..." once again, he pulled out his phone, and noticed its battery. "Oh, shit. I... actually left your charger in there, Tech."

Techno huffed a small laugh. “Of course you did.”

Sapnap was waiting outside with the charger when they arrived.  
“Hey, guys. So you’re not going to the hospital?”

Techno shrugged. “I don’t think the concussion is that bad. I’m just dizzy.”

"Yeah, we're just gonna lay low at Karl's uncle's place for the night. Home is... not great either," Tommy took the charger from Sapnap. "Are Dream and George- are they mad at me?"

Sapnap shifted his weight. “Uh… I don’t think so? It’s kinda hard to tell, though. They’re both… weird with their emotions, y’know?” He watched as Techno took a second to focus again before he unlocked the car.   
“Are you really sure you should be driving, man? He hit your head really hard.”

Techno waved a hand in dismissal and got in the driver’s seat.

Tommy chewed his lip. "It's okay. I'll drive us, I'm feeling pretty sober now." Tommy shoved his charger in his pocket. "Thank you for being such a stand-up pal Sap, I'll text you later, yeah?

Sapnap offered a small grin. “Yeah, no problem, man. You’ll text me if you need anything, right?”

"Yeah, I will." He pulled Sapnap into a brief hug, then turned on his heel. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" He called back to his buddy.  
He stopped by Jimmy's car first, opening the passenger side door and leaning in to talk. "Techno's kinda sorta concussed, so I'm gonna just drive and follow behind you, alright?"

“What? He’s concussed?” Jimmy looked horrified. “We should- we should take him to a hospital.”

Tommy felt a familiar churn in his stomach. "I'm sorry, I- I can't handle hospitals, can we just go to yours first and then you can take him if you really want?"

He hesitated for a moment. “Okay, that’s… that’s fine. You’re a safe driver, yeah?”

"Promise. I haven't been getting a lot of practice time in as of late, because dad's... yeah, he's been too drunk, but I drive at school. For driver's ed."

Jimmy stopped himself from grimacing and nodded. “Okay, just follow close behind.”

"I will, big man." He flashed a cheeky grin, then shut the door.  
He tapped on Techno's window, before opening the driver's side. "Tech, I'll drive. I'm sober, you're concussed, I got my permit on me." It would be Techno's first time being driven by Tommy.

Techno took a second to process what was being said, then nodded and handed the keys to Tommy as he switched sides.

Tommy clicked his seatbelt, got the car started, and adjusted his seat and mirrors. "She's sorta a beater, huh?" He patted the steering wheel, watching and waiting for Jimmy to leave.

“My car? My car is fine. And her name is Carl, for your information.” Techno grumbled. “I’m very proud of her.”

"She's no Tesla, get on Jim's level," he smirked. Following the older man's lead, he maneuvered out of the driveway and followed behind on the residential streets. He found himself focusing harder than usual and had the ironically sobering realization that he was actually still high. No matter. He knew freaking out would make things worse.

"See? I'm not a bad driver," Tommy said, and then promptly performed a rolling stop.

Techno snorted. “You’re better than Schlatt, at least. And a lot better than Wilbur.”

"Well, I don't pull guns on my passengers," he joked. "Unless...?" He looked over at Techno, and lifted his eyebrows. "Nope, sorry, eyes on the road." He braked in time to not tap the Tesla's bumper.

Techno stifled a laugh. “Dude, did I tell you Schlatt actually almost killed me like a month ago?”

"Oh, man. Tonight fucking sucks," Tommy grinned wide until he couldn't hold his laughter back anymore. His voice filled the space of the car, crackling but warm, like a fire.

Techno laughed too, high and breathless, hitting his fist against his thigh. “Oh my god, it really does. Holy shit.”

Tommy's pendulum of feelings for Techno had been off-kilter all night, rapidly swinging back and forth. Currently, it was settled on love and wasn't budging.  
"Holy shit," he wiped his eyes with his hoodie sleeve. "While we're being honest: Dream is, like, constantly shit-talking you. I just tune it out, really."

He felt a lump grow in his throat. He tried to hold it back, his fists tightening. “He r-really hates me, huh?” Techno asked, his voice cracking.

"Ah, shit." Tommy sucked air in through his teeth. "Didn't mean to dampen the mood." He stopped talking so he could focus on switching lanes. "I don't think Dream hates you. I think he's just... scared of you."

Techno choked back a sob. “H-He’s my best friend,” he said, “I really really l-love him.” He felt his heart burst and he broke down sobbing. He was a loud, ugly crier when he really got into it, filling the car with desperate sobs and wails.

"Maybe you guys are on level playing ground now?" Tommy suggested. "Broke each other's noses, nearly killed each other... maybe you guys can move on to the talking stage of things now."

Techno didn’t respond, just cried louder, curled over, pulled his hair, and choked out sobs.

"Hey, big man, I- I can't comfort you right now, too busy driving," he apologized, "but things will be alright, probably. Most likely. I can tell him that you wanna make things right." He paused. "Actually, I'm allowed to hang out with him still, right?"

He forced himself to hold back his sobs for a moment. “You- You can d-do whatever you want,” he sniffled, wiping his nose which came away bloody. “I d-don’t have any control over y-your actions.”

Tommy nodded. "I'm really sorry again, for tonight. For everything. For not telling you."

He took a shaky breath and nodded. “I j-just don’t want you to turn out like… like us. You know?”

"I know, Tech. I know," his knuckles turned white, "I don't, either. But I promise I'll be okay." 

Black waves crashed against the rocks far below the cliff’s edge. Tommy wondered if they would catch him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on twt:  
> https://twitter.com/wallacenvomit
> 
> join the catalyst series discord server:  
> https://discord.gg/7RKdZUbxFd


	19. bye bye

The ceilings in Karl’s uncle’s house were flat. They had no texture to them, they were a pristine white.

Techno woke up at four in the morning and stumbled to the bathroom to throw up. The bile stung his throat and made his skin itch. He washed his mouth out with the sink water and stared at himself in the mirror. His hair was tangled, dried blood matting parts of it together. As he watched himself in the mirror, a droplet of blood peeked out of his right nostril. He felt a wave of nausea hit him and he fell to his knees, vomiting in the toilet again. 

The sun was still below the horizon. It was dark, probably the darkest it would be as he was hovering on dawn. Techno stood in the room he’d been leant. He took a shaky breath and rested his head in his hands. 

He and Dream were really never going to be friends again.

He choked back a sob. He scratched his arm as he went about packing his things up again. He needed to get away. He couldn’t fucking do this.

Techno left a note on the kitchen table. Just so they wouldn’t worry.

“Back soon. -T”

The sun rose as he drove along the highway, slowly taking the sky from a pitch-black to a quiet, pale blue. He played the album Bad had recommended to him. He missed Bad so much.

The cliff by the beach came into view as the album concluded. For a while, Techno sat, parked at the top. He watched the gentle morning waves roll around like they were living things, playful and full of light.

He put his phone in his pocket and kept the music playing. He walked down the steps to the beach slowly, still a little fuzzy from what was likely a serious concussion. He took his boots off at the base of the stairs, left his socks inside them. 

The sand was warm, not hot yet as the sun had only been up an hour or so, and it felt like home under his feet. He sat on a rock at the base of the cliff, watching the waves. As he worked through his pack of Newports, he only got dizzier. He rolled his jeans up and left his pack on the rock, then waded into the water.

Staring out at the ocean, feeling the tide pull him this way and that, he felt a tear slip down his cheek. It tugged a sob out of his chest, he let out a noise half between a sob and a scream. He felt his nose start to bleed again, tasted the acrid blood dye his teeth red as he cried. He gagged at the sobs that got stuck in his throat and barely managed to stumble out of the water before he fell to his knees and vomited again, blood and puke saturating the sand. His concussion was worse than he had realised, he thought. He staggered to his feet again and took a breath, coughing on the bile in his mouth. Techno picked the empty pack of cigs up off the rock and went back up the wooden stairs with them.

A few other cars were at the top of the cliff now, but he paid them no mind and got into his own. His phone was still playing music, he realised, as he checked the time. How was it already eleven AM? He tossed it onto the passenger seat and pulled his backpack out. On the center console, he formed a few lines with his old school ID. His nose started to bleed after the first four. He wiped it away and formed four more.

He got out of the car with his phone, eyes half-lidded pinpricks, and sat at the edge of the cliff. The waves were quiet, for once. He could barely hear them. All he could hear was the song playing in from the tinny speakers of his phone.

“Hide yourself, hide yourself  
I'm sorry I'm bad  
Bad, bad, bad

Live to make a noise  
Disguise that noise as love  
Hold on, don’t let go  
You own my face and bones  
She won't, she won't let go  
She said as she let go

You stand with me  
You stand, you stand alone  
You stand alone

Bye bye.”

It looked just like he was sleeping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on twt:  
> https://twitter.com/wallacenvomit
> 
> join the catalyst series discord server:  
> https://discord.gg/7RKdZUbxFd


	20. if it's gonna die just let it, without a goodbye it's endless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thank you for joining me.

Techno awoke to the feeling of hands on his shoulders, pulling and pushing him around. He heard muffled yelling, felt someone shake his body. 

“Technoblade,” the gravelly voice called again with another shake.  
“Can you hear me?”

He stared at them, tried to make out any features. He felt himself slip from consciousness again. Moments later, he was jolted awake.

“…to give you a Naloxone injection, okay? Hey, stay with me, Technoblade.” He felt a light tap on his cheek.  
“I need you to stay with me, buddy, okay?” 

Techno blinked, long and slow. He took a shallow breath. It was hard to breathe, he realised. He felt himself fall asleep again.

A sharp pain exploded from his thigh. He whined in pain, letting his head roll back.

He felt someone’s arms around him and the gentle bustle of a car. His eyes slowly opened and he looked around. Schlatt in the front seat, Tubbo beside him, and someone holding him close. He looked up and saw Ranboo, his mask and glasses off, his cheeks stained with tears. He barely felt himself slip back asleep.

The ceiling above him when he woke up next was flat. Pristine white. For a second, he could almost convince himself he was still at Jimmy’s. The dull pain of an IV in his arm proved him wrong.

“Technoblade?” He looked away from the ceiling to see Schlatt, Tubbo and Ranboo behind him. As Techno blinked, eyes still bleary, he felt Schlatt pull him into a tight hug.   
“God, you fuckin’ scared me, Technoblade. Jesus fuckin’ Christ. Jesus.” Schlatt’s voice was cracked at the seams, falling apart.

Techno hesitated, his mind still fuzzy. “Did I OD?” He asked, words soft as cotton.

“Yeah,” Schlatt held him tighter, “you overdosed. Fuck, Technoblade, I n-never shoulda let you to that.”

Techno thought for a moment, before slowly wrapping his arms around the smaller man, resting his head against him and closing his eyes.  
“You found me?”

Schlatt scoffed. “Ranboo found you. He recognised your car.”

Techno’s gaze shifted to Ranboo, standing quietly beside Tubbo, sunglasses and mask obscuring his face.  
“You… found me?”

Ranboo gave a short nod.

“Fuck,” Techno swore, his voice breaking, “Jesus fuck, I’m sorry, Ranboo, y-you never shoulda had to see that.”

“You should go back to sleep, okay, bud? You need a lot more rest.” Schlatt pulled away, wiping his own eyes.

Techno hesitated, then nodded. His gaze lingered on Ranboo for a moment, before Schlatt herded the younger two out of the room.

He laid back down, feeling tears starting to slip down his cheeks. How old was Ranboo? Fourteen, fifteen? Too young. He had traumatised another kid.

Most disappointingly, he was still alive. He choked out a sob.

Tommy woke up to someone gently shaking his shoulders.  
“Tommy? Come on, buddy, you gotta get up.”

He lifted his head before he opened his eyes. He rubbed crusty sleep from them. "What?"

“Your dad is here to pick you up, you need to pack your stuff and get going. Quickly, okay?” Jimmy offered a nervous, sympathetic smile.

"Is he sober?" Tommy stretched upwards, cracking a few joints.

“He- yeah, he’s sober. You should- uh- your…” Jimmy swallowed and ran a hand through his hair. “Your brother is in the hospital. He’s going to take you there.”

Tommy blinked once. Twice. "I can't just stay here?"

“He wants you with him or at home.”

"Okay. Alright." He stood. He had passed out as soon as he got to Jimmy's apartment the previous night, so he didn't have anything to pack back up.   
"Sorry for intruding, again. I just have one question for you before I go."

Jimmy paused, looking at him. “Uh, sure, what is it?”

"When you bring him home drunk... are you just driving him? Or did you get him like that?"

He looked like he was going to throw up. “I… I’m just driving him. He invites me out and I go so I know he won’t try to drive home on his own.”

Tommy nodded. "Alright... thanks, mate. I'm sorry you gotta deal with us." He didn't wait for a response, just made his way out the front door, shame keeping his heart heavy.

Tommy sat on the passenger's side, next to his dad. "Hey."

Phil didn’t say a word in response, just pulled out of the driveway and onto the road.  
After a few minutes of driving, he cleared his throat.  
“I’m sorry I lost my temper last night.”

"Mm-hmm. Can you drop me off at home?" Tommy picked at the scabs on his fingers.

“We’re already halfway to the hospital. He’ll want to see you anyway.” Phil said, grip on the steering wheel firm.

Tommy's breath caught in his throat. "Dad, I dunno if I can go in there. I can just- I can just stay in the car."

He hesitated. “I guess you can stay in the car,” he sighed, “you’ll have plenty of time to talk while he packs his things.”

"Uh-huh. Wait, what?" He furrowed his brows.

Phil parked the car in the hospital parking lot. “I’m going in. Are you coming or not?”

"I dunno, what do you mean 'while he's packing?'"

He held the keys in his hand after turning the car off.  
“I have one rule, Tommy.” He didn’t meet his son’s eye. “My one rule is that hard drugs are not done in my house. Both of your brothers have broken that now.”

Tommy swallowed hard. Now he had confirmation that the heroin had never been a one-time thing.  
Now it was his turn to be disappointed in his brother.

"Okay," he un-clicked his seatbelt and ruffled his hair in the side-view mirror. "We going in?"

“Yeah, come on.” Phil sighed and led him inside. They spoke with the people at the front desk for a moment, before Schlatt jogged up and greeted them.

“Hey, he’s in room three ‘o two. Are you guys doin’ okay?” Schlatt looked up at the two. Behind him, a dozen feet away, Tubbo and Ranboo stared at Tommy.

Tommy made eye contact with Tubbo. It was a painful spark of recognition. It was electrocution.

He couldn't bring himself to speak. Not with a brother in the hospital, being accompanied by Schlatt and Tubbo. He couldn't stomach history repeating itself. He had to concentrate all his efforts on not losing it like he did the night before. He went without greeting them all.

A nurse led the two to the hospital room and let them inside, before leaving them alone.

“Technoblade,” Phil shook his son’s shoulder lightly.

Techno opened his eyes and blinked a few times, looking between the two.   
“Oh… hi.”

"Hey, big man. How's the concussion treating you?" Tommy smirked. "'Mild,' huh?"

Techno faltered, looking at his brother and then his father.

“Tommy, that’s not why he’s here.” Phil muttered.

"Wh- it's not? Are you alright?" He looked down at Techno, resting his hands on the edge of the mattress.

Techno felt a lump form in his throat, he looked away, his fists curling around the sheets.

“He overdosed.” Phil crossed his arms, watching the two of them.

History really did repeat itself. Tommy stood in silence for an eternity, letting the gross feeling of dread overcome every cell in his body.   
There was one little detail that irked Tommy, though. "How did he get here? Who... who found him?"

Techno swallowed thickly. “Uh, Ranboo. Him and Tubbo and Schlatt were, uh, at the beach.”

Tommy's world went blurry. His eyes went misty.

"I can't..." he tried to steel his nerves, he really did. His stomach wouldn't quit threatening to spill over, though. "Can I go back to the car?"

“How long have you been doing heroin?” Phil suddenly asked, his tone cracking like lightning.

Techno glanced between them- was Phil ignoring Tommy?  
“I, uh… about a month and a half, I guess.” He said, his guts twisting.

“Was this your plan? Were you trying to kill yourself? You stole my money to buy yourself enough heroin to kill yourself with?”

Techno flinched at the tone, then faltered. He looked up at them again, eyes going to Tommy. What did he mean stealing his money?

Tommy's eyes widened, his pupils shrank. The hold he had on himself tightened, and Technoblade wasn't sure if Tommy had ever looked smaller. The youngest opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out.

Techno watched the fear in his brother’s eyes. He felt his heart sink as he realised it must have been him.

He couldn’t let any harm come to Tommy. He couldn’t.

“…somethin’ like that, yeah.” He lied, staring at his lap.

Phil stared at him, taking shaking breaths. “You have three days to find somewhere else to live.”

Techno’s head snapped up, shock squeezing his heart.   
“What? What do you mean?”

“You know exactly what I mean, Techno! You betrayed my trust exactly like Wilbur did, and worse, you actually stole from me! I have one rule in this house! One!” Phil’s fists tightened at his sides. “And you broke it.”

Techno stared at his father in horror and let out a sob. “I d-don’t have anywhere to go!”

“That’s not my problem, is it, Technoblade?!”

"Come on, Techno," Tommy took a step forward. "You're lying." To Phil, it sounded like shock. To Techno, it sounded like begging. "Please, you can't..." he turned to look at Phil, "I can't lose him, too."

“I’m going home. Tommy, are you coming?” Phil gripped his car keys a little tighter.

“I m-messed up, dad, I know I messed up, b-but you can’t kick me out”, Techno sniffled, feeling tears slip down his cheeks.

“You’re an adult, Techno. It’s time you took responsibility for your actions.” Phil glared.

"Can me and Techno talk for a bit?" Tommy watched his dad. "Alone?"

Phil’s stare switched to Tommy, and after a moment he sighed and nodded.   
“I’ll be in the car.”

Techno watched him go, then let out a sob. “Oh my g-god”, he cried, burying his face.

Tommy dove towards Techno, wrapping his arms around his brother. "God damnit," he let a few tears slip down his cheeks.

Techno hugged him back, letting out a sob into his brother’s shirt. “What did he- You took his money? Why did you take his money?”

"Wilbur," he muttered. "Wilbur- Wilbur asked me to. Fuck. I'm sorry, you shouldn't have- why'd you take the blame?"

“I-I didn’t,” He sniffled, “I didn’t want you to get in trouble. Fuck. Fuck!” He cried into Tommy’s shirt, gripping his back tight.   
“I’m gonna be fucking homeless!” He cried.

"Are you sure there's- there's absolutely no one you can stay with? Schlatt? Bad?" Tommy suggested, his voice weak and broken. "Dream?"

Techno choked out a sob, his shoulders shaking. “I-I guess I could ask Schlatt”, he whimpered, squeezing his eyes shut. “I can’t do this, I c-can’t fuckin’ do this, Tommy.”

"Fuck," he held Techno tighter, never minding the growing wet spot on the front of his hoodie. "Fuck. Fuck, Tech, I'm so..." he wanted to let out a 'this is my fault,' or an 'I'm sorry,' but the words got stuck and morphed into something that hurt less. "Why did you... did you actually try to kill yourself?"

He let out a loud sob, shaking his head. “I d-don’t know, I j-just wanted to sleep.”

"Melatonin, dumbass!" It was a feeble attempt at a joke, but his words were all jagged edges. "Please, Tech, don't leave me behind. Don't leave me alone. I can't- I can't do this alone." 

Techno hugged him tighter, his cries muffled by his younger brother’s shirt.   
“I d-don’t want to do this a-anymore,” he sobbed, his face starting to feel like static.

"Technoblade, if you... if you die, then I'll..."

“No, no, don’t say it, p-please don’t say it.” Techno sniffled and shook his head. “I’m n-not gonna die. You can’t d-die either, okay?”

"You'd better not," he lifted a hand to gently knock the back of his brother's head. "God. I'm so sorry. I saw your- I saw your texts with Schlatt. I wish I would've... I don't know."

“You saw my… when did you go through my phone?” He asked, pulling away to look at him.

"Uh- it was that one time you had me go through your Spotify. You... left your Discord open."

Techno frowned and wiped his eyes. “That’s rude.” He let out a shaky sigh and leaned back in his bed.   
“Fuck, Tommy. What do I do?”

"I think all you can do is just... start asking around for anyone to stay with." Tommy mirrored him, wiping his eyes with his hoodie sleeves for the second day in the row. "If that doesn't work... Craigslist."

“Okay. Okay, I… I can do that.” He nodded. “God, but, you’re gonna be alone with Phil…”

"Shit," Tommy brought a hand to his mouth and spoke around the fingers that he began to gnaw. "No, it'll be fine. Hopefully, you'll live close, and... I'll get my license soon, and I have Karl's uncle and Sapnap and all them, and..." he swallowed, "Tubbo. I should... I should talk to them. I wonder if they're still in the waiting room."

Techno nodded. “Yeah, you should. Go talk to them, Tommy.” His voice was hoarse and weak.

"But I don't wanna leave you." He stared down at Techno. He wasn't used to being taller than him. "When are you coming home?"

He shrugged. “I… I dunno. I guess whenever they let me out. I think,” he laughed, “I think I have a pretty bad concussion.”

"So when you get discharged... you'll have three days at home with us before dad kicks you out," he restated, allowing everything to set in. "...Okay."

Techno nodded and let out a shuddering sigh. “Yeah. Okay.” He pushed his hair out of his eyes. “I love you, Tommy. You know that?”

"I love you too, Tech." He brought his brother in for another hug. "I love you so much."

The days that followed were grey skies and crashing black waves, rocks that stood their ground and scraped you when you fell. Schlatt stayed with him in the hospital for as long as he was allowed. 

It was on the first day that Techno learned Wilbur had been lucky. His overdose had put him into a day-long coma, sure, but as far as anyone knew, he hadn’t suffered any injury.

Heroin was different from Xanax, though. Heroin overdoses, when survived, had the habit of leaving their victims with physical trauma, brain and lung injuries, and other long-term effects. Techno was left with what the doctors called, “toxic brain injury”.

The concussion didn’t help either.

It was raining the week that he was let out, the clouds the same color as the smoke of the cigarettes he and Schlatt shared. The latter had told him, discomfort in his words, that he wasn’t the person to turn to for a place to live. His profession was dangerous, particularly for Techno’s recovery. 

Techno stayed at Jimmy’s house for the three days he was allowed to pack his things. He had asked what the man thought of taking on a roommate, but he had been turned down. Techno didn’t ask why, didn’t blame him. 

With his three suitcases of belongings, he stayed in a hotel for a few weeks before he found a place to live. Skeppy, Bad, Karl, and everyone else he even mildly trusted had turned him down. He missed them so much it made his chest ache like he’d been shot. Schlatt visited almost every day. Sometimes he’d bring Tommy. Once, he brought Ranboo.

It was hard to walk. It was hard to make himself speak. On a few occasions, during conversation, he would be told he had asked a question two or three times already. It made him feel sick. It made him want to feel the wash of warmth that heroin provided, to let himself slip away again.

He ignored the shakes. The itchy skin. The puking, the crying, the violent intrusive thoughts. He had to, if not for himself, for Tommy. He had to keep himself alive for Tommy.

Technoblade moved out of his hometown for the first time in his life on a rainy Thursday, he made the half-hour drive into LA in his shitty little Toyota Avalon, letting himself sing along to the songs of Transangelic Exodus. His voice was not one made for singing- it was monotonous at best, tone-deaf if you were being kind. 

His new roommate welcomed him with a hug when he first stepped into the apartment, small tears shed into his shirt. He hesitated, then hugged him back, let himself melt into it.

“I didn’t realise you’d be so torn up over this,” he offered a weak laugh, “I mean, we’re almost perfect strangers.”

“You and your brother made an impact on me, Techno. Trans kids gotta stick together, right?” The other offered a tearful, toothy grin.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“God, I’m so fucking glad you survived.” He choked back a sob. “I’m so glad you reached out to me.”

Techno smiled back, eyes tired. “I’m glad I survived, too. Thank you for taking me in, Ezekiel.”

“It’s no problem at all, Techno.”

Techno took his outstretched hand, let his gentle fingers pull him closer. 

“Step away from the cliff, won’t you?”

“But the view is so beautiful.”

“We can admire the waves from the beach, can’t we?”

“...yeah, I guess we can.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on twt:  
> https://twitter.com/wallacenvomit
> 
> join the catalyst series discord server:  
> https://discord.gg/7RKdZUbxFd


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